Seeing with Grace!


My eyes are closed and I can see.  My eyes are open and I see.  I see through my heart, my ears, touch, taste and smell.  I see through each one of my senses IF I pay attention and allow myself to see.  Do you allow yourself to see?

I’ve never thought of myself as a girl with rose colored glasses.  I believed I saw objectively, well, for most people and situations.   Yet while I was in India I began to see with more depth.  My belief wasn’t wrong, but many times my objectivity was based on my own frame of reference or experience.  Thanks to a conversation with my sister about how some people aren’t good test takers,  I began to understand and see life differently.  Maybe some of it was taking my own frame of reference or ego out of it and being open to other experiences or points of view when my ego was screaming inside :”that won’t work, that isn’t right, they don’t know”. 

This reminds me of a situation going on within our county. Recently, the county I live in has been in an emotional uproar due to a proposed school reassignment plan that affects over 6000 kids in the county, mine included.  The parents came together less than 8 weeks ago with many of us strangers, from all walks of life, living in neighboring communities.  Social media is amazing and quickly brought us together.  We rallied.  We were united and positive.  Over the weeks we’ve worked together to research, uncover, discover and formulate innovative ideas…a vision…to bring back to the Board of Education in hopes of working together and creating  a better, long term solution for the issues at hand that prompted the reassigment. 

We haven’t been met with open arms by the Board of Ed.  It is a challenge to have a conversation with anyone when the other person(s) don’t answer questions or engage.  Feeling unheard or invisible (not being seen)is an awful feeling for anyone in any situation.  And I know some parents are struggling, feeling down and getting angry.  I’ve had my own flashes of sadness too.

I look at the folks we elected to the Board of Ed.  And like all people, they are good people.  And like all people, sometimes people (self included) make bad choices.  These folks all ran for these positions in an effort to help our county and our children.  I applaud them for that.  The challenge is remembering why you are there and what you said you would do when you ran.  Egos get involved (they aren’t playing well with the County Commision) and sometimes it is just hard to let that stuff go.  Passion takes over and it becomes difficult to SEE from any viewpoint but where you are at that moment.  I get it. I believe these folks stood up to be elected and do great things and I believe with our support they will take a step back from their own experience and ego and allow themselves to see more points of view to create a long term vision that benefits everyone in the county and sees beyond their objective vision of their own experience.

How we help ourselves and others see is through belief, support and saying what you feel and what is true for you gently or nurturingly so it can be heard. In doing so it makes others feel comfortable, even safe to listen and see other points of view not within their own experience or frame of reference.  If the world played it safe with ideas, we would still be sending smoke signals to communicate rather than smart phones, blogs, internet, social media, etc.

Take a step back today and ask yourself in any situation, what if I was the other person? What if my experiences were different? Would I feel or see this situation differently.  Can I take myself out of it long enough to see objectively another point of view and truly be open to accepting one that isn’t mine?   It is not always easy and some days I struggle with it, but WOW it is so worth it when I step back.  Each time encourages me more and more to continue.  We are all a work in progress on the path of our journey of life.  Remembering part of a well known song: “was blind, but now I see”.  Now that is grace.

stone of grace

I encourage you to SEE in everyway.

Lovingly Lotus

Let it Go…

  elsa transforms

We took my son to see “Frozen” last weekend.  The song “Let it Go” entranced me.

I connected so easily with the words as if someone was inside my inner soul reading my feelings (past and present)and writing this song.  Have you ever experienced anything like that?

I identified with Elsa.

elsa before

My past long ago I  had been in my own” kingdom of isolation, and I was the Queen.”  I had a “swirling storm inside, couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried”

What I couldn’t keep in and stuff came out as anger.   For many years I held back and held so much inside stuffing my true feelings or letting the anger out like a tidal wave or avalanche of the most extreme part of my feelings.  Yet mostly, I said, did, and appeared as what I believed everyone else expected. This way my brain believed I would fit in and be accepted and loved.  I wore my inside sadness as Elsa wore her cloak.

“Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know”

And then parts of the real me  or my feelings began slipping out.  I was so full and tired of stuffing. I made a choice to change the direction of my journey. It was not an overnight decision or process.  I sought support and help from family, friends, my journal, loving professionals.  I spent time and I touched those places I never wanted to look at or share. It was scary. Through my self reflection and healing,  I began to let my feelings and the real me out like dipping a toe or two into a pool.  This took time.  I lost track of how many times I took a backwards step or thought I was done healing.  Then life happened and I struggled and worked through it. One by one, I let go, releasing my wounds and learning from them so I could change the course of my life. 

Being me , even partially, changed my circles and my playgrounds.  And that didn’t always feel good. There were times I felt completely alone and during those times I learned I always have someone, ME.  I became my own best friend. 

“Well, now they know….
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door

I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway”

And as years passed,  my gratitude  for my experiences increased while  the hold the emotions and pains had on me dissapated.

“It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all”

elsa transforms 1
And then it was time to let the real me, my soul, out and soar.  Be myself completely, unafraid of sharing who I am. Let myself be FREE!!
“It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free”
“Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Here I stand
And here I’ll stay”

I feel empowered, full of love for myself and others.  Not just love, ACCEPTANCE.  I feel connected!

“My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone

Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway “

elsa changing 3

I’m grateful for my journey every single day and for my new theme  song “Let it Go” from “Frozen” .  I embrace who I am which allows others to embrace me.  By no means is my life today perfect without any rollercoaster ups or downs.  I learned the perfection in life is the imperfection.  I choose to look at my hills and valleys differently MOST days.  And when I forget, a song, a movie, my husband, my son, another loved one, a friend, a stranger, etc. will somehow remind me.

If you are struggling or feeling pain in any part of your life, I hope you decide to change the direction of your journey, embrace and face what is keeping you in the struggle or pain so you can heal it and let it go. 

Sending you acceptance, hugs and loving energy….

Lovingly Lotus