Believe

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Peel away your layer of fear; allow yourself to be rebirthed in love; watch as you blossom like a lotus flower with your petals open wide and seeking sunlight from above; as you climb each vista during your journey, regardless how steep or angled, find joy in the exploration and searching your soul in places high and seemingly inaccessible for nourishment. You can get there! BELIEVE!!

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I’m sitting today with monkey mind. My ego is trying to protect me from my own fear.  I’m letting go of so many old “dances” (patterns) that no longer serve me as I move forward fulfilling my dreams. Happiness surrounds me and yet I struggle to let go completely.  Why? Have you ever wanted to let go of something with every fiber of your being? I know holding on only keeps me from the very thing I desire so this should be simple, right? RIGHT!!

Sitting with my son this morning  reminds me the of the world’s simplicity.  He went to sleep crying last night because his stuffed Pluto the dog went missing.  I knew it was in the house and we’d find it, but he was crushed not to have him at bedtime.  Marc and I searched for an hour until we found Pluto hiding behind a TV from an earlier game of hide & seek with our son.  Pluto made it to bed, but not before Eli fell asleep. My heart hurt having him go to sleep so upset.  My heart  believed Pluto would be found at some point…and he was.

I’ve felt this feeling (inability to let go) in the past like the time I struggled to let go of a boyfriend.  We didn’t fit anymore and yet I allowed myself to stay a long time afraid to move on.  Once I made the break, I felt freedom like I hadn’t felt in years.  My spirit soared and I embraced my life.  Less than 6 months later I met my best friend and soul mate, Marc,  now my husband.  I believed.

So today, why am I struggling? Am I really holding on or am I trying to control my own process of letting go?  I want it over and done.  Next!While I am letting go of that old stuff, it is coming out of me in a way  I easily handle and manage within my life.  I do not have to be PERFECT at this, nor do I need to control it.  I continue believing and allowing and I let go. The tears of letting go roll down my face and my smile widens with each tear.  I am safe and I believe. 

Thank you for letting me share my struggle with control and letting go with you.

Lovingly Lotus

 

Sharing warmth & getting dirty

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As the earth near me feels a deep chill, my heart is warm. The warmth from my heart spills out to everyone around me through my words, actions, even a smile or laughter.

Where I live it is unseasonably cold today.  So cold that my son’s school is on a two hour delay.  Yet I am filled with warmth today. What warms me comes through my heart.  My memories, my feelings of love, my feeling of being loved by myself and others, smiles, laughter-all of these add up to the warmth emanating out of me. 

My son reminds me of memories I have not thought of in years.  Those memories make me smile and laugh and thus warm my heart and my soul. Yesterday, my son reminded me about getting dirty as a child.

He arrived home eager to show and tell me that his jeans were wet and muddy as were his soc ks and shoes.  My smiling response: If you had fun, that is great! His eyes were sparkling with the smile on his face as he said YES, he had fun. He told me how he and some friends threw rocks in a giant mud puddle until they were asked by the teacher to stop. Oh to be five.  I love that he gets dirty.  Dirt means he is experiencing life and most likely having fun.  This reminded me of my own five year old experience.  I shared this with him. 

When I was five, we lived across a field from a school and playground.  The playground had a World War II airplane in it for the kids to climb.  My best friends were a couple of boys and we LOVED playing in the airplane. My mommy (Gama to my son) got mad when I played in the airplane because I would come home with oil on my skin and clothes.  He said, ” Gama didn’t like that. ”  “Eli have you met Gama? Does she like dirt?”  “No mommy, she doesn’t.”  We laughed. I know now it was not an easy task to get the oil out.  Gama told me not to play in the airplane as it was dangerous and dirty. My son cut in and said, “Mommy you played on the airplane anyway didn’t you?” Smart boy! “Yes, I did.  I played on it and in it. Gama asked me when I got home if I played in the airplane.  “No mommy, I didn’t or No mommy, I just watched.” And then I got punished.  Eli said, “you got punished for lying and not listening”.  Another laugh from me (with hysterics coming from my hubby in the other room).  Yes, my mother told me she was punishing me because I lied.  Eli and I laughed and hugged each other.  My heart was smiling and warm.

I haven’t thought of that WWII airplane in years. And yet, the memory of playing there, sharing it with my son, laughing about it together, hearing my husband’s laughter from another room and then reminiscing about getting in trouble for lying with Marc filled me with such warmth.  I was warm and happy all night.

Today as much of our country is feeling temperature cold bring a smile to your heart and maybe someone else’s through a memory and feel the warmth spread.

Sending warmth, Lovingly Lotus