UGH or Joy: we choose

Feeling all kinds of frustration after what began as a lovely day. Well, okay let me back track. My day began with the alarm going off and my hubs hitting snooze (multiple times).  small bump. While he showered,  I did a morning meditation with Killian and Hunter (dog and cat) loving on me.  Hubs and I joked around while getting ready.

Happy morning. Then I realized I forgot to set our son’s alarm last night and we were two minutes past wake up time. Doesn’t seem like much unless you are almost 7 and two minutes is a HUGE amount of time.  He woke up easily, yay! Then walking like he was still asleep, he shuffled downstairs and began putting vitamins in his mouth and getting dressed. Now if these vitamins were candy (and they do taste sweet), they would be gone in 10 seconds, okay maybe a minute. He chooses to suck on them while he is dressing. He was dressed pretty quick but unable to eat because of the vitamins still in his mouth.  BUMP. This dragged on for almost 15 minutes. Finally got him eating in time to say…stop let’s brush teeth and you can bring your waffle to the bus stop. Now at this point, we are all happy just on SPEEDY moving.

Delicious moments at the bus stop with our little man asking for a hamster. Um, NO. Dog and cat are plenty thanks. The hubs later concurred loudly with laughter. Lots of hugs and kisses and silly dancing later, he got on the bus. I was off to get my morning walk/run on and talk to my hubs. Great walk and talk. Love being outdoors in the neighborhood as everything is waking up.

Back at home, gave the dog some outside time and went out the front door to meditate. DELISH!!! 45 minutes to an hour later I made my protein shake and went to do email before beginning to write. The beginnings of a great day!

And that is where it all began the UGH. One email account was sending but not receiving. The other account was not receiving and the address book disappeared. Okay. Tackled the latter. Tech support worked with me. Address book recovered. Yay! Then they worked on receiving issue. Done. Feeling good I moved onto the first account. That was not as easy. When the tech person isn’t confident and knows about as much as me, I have a challenge with trust. When asked to delete my account and do some other things that didn’t make sense, my fears slid in. What if it deletes all my inbox email I haven’t foldered? What if I delete the wrong thing and cannot recover?  She couldn’t explain what to delete and I was panicking. BIG BUMP. Called my amazing hubby, who said NO…do NOT DELETE. I will handle when I get home tonight and since web mail works, use that today. Breathing again and grateful he is techy. I know I complain when he has his nose in his phone or computer A LOT. Today at this moment, I am grateful for it!! CHOICE.

So I’m over the panicking. Not complaining. Choosing my weather, my mood. Feeling my heartbeat slow down. Getting back to my zen and writing away.  HAPPY!

We choose if we allow our fears or any perceived bumps in the road to steal our joy. When we acknowledge our fears and look for other possibilities and/or embrace them so we can move past them, their power diminishes over us. So now I’m sitting here smiling away, AGAIN. Grateful for all that occurred this morning and the awareness I gained from it and enjoying the choices I made.

Wishing us all a great day!! It is what we make of it.

Lovingly Lotus.

Emotionally full-recognizing & releasing

We feel like a quiet volcano about to spew.  Being full…Full emotionally, mentally, physically. Is it caused by one situation? Sometimes. Is it caused by juggling a number of situations? Sometimes.  Can it be old stuff we’ve held onto? Sometimes. We realize it  when:

  1. Things that don’t usually bother us start grating on us
  2. Patience is out the window
  3. We feel different inside ourselves, uncomfortable. Feeling things healed long ago
  4. Crying at the drop of a hat
  5. Feeling suffocated in general or by clutter
  6. Trouble remembering normal everyday words to finish sentences (on the tip of our tongues)

What to do? Usually I create time by myself and meditate, cry, yell (alone)- any or all of the above.  Some of these I do at the same time. This time I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin.  I was feeling things I’d healed long ago.  I was very “touchy”.   I got angry at my family over stuff that normally doesn’t bother me. OUCH. Then I cried about my behavior and taking it out on them. Did I mention I’m not a fan of DRAMA? This was old stuff.  I meditated and journaled releasing as much as I could, but still needed a good cry.  Crying for me is a natural release for most of my emotions. So I squashed the rest of the release until my family left the house.

I knew there was just a little more to let go. And I asked for help releasing it as I don’t cry on command.  I prayed, meditated, journaled, worked out and yet my tears and emotions would begin coming up at the worst times like when I was about to pick up my son from school or have a meeting. So I stuffed it back down until later. I took a shower one evening figuring that would help stimulate my release. Nothing.  This hadn’t happened before. Then I watched a couple of movies on TV that usually make me cry to get it going again. NOTHING. Frustrated I gave up til morning. In the morning before my son woke up I began to get teary. Then I heard my son and cut it off. Not because he shouldn’t see me cry, only because it was a school day and this didn’t involve him. So after he went to school, I meditated again. NOTHING. Finally after a phone call from a friend…I listened to a piece of music she suggested. I don’t know if it was the instruments, the words, the combination of those things and the voice or what…but the tears began STREAMING down my face FINALLY releasing. Releasing frustration of old, anger of old, resentment of old, self worth issues of old. Such OLD stuff that I healed a long time ago and was still carrying residue inside.

We need to release so we aren’t like a bottle of soda that gets shaken up and opened spewing all over the place.  It is normal for us to get full now and again in our busy lives. It is also normal to release residue from old things we’ve healed and moved past to make room for what comes next in our lives.  Our fullness and release serve us as  great reminders.  Reminding us , we need to take time for ourselves consistently and ask for help.

So grateful for my hubby and his support. Holding me, listening, loving me.  So grateful for my son and his love.  So grateful for their forgiveness. So grateful for my friends and their love and support.  So grateful to be vulnerable together.

Lovingly Lotus