I’m not hiding anymore

I celebrate everything from poop to mistakes to accomplishments. And I share my celebrations publicly to encourage, lift up and normalize out in the world. I realized one of the celebrations I haven’t really shared is the anniversary of my recovery.

Why haven’t I shared my recovery? In my mind, I’ve been sharing about my bulimic recovery for so many years I figured everyone knew. When I focused on that thought, “everyone knew”, I knew that was BS. I felt fear around it and I hid. I recognized that old pattern. And I said…nope that “ain’t” me anymore. I don’t hide. I meet people everyday sharing a ton though it isn’t the first thing I share with people. “Hi my name is Marni. Did you know I’m in recovery? I was bulimic from age 8/9 to 25.”

Breathe that in for a minute. Almost 20 years of secrets, hiding, unhealthy thoughts, unhealthy actions and unhappiness and discomfort throughout all aspects of my life: my body; relationships with me, other people and money; career; experiences….

So I decided to be bold and share the story of my recovery. I was already in the working world as an Advertising Exec when my boss and I were going head to head regularly. I worked with my parents and their partner. Not easy for any of us. One day she’d had “ENOUGH” and told me either go to therapy or find another job. You see I had so much anger inside me. Anger about things that had been done to me (so I thought). And it eked out easily and often. I had a biting tongue and was super reactive.

So I found a therapist and with my arms folded over my chest thinking “I’ll go and sit here to keep my job, but that’s it.” I went. It was a few years before I saw this PUSH as the biggest gift. It was the catalyst to me changing my life.

Dr. Lamb was quiet and calm with a lovely smile. I would answer her questions each visit watching the clock tick the time away. And then I went back to my life of secrets, hiding and emotional stuffing. Every worry, anger, discomfort was stuffed by me. I didn’t acknowledge or deal with it. Instead I’d binge. I’d order take out for 2 or more. Rush home. Eat so fast so I wouldn’t feel, as I learned later, and would then throw up once I felt full. Sometimes doing it over again and again that day or night until I was numb and worn out.

One day a couple months in, Dr. Lamb called me with a situation which would change our relationship. My parents had called and scheduled an appointment through her assistant to talk about my therapy. I wasn’t telling them anything and they were concerned. Dr. Lamb saw it on her books for that day and called to let me know. She explained that the choice was mine and she would honor my decision. I could say NO- don’t see them and she would cancel the appointment as she was my therapist and would honor our relationship. Another choice , say yes, then she would meet them, talk to them and share nothing of what I had told her. She would ask questions of them and it could help her help me. I was shocked and felt empowered. And in that moment she began gaining my trust. So, I gave permission.

My parents were not super happy as they didn’t learn much of anything as I discovered. Yet, I trusted Kay, Dr. Lamb in a new way. She was my confidant. And so one day I came clean and I told her I was binging and purging. There was no judgment. The way she spoke to me that day made me feel seen, heard, and understood without any shame. And actually, a bit of celebration in revealing myself. And I left feeling lighter.

Things got worse before they got better. I was avoiding getting the mail at my apartment because I was binging so much I was strapped for cash. And I was having blackouts. I’d binge, purge and sleep. When I woke I’d have empty containers, no food in the fridge and no money. So avoiding the mail, was avoiding the few bills I had because I didn’t know what I was going to do to pay them. HIDING to keep me safe, but it was just an illusion.

The universe had other ideas. One day I received a note on my door from the apartment office my mail as it wouldn’t fit in the box anymore. I felt I had no choice so I went to the office and brought home a giant Post Office tub of mail. I was super freaked out, but somewhere in me knew I had to go through it. So, I did. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I envisioned. Most of the mail turned out to be advertising. I sat down with the bills. I went through my balanced check book and realized I was several hundred in arrears. PANIC ensued. From “freak out land” I called my parents who were packing to leave for vacation. They asked me to come over with the information. I don’t know what they saw when they reviewed it, but they said “we’re not going to bail you out”. There are ways for you to figure this out and they made some suggestions. TOUGH LOVE. I was scared and angry, yet turned out TOUGH LOVE gave the best outcome for me. I hurt my credit, had to pay some deposits and it took me a few months to catch everything up. I learned my lesson. I learned and committed to get myself help and NEVER experience this financial pressure or self-created problems again. More on that in another article. I also shared about what I had done and how I felt plus what I intended for the future in therapy with Kay.

Kay encouraged me to go to group therapy in addition to seeing her. I only went a couple times and wasn’t sure I liked it. I would learn why very soon. I also decided to share a little with my parents about being bulimic, but wasn’t sure how. I wanted to, but I was afraid. Then the group had a speaker come, representatives of a treatment facility. So, I gathered my courage and invited my parents to come with me. This helped me bridge the fear of being more open with them. I couldn’t even look them in the eye when I shared. I assumed they’d be disappointed, disapproving and ashamed. They were definitely surprised, sad and wanting to help. We sat and listened to the speaker and as he spoke something inside me began screaming YES, YES, YES! I need to go here.

I will never forget my Dad driving me back to my apartment that evening. We had a good talk. He seemed relieved and almost happy to know what was going on with me. So, I summoned the courage and told him I wanted/needed to go to treatment. He told me “you’re thinking it’s the FIX. It’s not going to solve your issues.” And I was outraged. I went from zero to 90 in 2 seconds. My voice remained somewhat calm-ish as I explained I knew it wasn’t a “fix”, it was a 30 day head start to healing my life so I could focus just on me. He disagreed and I left the car pissed. That anger fueled me, positively this time.

I went to the office the next morning determined, checked to see if my insurance covered the treatment hospital and when I found out it did, I made the arrangements to go to the Western mountains of GA near the NC border (note this for later) within a week. I chickened out telling my parents and asked my boss, their partner, to tell them. It was the 2nd big gift she gave me and it cost her because my parents, while supporting me, took out their anger or discomfort on her telling them. Yup, they shot the messenger.

Once decided, I felt excited. That may sound weird. Something inside me was so happy and relieved. Secrets and hiding are exhausting and bring so much tension. I didn’t realize how much until I began sharing. So, I then opened up to the entire office what I was doing at a company meeting. Oh yes, I ripped the Band-Aid off FAST. Most were surprised. And some were quite compassionate. I think for most people they didn’t understand exactly what it was I was dealing with and what I told them also made some people uncomfortable because of their own issues. I didn’t really know what treatment entailed either, but I would learn very soon.

Within my advertising work, I communicated with sales reps all over the country and thought being gone for 30 days or so, they’d ask for me and so it would be easier for me to learn while I was away, then dealing with questions upon my return. So, I gave permission to my office to share the information of where and why. I learned later my parents comfort with my sharing, not so great (I’ll save that for another article). I felt freedom of letting go of secrets and transparency. The ease felt so good. I didn’t think of consequences. Still reactive yet working it in a more positive manner.

I checked in October 29th and spent my 25th birthday in treatment. What a way to spend a milestone. Journey to get to treatment filled with challenges. I flew to Atlanta nervous and by myself. The airline misplaced 1 of my 2 bags and said they’d “get it to me”. When you’re uncomfortable in your own skin and you carefully select your clothes because those are the ones you feel good in, to have them “lost” feels like a chaotic unfair crisis and definitely affected my stress of the unknown of treatment.

When checking in, the nurses take EVERYTHING. You empty even your pockets in front of them. I filled out a few forms. They instructed me to open all my bags for them to go through. They took anything with medicine or alcohol from perfume to mouthwash as the facility was treatment for addiction: drugs, alcohol, sex, and food. They took baby scissors I used for cross stitch too. I followed the nurse to my room and met my roommate. Before leaving my room, the nurse went over the rules. In addition to the general rules, Bulimics received specific instructions. Beginning with taking food at meals: when I took food for meals, a nurse must verify all food on my tray and it would have to meet specific guidelines (number of veggies, fats, etc). I must show them my tray and plates before discarding them. Finally, I must be accompanied to the bathroom by a nurse for the first hour and a half after a meal or snack. “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” Awareness unfolded as I met more people.

It never occurred to me that other people had my disease or had similar feelings causing their own addiction. But you learn this fast just in conversation getting to know peeps and definitely in group therapy. I clearly recall feeling anger that someone else was describing in detail one of MY binges. And how sick it made me feel to realize I felt violated by the sharing.

It was in this place with these people that I would truly FACE myself, warts and all, for the first time since I was 8. All the secrets came out. From things I’d done, what was done to me, to realizing how awful I felt in my own skin. I couldn’t even look in the mirror and find something about myself I liked say it out loud, let alone LOVE. I had no confidence, no self-esteem. I felt unworthy of love for me let alone someone else. I was hiding my body, my personality, my voice and I had used sex to gain likes, be included and feel better. I saw food as good and bad. The “hits” kept coming. I felt overwhelmed by the hurricane of realizations and it felt like it came at me 24/7 at times. Yet, I faced it. I embraced it. I shared and shared and shared. I cried every day.

Funny thing happened, I began to feel hopeful. I learned “relaxation therapy” which I know now as mindfulness/meditation and began rewriting my beliefs and my feelings began changing.

I learned about addiction and how the hormones and body chemicals affect the brain. It took me more years to learn the GUT Connection. I learned the power of secrets and sharing. I learned how to find calm through breath. I learned doing art projects soothed me. I faced my parents during family week with honesty like never before. OY, I “hit them over the head” with it. I remembered again how much I love the trees, the mountains and the lakes. They are so healing and it’s such a powerful pull for me. I took many walks losing myself and gaining myself with the trees.

The 30 days I spent in treatment put me on my path today. Did I leave treatment “fixed”? No way, I’m still working on my development. Growing and Loving me. Recently this Spring, I discovered a deeper way of loving myself unconditionally and that’s after 29 years of loving me unconditionally.

Those 30 days changed my life. I reconnected with ME again for the first time consistently since I was 8. I began to like me which lead to me loving me, even the parts I want to change. And so now 29 years later, yes, 29 years later, I am celebrating another year of recovery. I celebrate who I was and who I am. I celebrate EVERY experience on my journey even the ones that sucked!

I am in the midst of divorce and feeling free in a new way. That’s not to say it’s been easy or without fear or angst. I feel it in some moments and some days. I allow myself to feel it and then remind myself I am where I am. I am not afraid. I’m doing the best I can. I’m grateful for every person and experience as I grow from each. And I’m working my way towards living full time in the Western NC mountains, a dream come true, eventually raising Nigerian Dwarf Goats and learning to make cheese and yogurt, growing lots of my own food- living life sustainably near the trees and lakes.

I celebrate that 30 days and the gift I gave myself then and all the years after. The 30 day gift introduced meditation which reminded me of my intuitive abilities putting me on the energy healing path. It’s how I know the power of mindfulness down in my soul. That path lead me to learn how to help myself heal which helped me with my son after trauma and to help other people. That 30 days set me towards the path of helping people like me heal and THRIVE! Best decision EVER!

I’m grateful you stayed with this and read all of it. I hope you’ll celebrate with me and let me know your thoughts.

LoveU, Marni

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What’s Energy Healing and How does it help?

Energy Healing ignites self-healing 
Energy healing goes back to ancient civilizations before modern methods to heal mind, body and spirit.  The human body is an incredible creation.  The body is made to self-heal. 

What gets in the way? 
1) Stress– the creator of DIS – ease
2) Toxins– both environmental out in the world and in our homes both chemically created and human interaction created.  What we put in us to eat, what we hear and absorb and what we put on us or breathe in. 
3) Fear– Anxiety, Worry, Feelings of lack (money, love, stuff, yourself), just to name a few and overwhelm
These powerful 3 obstacles to self-healing can create blocks in your energy field and thus aches, pains, illness, emotional unrest, sleep issues, relationship issues, money issues, and more arise.

You may feel like a hamster on a wheel dealing with the same repeating pattern over and over again in different aspects of your life or just in one aspect of  your life. 

You feel like you’re not getting anywhere.  You feel stuck and often lose hope. 

Energy healing, when you allow, removes the blocks allowing for the self-healing to begin.  Making life changes and reframing beliefs go hand in hand with energy healing. Together with real life on-demand tools, meditation training  and my intuitive senses- energy healing ignites your self-healing leading to long lasting change.  

Your life reflects your mind, body and spirit-   
What you think. 
What you say to yourself, about yourself  and to others.
It’s mirrored in your life. 

Subtle energy shifts from energy healing and transformational tools is deep work creating incredible impacts in your life. If you’re ready to ignite your self-healing and feel more consistent joy, calm and clarity, you’re ready for self-healing transformation. I invite you to schedule a session by clicking the link below. 
Energy healing is transformational. 

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5 Signs Stress Controls Your Life

Most of us out there experience some sort of stress in our lives everyday. Stress always exists, yet so does Ease. So if you experience stress daily, how do you know when Stress is controlling your life?

Here are 5 easy signs telling you stress is controlling your life:

1) Physical Signs:
You’re seeing doctors or using alternative resources but these never quite go away or you experience consistent flair ups. Maybe you’ve connected the dots to your stress. Maybe you haven’t connected this to stress.

a) tightness often leading to aches or pains in areas of the body-mouth/jaw; neck/shoulders; back; legs /feet

b) digestive issues, reflux, bowel issues, high blood pressure, hair loss, stys, acne

c) consistent or immune issues including allergies which flair up during stressful situations or after


2) Your “feathers easily ruffle”/ Impatience is your M.O.:

a) Whether you believe you’re in a happy state or not, you become impatient easily and often with almost everyone about anything from a parking spot to where to go for dinner. People often ask if you’re angry. It’s all over you and your energy like a suit.

b) You complain so often you don’t even realize it’s become part of your personality. You rationalize it as “taking care of yourself” or “expressing your opinion”. You might believe you’re expressing gratitude often and not even notice all the complaints because people around you act the same way.

c) You find yourself apologizing often for over-reacting, jumping to conclusions (mind reading), saying things you didn’t mean, in the “heat of the moment”, “taking it too far”


3) Avoidance/Numbing:
You have a “go to” way of not feeling the feelings you don’t want to feel by numbing yourself by:

a) overuse of technology: lost time in social media, gaming or tv binging

b) “stress eating” – comfort foods, overeating

c) overuse of alcohol or drugs

d) procrastinating: paying bills, working out, putting off friends or meetings, putting off work, postponing having fun…any action or inaction keeping you from healthy lifestyle and consistent self-care or productivity including relaxing


4) Cluttered Mind:

a)You find it hard to think clearly

b) You second guess yourself

c) You’re EASILY distracted; described as “squirrel”


5) Worry/Down in the Dumps:

a) You consistently create worry though you may not see you’re creating the worry (self-induced focus on fears coming from your ego)

b) You often feel overwhelmed by life, down in the dumps, unmotivated, unhappy, avoiding friends and situations that you enjoy or finding yourself not enjoying activities you once enjoyed.

c) You feel “blue” or “negative” often, yet this isn’t how you typically feel inside. You know something is off and you blame situations outside you: work, relationships, friendships, love, money or about you: body dissatisfaction, hair, or skin

You may see yourself in parts of each of these signs. I know for my own stress and stress I see with clients it’s typical to experience all 5 signs of stress and the signs can change over time.

You think you’re hiding it from the rest of the world, but that’s an illusion. It comes out everywhere and it keeps your from feeling good inside and out.

You feel joy and happiness at times and yet it’s inconsistent or not a feeling of easeful happiness you could be feeling. I know because this was me at one time.

So… what can you do if stress is controlling you and keeping you feeling overdone?

I developed easy techniques to help myself reduce stress consistently. I don’t like things that are complex or take lots of time. Remember, impatience was one of the signs. My tools meld into my lifestyle and don’t take lots of time and reduce or eliminate my stress.

The techniques I’ve refined and consistently use today helped me re-wire my brain; re-align my energy, bounce back easier from big stress, help me feel steady and help me manage, reduce or eliminate the signs of daily stresses.

It’s magical how you can have tools which help you shift in one minute and how the effects of using these tools consistently, increase over time.

If your life is controlled by Stress and your ready to kick it in the ass and take back your happiness and ease, I invite you to join me for Sacred Stress Solutions (click for info)Wednesday July 11th 12pm-2pm EST in person or online. I would LOVE to see you and support you in kicking stress in the ass.

PS. If you know anyone that is ruled by stress, please share this with them. These tools changed my life and it could change theirs too. They’ll thank you.

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New Moon Magic and LoveU

Have you been experiencing struggle recently? It can show up as not feeling like working or being around other people and wanting to cocoon and go within. It can show up as interference in your typically rested and uninterrupted sleep with less rest and more interruptions.

We are at the edge of a cycle change, a change in the moon. Each of us is affected differently during changes in the moon cycle. You often hear about the Full Moon and how it affects people, mostly negative stories –right?

What about the New Moon? With the New Moon, I get excited for what I’m bringing in and activating into my life. Yet, sometimes I’m noticing it brings me a little bit of nervous energy which effects my sleep. Nothing drastic, yet I may wake up a few nights prior in the middle of the night. Sometimes I fall right back to sleep and other times, I lay there resting and feeling rested. The nervous energy can be attributed to discomfort I’m feeling in the darkness, the space between where I was and where I will be.

If you’re feeling differently in the last week or so than you have been, you’re most likely feeling affects of the New Moon. What are you moving towards that is new in your life? Are you resisting? Are you nervous? Are you in space of decision or waiting?

How can you embrace this cycle with LOVE? Focus on your heart. How does it feel in your heart. Send love to it.

Today/Tonight is a magical time to focus BIG TIME on what you want and desire in your heart to bring in. Call it to you. Focus on it from LOVE. Talk about it. Journal about it. Meditate on it. Set intentions. Let the energy of it surround you.

Part of embracing the cycle is to allow yourself what you need. Listen to your body. Do you need space? Give yourself some space. Take time outside and just be. Change your routine. Give yourself the freedom of listening to the inner you from a place of love.

If you’re at work, you can step outside for 5 minutes and walk among the trees in the parking lot away from your building. If you’re driving, open the roof or the window and turn off the radio. Listen to the sounds of Mother Nature.

What keeps coming up that wants to be realized? What is calling to you to bring it in to your life?

The New Moon is a time of magic and brings about the activation of that which you put focus, energy, passion, thought and feeling towards. It is a time of magical manifestation of what you want to bring into your life in the next 30 days.

Want more happiness? Call it in. See yourself smiling inside and out. You don’t have to know why or how. Just feel and visualize it inside you. Ask for it, better yet, command it. It’s already there. What you desire is already there.

Then pay attention over the next 30 days for the messages you get inside and the experiences and people coming your way. Say yes to what is in alignment to bring about your happiness.

If its a new job or a career shift, focus on how you want to feel in this environment. What’s the culture of the company? How do you feel as you go to work each day and return home each night? If you know the work that fills your heart, include that or if it’s circumstances, include that. Focus on this from the place of your future self who already has it because you do.

Above all don’t forget the gratitude: “I am so happy and grateful now that…” Write at least 3, say them aloud and feel your energy tingle with the confirmation. It is done, It is done, It is done.

Anyone looking for love? Relationship love? Begin with love inside you and call it in. Deeper self-love and follow the career exercise using it for your relationship with yourself and with another. What does it feel like? What are your values together. How do you spend time together? And so on…

Tonight I will be in ritual, enjoying long meditation and journaling surrounding myself with music and perhaps some drumming outside with my son as we dance welcoming in the New Moon energy.

This New Moon in Gemini brings opportunities for you to call in personal goals. Improving communication skills by reflectively listening to others and enjoying other points of view, rather than seeking to find the “elusive” answer. Become more aware and reflect on communication and social interactions. How much do you take in and hear in a friendly, non-threatening way?

This New Moon Magic Energy offers the opportunity to make important life changes.

The New Moon is a more inward, dark, void or empty feeling. It can be uncomfortable and frightening if you’re not comfortable with uncertainty. Can you learn to trust the dark? Can you even become comfortable embracing the mystery? This is the moment when the old passes away and the new is not here…yet.

Set your intentions for this New Moon Magical time and bring it through your heart.

XO Marni

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Who Are You to Judge?

I used to judge and beat myself up all the time.

Do you what I mean?

It’s that voice in your head CRITICIZING you for your choices, telling you you’re not good enough or didn’t do enough, causing you to be unsure of decisions, and under valuing yourself.

I see so many clients with this same harsh self-talk. This harsh voice creates havoc in their lives. It’s super disempowering leaving you feel like a victim and it often leads to feelings of resentment too.
Yucky, right?

I used to judge and self-beat…what helps me now is my beliefs.

I believe we’re made perfectly imperfect. I believe we are here to grow, learn and enjoy.

It’s that simple, Beliefs and Choices…

(see further down for a fun way to begin shifting your beliefs and choices)

Recently judgement showed up with a new client. She went on vacation and had a wonderful time as is typically the goal of vacation, right? It was what showed up after she came home.

“I spent too much money, didn’t get enough sleep and my eating was terrible. And now I’m exhausted and don’t have the energy to get going in my life. I’m feeling heavy and down and its hard to get back into my exercise routine. My sleep isn’t restful and I’m feeling so scattered it’s hard to think clearly. Why did I do this to myself? “

Have you ever felt like this ?

Another client was feeling excited about the beginning of a new relationship and then focused on and questioned every word she said or typed to her new interest. Constant hyper focus and questioning of her actions and words because she likes this guy AND she doesn’t want to be alone anymore.

“Should I have said that? Do you think he’ll be okay that I said that? Was it too much? Am I too much? I haven’t heard back yet and its been a few days, should I call? Is he really into me?”

Making new choices does not eliminate the judge. Who is the judge? The judge is the voice you adopt,perhaps from hearing it from someone(s) that influenced you in life?
The judge voice takes you down, disapproves and criticizes your choices and YOU.

The judge is the “SHOULD” voice saying
(say these out loud)

· I spent too much money

· Spending too much on myself

· I should’ve done this or shouldn’t have said that

· I should’ve taken better care of myself

· Should’ve know better

· This person takes up too much space…is too much; is insecure, doesn’t know their place, lack of self awareness….when speaking of someone besides yourself.

· I’m not NOT doing enough of this or that

· Did I make the right decision?

· Don’t feel seen by loved ones

· Feeling down

· Feeling heavy

· Feeling unmotivated

· Need to _____ more

· I dread holding my boundaries because I don’t want conflict

· Comparisons…wow you do that so well, I don’t do that well at all…(what isn’t being said about how that makes you feel)

· I’m Too sensitive

· I Feel stupid

· Taking on conflict with others or someone else’s anger as if you are solely the one responsible

· I’m too loud or too soft. I’m too…TOO or not enough

Did you feel the slowing down and heaviness of your energy as you read or said these words?

How would you feel about someone speaking the way you speak to yourself, to your child (and if you’re not a parent, insert a loved one)?

The harshness and heavy energy of The Judge lowers your vibe and shrinks your self-esteem and self-love. It’s  what causes you to be unable to fully trust your decisions. It affects how you show up in life and the choices you make.

There is another side of the JUDGE which I highly recommend you embrace and harness. It’s the power of the judge to make decisions and hold boundaries, self-care decisions.

If you’re super self-critical, then know you also have the amazing power to make strong decisions honoring you. Harnessing this power, you make it work for you instead of existing in the shadows to keep you down and beat you up.

I’ve been there. I work with clients all the time who live there. We choose to harness the power of the judge. I know it’s possible for me. I live it.
I know it’s possible for you too.

You don’t have to know how. That’s where I come in supporting you step by step to move forward. I guided clients in both situations through the layers of awareness using high level intuitive guidance as I redirected their energy with energy healing.

Over time as they moved through my LoveU program…they began seeing and believing they could live life as they’ve always dreamed. They made different choices moving into stages of gratitude and holding boundaries.

As each of them continued through the program: their exhaustion left; their energy became more invigorated; they nourished their bodies; they trusted; relationships flourished; Businesses grew, and money flowed.

My clients learned to harness the power of the Judge and not banish part of themselves into the shadows.

Here is where it gets fun…are you up for it?

What would your life be like if you accepted  yourself and didn’t beat yourself up?

I challenge you to the
“I AM TREASURED Challenge”.

1. Try it for 5 days. Let me know you’re in through a comment on my facebook page @Marnihealer

2. Set the intention to catch yourself before/during/after you’re criticizing yourself or your actions

3. Create an affirmation to say OUT LOUD and in your head throughout your day from the moment you wake up until you close your eyes in dream land. Affirmations like: I am treasured; I am supported; I am trust; I am LOVE

4. CHOOSE to change what you say, Even if it’s after the fact, to a more positive statement.

5. Share your daily wins or struggles with me at Marni Intuitive Energy Healer on FB so you can receive support.

6. Share at the end of the 5 days, what you’re noticing and how you feel.

WHY do this challenge?

1. It helps you create and develop awareness as you align your energy to more deeply love and accept yourself.

This does not mean you say NO to reflection. You still reflect about your choices, your feelings and your actions, YET after you reflect, YOU choose implementation of your awareness in a new non-critical manner, non-beat up thoughts.

2. You’ll develop new habits harnessing the power of decisions and accepting yourself.

This shows up as more trust, more ease, more celebrations, and gratitude.

I mean we can’t change the past, right?

All you can do with the past is learn from it; CHOOSE to repeat it OR try something different. And that’s how we learn, right?

I’m super excited for to hear what you uncover and how it impacts your life.

I’d love to hear from you and help you.

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De-Stress Fast on Vacation – 5 Tips

I just got back from Spring break with my family. We had SO much fun. I’m able to quickly and easily let go of everyday stresses and the stress leading into vacations and just relax.

Can you unwind easily?

I saw many people on vacation with their families getting thrown out of whack – or just not relaxed. Some were totally tense.

I use simple and easy practices to unwind. I’m sharing these tips so YOU can get the most out of your vacation time

You plan and look forward to getting away . . . You might even work extra hours to get MORE work completed, plus handling all the “leaving home chores” before you go . . .

So when you finally get on your way, are you:

*Exhausted and stressed from all the work,
*Feeling tight in your body,
*Short on patience after all the packing and doing before you leave,
*Anxious about getting to the airport on time –
*and maybe even worried about being able to relax once you get there?

Do you get to your destination and dive right in to GO, GO, GO because “you only have a limited time”? Do you have trouble “letting your hair down” and truly enjoying your experiences? Do any wrinkles that affect your trip or plans throw you off?

No one is without stress, including me. These are my TRIED and TRUE practices to DE-STRESS quickly based on my beliefs and taking aligned action.

*GO WITH THE FLOW: This tip fully embraces my belief that somehow my experiences work out the way they’re supposed to for my highest and greatest good; and that I’m here to learn, grow and enjoy. When you believe this, you TRUST, no matter what happens. As a result of this belief, trust and aligned action — you experience more ease, miracles and magic and NOT tension.

Last year’s spring break, we got to the super busy airport on our island of happy surrounded by chaos from all the spring breakers and other flyers. Our flight was delayed twice and canceled.
Can you imagine the chaos and anger ensuing around us? Would you be freaking out at this point and joining in the chaos? It’s super easy if you don’t have a strong belief of TRUST and Going with the FLOW to get sucked in.

I remembered GO WITH THE FLOW and I smiled at the gate agent. I think I was the first one to do so as I watched his shoulders relax. I explained our situation and asked for his help, TRUSTING.
Continuing the trust, I said YES to flying standby on another flight. Got the last 2 seats on the flight which arrived only one hour later than originally planned.

We believed, and we trusted and went with the flow. Having a consistent meditation practice makes it easier to trust and go with the flow. You create the ability to calm and breathe through the muck. It was the beginning of a magical trip.

*SING and DANCE: Singing and Dancing quickly shift your mood. You don’t have to be good at singing or dancing; you just need to do it as if no one is watching and let yourself get into it.

My son and I noticed when the energy on a recent flight to Atlanta was crunchy and complain-y. We didn’t want to “catch it”, so we sang “Do, Re, Mi” as we walked through the airport. We laughed and sang for maybe five minutes. And we left the focus of the crunchy complaint energy behind. Once we got to the gate, we did a celebratory dance of staying true to our happiness. And it showed in our energy.

Singing and dancing can be done just about anywhere and the smiles you feel inside and the ones we usually receive take any stress you’re feeling and release it. Singing meditation –yes, that’s a thing– gives you clarity and raises your vibes de-stressing you at the same time. Plus, sometimes singing and dancing leads us into fits of laughter. Who can be stressed when you’re laughing?!

*CHOICE: No matter what happens, I’m always asking myself, What do I choose? If someone says to you, ‘You made me mad’, that is a sure sign of them giving YOU their power.

You choose to get mad. You choose to fear when there are bumps in your plans. You choose the thought which leads to the emotion and the behavior follows. So, if you’re mad, it’s what you chose.

With stress, it’s the same thing. Do I want to carry all my worries and fears into a fun time with my family? NO. I don’t worry that the lines are long. We play games while we wait in line and we sing and enjoy because we are together. I don’t worry if our food order is wrong. We are still together and now we have a story to share and remember with each other.

When I wake up the morning we leave for vacation, I’m focused. Then, I walk out the door and that’s it. I’m on vacation. My choice. My trips can have glitches or bumps or changes. I choose how I’m going to take those in. I can get stressed and upset that my luggage gets lost or I can enjoy the adventure of wearing my clothes for 2 days while we explore a new city and enjoy buying a few new things with the airline’s money.

This one is soooo important. I had a vacation where my clothes were lost, and I chose to allow it to RUIN a good part of my time away. Choice is empowering. Meditation helps you make choices because you’re more connected to yourself. You are NOT a victim when you give yourself choice.

*ALLOW DOWNTIME: This past week we enjoyed time in OLD Town Alexandria Virginia and Washington DC. Well right away you know there is a TON of things to see, right? We packed the weekend walking 8 or more miles each day exploring and having a ball. With plans for more during the week.
As I was thinking about having to get up early to go stand in line to get into the National Archives and just wanting a day to sleep in, my son asked if we could have a pjs day the next day.

I heard other voices in my head saying, “you can’t do that, you’ll miss out on this and this and this.” And then I heard my heart saying, “you’re often on the go, how about a day of just flowing in the pjs or just hanging out” and I felt excited. My son confirmed my feeling and we had a pjs day. And the next day we were back running around with renewed energy.

We cram our lives with do this, do that, go, go, go and then wonder why we’re so exhausted and irritable. Do less. See less. Find time to sit in a café and watch people while enjoying a cup of coffee, tea or a glass of wine or water. Have a pjs day and play games or read or watch movies (we did all of this). Disrupt your pattern. That’s what vacations are all about. Consistent meditation and mindfulness moment(s) provide a daily pattern interruption. Pattern disruption is what helps us create space and freedom inside us and helps us relax.

*SELFCARE DOES NOT VACATION: I meditate almost daily and do gratitude and prayer every day along with nourishing my body, drinking lots of water and exercise. There are many that just stop all of this because its vacation. I believe self-care is intrinsically connected to our happiness so why would I take a vacation from the very thing that could help me more deeply enjoy my vacation?

Yes, I’m on vacation. When I’m at the beach, I have tons of time for my self-care. When I’m doing an exploring vacation, not as much. I still do it almost daily with gratitude journaling in a travel journal which fits in my purse…so maybe while I’m waiting for my guys to come out of the bathroom or some random moment, or just before bed instead of first thing in the morning. And I’m focused on gratitude and doing my prayers when I wake up and while I’m showering. Though again, some days it’s abbreviated.

I have a magical SIMPLE way of melding my practice into my life which is what I teach my clients and I’ll share more about how I can help you with this in my upcoming online course:

The Why’s and Wonders of Meditation, online Wednesday night April 18, 2018.{click here for more info or to sign up}

Most days I meditate though instead of my typical 20-30 minutes, it might be 1-4 minutes during vacation. I get the juicy benefits of meditation and meld it into whatever we are doing. It’s what helps me balance and be clear and provides me with a few moments of quiet time for me.

These practices along with my commitment to ME support me de-stressing.
Some vacations I treat myself to a massage, other times– it’s working out, and sleeping in is important to self-care too. And then for me its hydration with water throughout the day and nourishing my body.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy a few goodies that I don’t typically eat. In fact this vacation I enjoyed Nice Cream, ice cream frozen with nitrogen. It was a cool experience and a delicious treat I thoroughly enjoyed. It’s about moderation and balance. And just being in a state of “be” ing. Self-care, especially meditation, supports “be”ing.

If you CHOOSE to incorporate these 5 tips into your vacations, I know they’ll support a de-stress and lead you toward quicker relaxation like they do for me.
Using these practices poses an interesting question.

Why do these tips only have to be used for vacation?

I know how much these Sacred Stress Solutions can help you. I see and know what they’ve done in my life, my family, and the life of my clients. It can work for you too.
What would YOUR life be like if YOU embraced these practices everyday?

Wanna know more about how to redirect your energy and de-stress using these practices; ask me and I’ll share with you how I incorporate them into my everyday life.

How can you create a practice that meets your lifestyle TODAY and grows with you as you get relief from stress?

Join me online Wednesday night April 18, 2018 for The Why’s and Wonders of Meditation and get answers.

I’d love to hear from you and help you.
XO  Marni


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Who Am I?

Just a week or so ago I was spinning. The moment we’ve dreamed about for a long time arrived. Our son’s healing was at the point he could be in a general education setting in his home school. So, for the 4th time since school began in August, our schedules and routines were changing. I’m in the midst of launching a program in my healing business unlike anything I’ve done before. It’s new. It’s exciting. It’s a bit uncomfortable. And I was about to have my first colonoscopy.

None of these things is “BAD”. They are all really good things. They’re transitions, change, new, which adds stress in a different way. I’ve also been upping the ante on my own personal healing these last 5-6 months. And that is affecting my thinking, my body, my feelings…pretty much my life.

I noticed as all these things were coming together, I was down. My energy was lower than before…I was moving slower. And that was strange. I was really happy. Yet I am super aware of my body talk and feelings because of my own Energetics mastery practices I do each day and understanding the role of my vibes and chakras. And my feelings and my body were not in sync. I was also procrastinating fully stepping into a new personal development program. And for me that’s weird. I LOVE the teacher and get so much out of ANYTHING from this person. And when I am fully “in” and ready for a new program, while I may be a little nervous, I just do it.

So I listened to my body when it told me to rest. It was really counter productive to what my brain was saying. Yet I know from years of Energetics Mastery practice, I needed to listen. Not always an easy choice especially when you have a lot of “TODO’s”. I stayed off social media promoting my program and my biz. I meditated longer. I gave myself what I needed. And my energy began moving up. And then I sat in meditation and answers began to bubble to the surface in pieces.

I processed some and dashed off a quick email to my healer for support. I was still stuck on something that had been coming up on and off with my healing business for a couple years. And it had made it’s way into my coaching time with my biz coach and my email with my healer. And as I processed from my coaching time and read the email response from my healer, I began feeling like I was SPINNING. Chaos was taking over. I felt super uncomfortable.

So, it began with the transitions. Great transitions. And then it made its way into my healing business. I began noticing in my copy for my new program something was missing. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was though I knew it would come to me. And when you are launching something amazing and new and realize something is missing, that feeling is stressful.

So, after a mini wave of chaotic spinning stress took over, I was able to get some support time with my healer. And during our time together through questions and my intuitive responses I began figuring out what was missing. I called out what was causing my spinning. And my spinning began to leave. And when I say spinning, it feels like chaos and discomfort inside my body and in my mind.

Here’s what came out. I have NOT completely, consistently and unequivocally shared who I am in my business. I’ve mentioned it. I’ve said it. I’ve owned it and then glossed over it.

And when I say this, I’m not standing in this in ego saying “look at me”, I’m so great, blah,blah, blah. I’m saying this from my place of truth. What I know down to my core. What I’ve witnessed and what’s been confirmed back to me.

What’s getting in the way of me saying who I am?
• When I market, I’m being respectful and not wanting to BLOW people over or cause blow back to me
• Part of me is scared or hiding from standing in my pure self, yet as I do my own work and make peace with this, it causes me to spin

So here goes…

I am a powerful healer.

And I hold space for people to heal which dramatically changes their lives.

And I haven’t been saying this. I’ve whispered it. Yet, I haven’t fully claimed it. And I am claiming it.

I said it out loud to my biz coach who mirrored back that this is the FIRST time I’ve stood up and claimed this. I say it and show it to my clients, yet when it comes to promoting or marketing so I can help more folks, I get shy.

Have you ever felt something so strongly down to your soul and held back?

I am a powerful healer.

And what that means is:
Whether in person, on the phone or through face to face technology, I use my ability of clair senses, sensory intuition (which help me to know, see, hear, smell, feel, and sometimes taste) and meld this with Eastern healing philosophies like Reiki, Energy healing, crystal healing and sound healing to help people heal physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I’ve helped clients find relief from physical pain. And I’ve seen clients learn to understand their physical pain, so they not only feel better, but also understand the message their body conveys to them, so they decide if they want to make a change. And when they do, the physical pain doesn’t return. And most often their life begins transforming.

Like my client who had elbow pain. It had been diagnosed as tennis elbow. I felt in my body as a toothache before she came to see me. And when I saw her she described feeling like she had a tooth ache in her elbow. And what I intuitively heard as I used healing techniques to alleviate her pain, was how imbalanced her life was between work, self-time and personal time. So much emphasis on work was not allowing her to feel the “sweetness” of life. And her lack of sweetness showed up in her body as if she’d had the opposite. Her body told her she needed more FUN.
This wasn’t new information to her. If she had really sat and thought about it, sure she knew she was imbalanced. She wasn’t paying attention. So her body began speaking to get her attention.
And as I shared this with her and she became aware, I taught her the foundations of Energetic and through my support, practicing and the tools and tips I shared with her, she developed Energetics Mastery. So not only did she enjoy more fun in her life, the elbow pain did not return. And she began “hearing” her body in a new way. A way that brought her into a closer communication with what her true self wanted to experience.

Not all clients feel the pain physically. Some do their best NOT to feel, which would be emotional pain. They bury it in doing lots of stuff, taking naps, avoidance through spending time on social media or tv, numbing out in some way (food, drugs, alcohol, exercise) and the list goes on. Many of these clients have complaints about something in their life that isn’t working. And often it’s more than one thing.

Things like:
*I don’t sleep well – my mind is constantly racing
*I am not treated well or respected: at work or in my relationship or both
*I can’t lose weight – I hate my body or parts of my body
*I’m stressed with my kids and find myself losing my patience a lot
*My sex life is lacking
*I know what I “should” do that would help me but I don’t do it because _______________ (obstacle).

And with clients like this, again, I begin with energy healing. And I’m lead to the area(s) of the body where the imbalance stems. And I couple this with teaching them and supporting them with Energetic Foundations and using practices, tools and tips with them so they take it to Energetics Mastery.

It is not a one and done “I’ve got it” scenario. And Mastery doesn’t mean perfect. It means mastering the understanding, awareness, techniques and tools to a point they become part of you.

The Energetic Foundation principles I use daily in my life and that I share with clients, needs cultivation. It’s a seed. And like a seed it needs food and water support to grow deeper roots and blossom. Just like we need tools and tips, practice and support to change and blossom.

Life isn’t perfect. We’re always going to deal with stuff that causes stress, fear, tension, etc. I do in my life too. My mission is to help. When you add energy healing and Energetics Mastery to your life, you become more aware quicker. You empower yourself with choice. You learn to love and accept yourself to a depth you didn’t even know existed.

I used these very tools to take myself from NUMBING out, not loving myself much, not feeling worthy or trusting me, not feeling confident, and hating on my body TO levels of joy in my life I didn’t even know existed. And yes, it’s in layers and the depth comes with practice.

And when stuff comes up for me, like it did the other week, I use my “go to” tools and get support. And it built resilience in me. I know when things get hard, somehow, it’s going to get better. I don’t feel stuck permanently. And that gives me hope. But I am straying from the crux of this message.

I am a powerful healer.

I help clients heal:
Physical pain
Emotional pain
Relationship pain
Self-love pain
Body Love pain
Feeling Stuck pain
Love pain

And I am on a mission to help people feel better and get what they want by helping them see and get what they need. And if you feel stuck, unsure, frustrated, lonely, or something similar and you are willing to embrace it so you can heal it, my sacred gift to you is for us to talk. Let’s help you discern if we are meant to partner and help you heal so you can live your best life ever.
Thank you for bearing witness as I FULLY step in to who I am.
XO Marni

PS. Click Here  It will take you to the form in my Energetics Mastery page to set up time for us to talk.

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I hate my. . .

Who hasn’t uttered the words I hate my…















-sex life

-lack of _____

I am the first one raising my hand.  At different times in my life: I’ve said it to myself, to others, I’ve written about it, I’ve thought it and I’ve believed it.  And this by no means is a complete list.  I’m sure I could add more I’ve thought of over the years.  You could probably add to it too.

Do I feel this way anymore? Most of the time, NO.  I have moments where an old “wound” worms its way back in when I’m in transition.

Transition meaning I’m in the process of healing, of growth.  And during times of transition for me I’m more sensitive and sometimes feeling super uncomfortable.  Why? Because I’ve kicked something loose. Something that might’ve been stuck.  Something I believed was serving me or giving me the illusion of safety.  Something that was a part of me.  And now that piece has been discovered by me.  I have an awareness that it’s time to reframe my belief and move to the next step beyond this belief or habit.  And that can be unsettling for any of us.  Not because  we  don’t want to change.  Really we feel unsettled because it’s a change often from the known to the unknown.

And change can be scary.  When I used to believe the list of the things I “hated”, it affected so much of my life.  When I was an adolescent, I hated my name.  It was different.  As a kid, I just wanted to fit in.  And I didn’t.  I had a weird name and I had white blonde hair and was Jewish with a small nose.

I had this unusual name that for some reason people had challenges spelling and pronouncing.  I’m not making this up.  M-A-R-N-I;  MAHR-NEE  came out as: Marty, Bonnie, Marina, Marini, Marin, Mardi, Mardini, Martine….And the spellings went along with it.  Oh how I wanted a name people had heard of like Kim, Lisa, Mary, Jill.

And you know the longer I hated on my name, the more people teased me about it being unusual, didn’t spell it correctly or pronounce it properly.  And when I embraced my name and  made peace with it long ago, it changed.  People still misspell it and still mispronounce it.  That is what it is.  I receive it differently.  And by loving my name and its distinction, people now comment about it positively.  People love on my name as I do.

For me the one that I’ve struggled with most of my life has been my body.  I have to say my body has really been there for me and taken a lot of abuse and still had my back.

My body gave me a safe feeling while I was bulimic.

My body provided more safe feelings later when I was physically abused by a boyfriend and it housed a safe haven for my emotions.

My body helped me deal and heal my relationship with my Mom.

My body provided a beautiful and healthy space to create and grow my son.

My body physically supports me everyday.

This one may shock you…My body provided a scapegoat for me.  A place I could make myself less physically intimidating; a place I could hide my big and beautiful energy so I would be accepted by those who might feel overwhelmed by the real me.

As I’ve healed and had these revelations and stood reveling in the awareness of the magnificence of my body, there was no way I could do anything except LOVE IT.

Yes, Love it.  Hating it didn’t serve me.  And hating it diminished the amazing gifts my body has provided for me over the years.

The process of changing something you HATE into something you LOVE is SIMPLE.  It’s easy.  With most things it’s layers.  Layers of deepening your love.  There are phases along the way that occur as you uncover each layer.  And the first is Awareness.  Nothing changes if your not aware of it, right?  Yet even with awareness, there are layers which I learned and help people working with me learn.

And for me one of the greatest secrets, gifts, tools – call it whatever you want- I’ve discovered is change happens when you tweak or revise  your beliefs.  And you can MORE EASILY change your beliefs when you understand ENERGY.  How it works and how your understanding of your energy and energy, itself, can help you renovate your entire life, one belief or thing you “hate” at a time.

I’ve been using my understanding of my own energy, and the energy around me to: heal my shit and be more in flow;  To bring more love into this world;  To help people just like you, heal their own “hates” and fill up their own love tanks.

The changes show up in your life with:

* increased confidence- not being scared to do things and trusting yourself; speaking up easily and more sexual enjoyment;

*love- taking better care of yourself; happier, able to see options, laughing more, less pain or no pain; sparkling;

*more energy- sleeping better, easier to think, better at work; more “with it” with your kids/spouse/friends, calmer and better sex

How???   As an Intuitive, I understand your emotions.  If you have pain, I can feel it and know how to fix it.  And I help you become aware of it and share what to do so you know how to feel better.  I help you feel your vibes, your energy.  Your vibes tell you where you are with your feelings.  Vibes confirm and tell you your feelings.  And by helping you become aware of your vibes consistently you begin the peeling of the layers.  I add in a mixture of energy healing modalities to support you and bring the healing into your energetic, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual bodies.  My son describes this as sending love to the areas of pain which he says I do by asking my heart to send love out through me.

Why???    I am so passionate about this because I’ve seen in my own life, my son’s life, my husband’s life and the lives of people I work with how your life not only improves, how it can dramatically change and receive the yummies: Love, better sex, stronger relationships, easier parenting, better at work, easier speaking up, sleeping better and more.   It helps you live the life you were meant to live.

I feel so strongly about getting this information to you,  I am bringing the beginning- where the changes all begin, Energetic Foundations to you.

Next week, I share this information through an experiential Tele-class, September 13th 11am -1230pm Eastern.

This is the first time I’m teaching it this way and the $36 price reflects it.  Your participation will help shape how I share this information and it will never again be at this low price EXCEPT on

September 27th, when I teach the class in-person here in Charlotte at Body Mind Shift , 11am-1230pm , $36

Space for both classes is limited.  And anyone who has been to one of my workshops or classes before will tell you:

I overgive beyond what I outline.  And you will receive more than you knew you needed.  I want you to get this information and use it in your life. Click Here to Register for Energetic Foundations

Are you ready for more happiness, being better at work, better sex and more energy for it, being more “with it” with your loved ones, trusting you and more???  IF you are then join me, I would love to help you.

No matter what you choose, I hope you begin to see your “hates” in a new light.  You are each beautiful lights in this world.  Shine your light boldly, with joy and fun.  Let’s light up the world together bringing more peace and love into it.

XO Marni








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Vulnerably Naked

So as many of you who read my blog regularly know, I was bulimic from the age of 8 until I went to treatment at 25.  You don’t go to treatment and POOF, your healed.  It’s a way to get a giant head start (if you are willing to face your discomfort) towards healing.

I’m going to get very vulnerable and share things I usually reserve for my  closest of close.  What I’m sharing  I used to feel shame about.  How could I help other people heal if I still struggled with this shit?   What I know, is that sharing my own struggles allows you to see the real me and I know helps my clients connect and trust me at a deeper level for their own healing.  So here goes:

Over the years, my body went from a very bulimic size 4 with my ribs sticking out (compare this with a 2 or 0 by today’s sizing) to very oversized past 20.  Why?

When my size began to change:

  1. My physical body was catching up to my energy, HUGELY powerful

  2. I lived with a man right after college,  I believed I would marry.  One night he came home drunk, we had a brief conversation and beat the shit out of me.  And somewhere inside me I decided to make my size larger to protect me. (unconscious decision)

  3. I was having conflict with my mom at one point in my life and her go to was appearance.  She was raised with appearance being SUPER important.  Most specifically size.  And in my anger at her, I was saying “F-U…here I am bigger and bigger…I dare you to love me anyway.”  I know this isn’t rational.  Feelings rarely are or they wouldn’t be feelings.

  4. I lived with a man I believed I would marry (different from the earlier man).  This man I never wanted to date and ended up with him for 5 years and lost parts of myself in the process.  While he wasn’t physically abusive, he was emotionally abusive, manipulative, and vindictive.

  5. Beginning when I was young, someone super close to me told me I was TOO BIG (energetically), TOO MUCH, TOO LOUD, TOO INTIMIDATING.  So to make myself less intimidating, even after I healed my mom stuff , the physical fear, and  the emotional fear,  I reduced my size to a point and then stagnated, hitting a plateau.

I didn’t know all my whys immediately.  Each one of these whys was a layer of healing.  The healing began with awareness and then facing each belief; looking them in the eye, admitting this was my truth and my pain. Then, FORGIVING not just anyone else involved but above all ME.  Forgiving ME.  You can’t completely love yourself when you are unwilling or unable to forgive.

It didn’t happen like a light switch flipping on.  It took time.  Time for me to sit in the awareness.  Time for me to admit to myself the TRUTH.  Time for me to embrace the discomfort. Time for me to let go and forgive.  Time for me to activate my new beliefs.

And over the last 25 years I’ve done so much healing.  The connection between understanding my energy and its relationship to chakras became instrumental in my healing. And yet, I’ve known for awhile there was one sliver left tied to my body size.   I knew it was emotional.   And I was so ready to not just gain awareness but look it in the eye, forgive it and me and change my belief.  I was done dragging this around  and ready to be FREE.

The last piece is #5.  So for years I kept getting messages intuitively and through other healers to LOVE my body.  Okay…well, that came in stages.  I loved me for a long time and then I got pregnant and realized I never in all my life since my bulimic days, did I truly love my stomach.  Pregnancy was the first time I demonstrated love for this part of my body.  Not that other parts of me didn’t get larger…but it was my stomach where I held most of my shit: my anger and my fear.

When you understand the relationship between your energy and chakras, this makes complete sense.  Most of this related to my 2nd and 3rd chakras.  Feelings and Self.   For years I didn’t face my feelings, sometimes hiding through sex, food, Pot, TV, anything that would numb or zone me out.  I also spent years rebuilding my confidence in me, my self-belief, self-worth, my value.

So overtime I fell in love with my body.  It wasn’t right away.  For  a long time I equated beauty with size as it related to me.  Not when looking at anyone else.  With anyone else, I would pick up on their energy.  And their energy would either attract me or turn me off.

It took that realization to understand and accept, it works with me too.  So when my hubby or friends told me I was beautiful or glowing, I could truly receive it.

I knew I was ready a couple of years ago.  One of my energy mentors, Sonia Choquette, came to Charlotte.  I always knew I would meet her.  Well, my interaction ended up way beyond meeting.  She brought me up on stage with her and I danced, BY MYSELF, as part of healing, on the stage in front of 200+ peeps. If I didn’t know my body confidence before that night and my love, I knew it for sure then.  I wasn’t nervous.  I just put myself out there and was me and FREE.  This was a defining moment in my life.

And I thought.  That’s it.  I’m finally done with this part.  And while my size would begin to shrink, it plateaued.  And I knew there was something more.  And here is what kept coming up…

If I truly love my body, how can I ask it to change?  I believed if I truly loved my body, just like loving another person, you accept it or them, warts and all.  So if I was asking my body to change, then I couldn’t truly love it.  Could I?

YES, I could.  This was it.  This was a large fragment of what’s been stopping me.  Reframe the belief:

I love myself inside and out.  And loving myself and my BIG energy, I no longer need the protection of a bigger size.  I no longer need to put my desires in a drawer and make myself less intimidating physically to make loved ones, clients, friends, anyone more comfortable.  I can be me in my full beautiful power while my ideal physical body is  smaller in stature.  And while some people may feel overwhelmed by my energy, some of that is their own shit to heal.  It is what it is.  AND without altering my energy and who I am, I can adjust my delivery in ways less likely to overwhelm.

This reframed belief feels natural.  Easy.  And for me I feel it (my energy and energetic confirmations)in my body.  I get a tingling in my arms from my shoulders to my elbows running down and then back up and leaving me with goose bumps.

So now I’m feeling a bit emotionally naked and exposed and YET, I feel free.  We all have issues.  And if sharing mine helps you know you’re not alone, I’ve done what I set out to do.  If sharing my story stirred you up and made you uncomfortable, I’ve done what I’ve set out to do.  If sharing my story touched you in a way that you want to talk about it, I’m here for you. Just invite me into a conversation.

I’m here to share my story and help others heal.  I’m here to hold space so you can do the work you need to do.  And while I hold the space, you do the work and  feel safe.




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How Do You Get What You Want?

Have you ever wanted to do something for yourself so much and yet come up with many obstacles that keep you from that very thing?

Things like: change jobs/careers; shift relationships; improve body image; try a new activity that stretches you; travel; date someone that didn’t exactly fit every box, yet the most important dealbreakers were met; Say no;

I have experienced this myself. Obstacles are resistance. Resistance is energetic fear, blocking us from moving forward.

I used to name it. Give a list of all the things getting in the way. All my obstacles: Time, Money, geography, my family beliefs, are common.

I’ve had prospects and even some clients that are hiders. Someone who doesn’t show up for an appointment or respond to texts or emails.

Either way the resistance, the fear, is going to keep you stuck. Stalled in the very thing you were trying to wrench free from.

Time, Money, Geography for me were also ways of saying “I don’t value myself enough to spend the time, the money or drive for X.  Most of us have resistance at one time or another. It’s change. And change can be scary. It is different. It is stretching our comfort.

Resistance can be SUPER obvious.

*Do you ever cancel or not show up at the last minute for appointments or with family & friends?

*Are you a self-sabotager?

*Do you believe life has to be hard?

*Do you struggle to say no?

*Do you struggle with comparing yourself/your career/your family to others and then get anxious or depressed or upset that some how you aren’t measuring up?

*Do you get lost in “other activities” instead of the ones that will bring about the very thing you desire most in your life?

These are just a few to get you started.  Truth is there are so many obstacles and resistances out there, it is a wonder any of us push forward.

So how?  How do you move forward when you are engaged in resistance?

First above all else: BE WILLING! Being willing to move past your resistance brings about more ease than fighting with yourself.  Next become aware: are of what you are feeling, sensing, thinking.  You cannot change what you aren’t aware of.  And face your resistance.  Call it out.  Name it.  And then ask WHY?  Ask: How is this keeping me comfortable?  What would happen if I faced this fear anyway? Is it keeping me comfortable? Am I ready to let this go so I can move forward?

When you become aware of your own energy: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually on a consistent basis, awareness becomes easier.

This is as easy as getting in the habit a few times a day (wake up, midday, evening, bedtime) asking yourself:
How do I feel? Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, Spiritually.  Take time to scan your body from the top of your head and the outside as well as the inside of your body…all the way down through your throat, your belly, to your feet and toes.  And note, how you feel at wake up.  Next check in, did anything change?

What changed?   What did you experience before the change?

Another way to get to awareness is through a mindfulness practice.  1 minute, 5 minutes, 30 minutes…any of them will bring about clarity.  Whether you are walking with intention, sitting in meditation, focused on the feel of a key in your hand, etc.

And after creating awareness, what would happen if instead of blocking the thing you want, you faced the fear, faced the obstacles. I know this may sound crazy…how about embrace the change. Embrace the resistance. Give it a hug.
I know when I do this, it feels vulnerable-exposed-sometimes raw. Yet I also know from my own experience, the thing that is the obstacle becomes smaller. Weird I know.

With potential clients or clients – to -be, I know this means they are tapping in to something they are ready to move past. Whether they work with me or it feels more aligned for their needs for me to refer them, ultimately it is about supporting them through this moment, help them gain awareness and inner wisdom around this so they can claim this THING they want so badly.

And yes, they do hide from me at times too. Each is different so I cannot tell you exactly what I do each time. I listen to my intuition.
I get frustrated because I want them to achieve that THING (whether it is with me or not) and see them blocking themselves.

And I reach out so they know, I’m here when they are ready to step in and say yes to releasing the block.

Sometimes getting caught up in our stuff, we need the support of someone else to see things more clearly and work it through with us.  I know that is why I work with someone.  And I know that is what my clients get from me.

Resistance and Obstacles get a bad rap, yet I know for me and with all my clients, R&O showing up means you are getting stirred up and that sh#t is ready to move out.
How do you deal with resistance & obstacles?


PS.  If this is something you want to speak about further, my invitation to you is to invite me into a conversation with you.

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