Tag Archives: complain

Taking the STING out of Conflicts

So the other day I was sharing a story my son’s day  at camp with a friend.  And she was struck by the way he handled a conflict with a friend.

A day or two before Eli had been called a name by this friend.  He handled the conflicts as most 9 year olds would and even lots of us adults.  He was upset.  So he got a counselor involved.

The next day he and the friend kind of avoided each other.  And Eli was still upset thinking the friend didn’t like him anymore.

I’m so grateful he shares this with me and Marc so we can counsel him.  So I asked him a few questions:

 

  1. What is the story you are writing?   You know the one I mean? The one that hasn’t happened yet.  The one that is projecting from your Ego/FearVoice/Inner Critic?

*Writing a story or ASSUMING what will happen shifts your energy and the energy of the situation.  REMEMBER: Energy follows Energy

This type of thinking can bring about increased stress, anxiety, depression, anger and yet- NOTHING has happened YET.

Try not to be mad at the fear voice.  It is only trying to protect you and keep you safe.  Instead give it gratitude.  Thank it for having your back.  And then tell it.  I’m SAFE.  Please get quieter so I can hear my Heart/Intuitive voice.

This is the voice that won’t steer you wrong.  It leads from LOVE.

Now Eli, had already decided his friend was done with him.  They were not friends.  And he decided that if Eli approached the friend he would not be received.

So we role played with each other and with his stuffed animals.  We did some silly ones, some funny ones, some angry ones and some positive outcome ones.  And Eli began to see the story hadn’t been written… YET.

2.  The next question I asked him “What from your past hurts is feeding your worries. ”  Can you think of another time when you felt this same way? OR When the story you are writing came true?

Now Eli has been doing a tremendous healing around an incident that happened a couple of years ago when a man in charge of his Tae Kwon Do after school program physically threatened him.  So he was able to speak his feelings about this AND the bullying by the older kids in the program who tortured him while the adult provided no protection or solace.

He connected TRUST and his own CONFIDENCE were the wounds contributing to the story writing.

3.  Next I asked him: Where is your power when you write these stories?  Where is your trust and confidence?

He is so cute.  He said “Mommy, I give away my power when I don’t trust myself and God to help me and that makes me feel not confident. And Mommy, you taught me energy follows energy.  So I’m bringing my energy down when I could TRUST myself and God which will give me the power and confidence to do something different.”

I have to admit my eyes welled up with tears at this point.  It has been a short, yet long 2 year journey filled with some scary shit. So to hear him say all this was beautiful and such a testament to his amazingness and the POWER LOVE has in healing.

4.  We spoke about his options of what he could do the next day.  All of it being his choice.  Do nothing.  Ask a counselor to help him speak with the friend.  Speak with the friend on his own using a powerful technique called “I statements”.  And more.

BEFORE making this decision, I asked him to sit with this.  Think back to the time you’ve spent with this friend BEFORE the conflict.  Is this someone you really enjoyed?  Did you feed each other’s energy? Did you have fun? Was there a mutual respect until the conflict?  And if you could have the outcome you desire, what would it be?

Marc and I told him this was his to decide and there was NO right and NO wrong.  We’ve both tried many of these things with great outcomes and shitty outcomes.  He had to really feel this out.

So here is what he did: He found the friend and asked if they could speak (BIG ASS COURAGE for my guy).  The friend agreed.

Then Eli used the POWER of “I” statements.

 

 

When you do _____

I feel _____

Because ____ (vulnerable)_____

Self reflective share

And then he gave his friend an opportunity to do the same.  Though at 9, his friend didn’t know what to do.  So he asked Eli if they could move forward and be friends.  And Eli being the forgiving soul he is, said YES.  And off they went.

The “I” statement takes the  sting out of confrontation while you stay in your power during a conflict.  And provides an easy to maneuver conversation aiding in coming to resolution.  All involved are seen and heard through this SUPER POWER tool.

The keys in conflict is know you are getting stirred up by your wounds, your fears.  If possible finding space to calm, breathe and discern the answers to the questions I asked Eli will help you process.

And the “I” statement during confrontation, conflict, in the heat of the moment…helps empower you and the other person.  It keeps you from going below the belt and provides the beginning of a map to communicating through the conflict and synergizing a solution.  And that takes the STING out.

Look, none of us is perfect.  And we aren’t here in this life to be perfect.  It’s about learning, experiencing and loving while we are here.  You are going to make mistakes, you are going to make bad choices.  You can drown in them or choose to learn from them.

Free will baby, it’s all about choice.
XO

Lost Luggage, Lost love

I recently traveled for vacation with my 8 year old son meeting my hubby in Minneapolis.  A short time before our flight boarded, the flight was canceled.  No crew.  We thankfully made it to the TOP of the list for the next flight to fly standby.  When we agreed to fly standby, the airline rep told us, our bag would be going on this flight whether we made it or not.  FAMOUS last words.  We made it.  Our bag did not.  And I was reminded of the only other time my luggage was “delayed” and the difference inside ME today.

Just over fifteen years ago, PM (pre-Marc), I took a trip to Aruba with one of my besties.  One of the things I LOVE about my bestie, she is laid back, go with the flow, creates fun and lives in the moment.  Well, at the time, I thought I was like this too.  And I was to a degree, yet inside me I was still a work in progress as we all are.  I remember sharing with my friend about all the recent big changes and belief shifts in my life.  You know, like, I meditated.  At the time I had an inconsistently consistent mindful practice and while I received benefit from my inconsistent practice, some of what spurred me to share was about being “on trend”.  I engaged in intuitive energy healing.  My intuition sharp and clear while in TRUTH, my trust of myself was spotty.  I was more patient, more calm.  True.  And I loved myself.  YES.   Yet, I still felt unsatisfied in areas of my life.  Okay, I did NOT admit to myself let alone anyone else about any incomplete feelings.   I believed it was my outer stuff: my hair, my clothes, my body, my job, my finances were still the root cause to my life dissatisfaction. I mean I did the work, I loved myself.  So it couldn’t be that.  But my love for me  wasn’t full body, mind, heart, soul and psyche, feeling amazing inside love consistently.  So the thought that my STUFF: hair dryer, makeup, the “perfect bathing suit” and comfy great looking on me clothes would be missing caused me great anguish which spread from my psyche to my experience quickly.  Body stuff had been “getting me” on some level since I was a kid and developed early.

As a recovering bulimic, I was so NOT COMFORTABLE with the idea of having to find something to wear with limited choices.  My fears of finding “clothes I looked cute in” outweighed fun.

I kept it inside and attempted to “go with the flow”.  It didn’t work at all.   My friend went out and I stayed in the room trying to get information from the airline on where my bag was and when I could expect it.  I had looked forward to this trip for weeks and I was spending it chaining myself in the room.  I figured once I knew when I’d have my stuff, I’d be able to have fun (interpret as allow myself to have fun).

That evening I left the room to go to dinner.  My bestie made a comment about how for all my sharing about my life shifts, my behavior didn’t match up.  Wow, did that hurt.  That is what I love about my friend.  She didn’t say it to hurt.  She said it quite compassionately.  It hurt because it was TRUE.  And I loved myself enough to recognize the outer turmoil I experienced because of my lack of deeper self love.

I did go out after that and uncomfortably purchased: a dress, shorts and t-shirts, underwear and a bathing suit.  I made do for our time there as my luggage never showed up.  And I had fun, yet I lost a day and half of enjoying Aruba due to not fully loving myself on a fuller body, mind, heart, soul and psyche level.  And believe me, I’d done ALOT of work on liking and loving myself.  Therapy, books, classes, etc.   I was feeling better than ever about myself.  My lack of self love at a deeper level propelled me to give in to fear.  Fear about how I looked, fear about how I would fit in on the trip, fear about the money I spent on necessities being reimbursed and more. This experience showed me I still had healing work to do and it was time to level up. Learning to love me was not a one and done experience.

Apparently my luggage was partying in Mexico and arrived a bit hung over at my house about 3 hours after I arrived home from Aruba.  Then the specialty vacation airline gave me a hard time about reimbursement at a time when my finances were more limited. Really? I was on an island.  I had limited choices and certainly didn’t spend thousands.  This was one of my fears come to life about purchasing necessities.  I was still dealing with this weeks later when I met the love of my life, Marc, my husband.  It did all work out. But I digress…

So back to the present story.  We arrived in Minneapolis just after 3pm, much later than the 10am we were expected.  Truly happy to be there.  Found my hubs in baggage claim.  He told us the luggage had not arrived.  I thought he was kidding.  That is so his sense of humor.  He wasn’t kidding.  And immediately my Aruba experience flashed back.  Not out of fear at all.   I actually laughed aloud when I thought of it.  That is no longer my story.  That is not who I am.  I love me so many levels deeper than my time in Aruba.  It was just STUFF.  Sure, it would be a pain to have to replace it if my luggage didn’t show, but chances are it would arrive at some point.  And then my WHY for being in Minneapolis spoke up.   I am here with my family to enjoy quality time together.  We will buy clothes if we need to and we will figure it out.  Regardless, we will have fun and enjoy this adventure even if it is in the same stinky clothing.  So, we filed our claim with the airline and went on our way.

Before bed wearing one of Marc’s t-shirts, we checked and still no status on where our luggage was.  OK.  The next morning  we got up did what my sister calls a “CWBath” (the genitals, the face and the pits) and left the hotel.  First stop coffee at Starbucks.  2nd stop Marshall’s for a few essentials to change our clothes.

Arrived back at the hotel, changed clothes and checked the luggage tracker.  Good news.  Luggage found, placed on 8am flight out of Charlotte arriving in Minneapolis by 10am.  Then it takes up to 12 hours for delivery.  I shrugged and we moved on with the adventure of the day not giving luggage another thought.  Fortunately it was warmish and my FIT FLOPS,  which I wore on the flight, were comfy for walking.  We walked all over downtown exploring.

We had a blast making memories and laughing all day and decided to grab takeout and head back to our room for a late supper.  Just as we sat down to eat (about 915pm), the phone rang and YES, our luggage had arrived.  We looked at each other and laughed saying “we’ll get that after we eat”.  No rush.  I didn’t even unpack til the next morning.

I was thrilled at my shift and the freedom I could so clearly see and feel.  The difference today is I know the outer shit doesn’t matter.  Not the clothes, not the finances, not anything.  And not because anyone else says it doesn’t matter, but because I truly believe it. Why doesn’t it matter? Because I am in love with myself .  My feeling of wholeness is so complete, I could simply be in the moment.  When dissatisfaction or diminished enjoyment impact any area of your life, the very first thing you must learn how to do is love yourself.  Not the BLAH BLAH love yourself.  The whole body, mind, heart, soul and psyche feeling amazing on the inside kind of love yourself. This is the key to greater happiness, greater success and greater satisfaction in life.  That is the journey of this great adventure we call life. Only one other person I know could appreciate this beautiful story, I called my bestie and gave her a great chuckle.  And the rest is history.

BIG LOVE and GRATITUDE,

Marni

The Power of Words

Words are soooo powerful.

When I was a kid my Grandma and my Dad used to call me the “da greser”  and my sister “da kleyner”.  Pronounced: (dah graseh = long A and lightly rolled “r”) and (dah klayneh = long A). Loosely translated Greser is Yiddish for bigger, older, greater  while Kleyner was little, younger, smaller.

Well at the time, I learned the meanings of these words, I was not in love with me.  So what I heard was the BIGGER sister and the SMALLER sister.  Oy vey! Those words had HUGE power over me and I heard and took all this to mean I was FAT, HUGE, BIG, LARGE.

Here is a picture of me at that time, standing behind a friend’s younger brother.

Surprising?

Words HAVE POWER.  Did my family mean for me to believe I was BIG and FAT? No.  But what you say to yourself has HUGE power and how you CHOOSE, yes, CHOOSE, to take in the words from people (especially ones you care about) have huge power over you too.

I defined myself  at this point in my life as the BIG one, the FAT one even when I wasn’t FAT.

My parents and grandparents loved me, adored me.  They had ZERO intention of hurting me or saying anything that would derail me or have such a negative impact in my life.  But there was a lot going on in my young 8-9 year old life and the free spirit I had been just a year before disappeared quickly.

Here is a pic during a recent adventure  with the love of my life .  I’m definitely larger.  The difference between how I saw myself then and now?  I am in love with me.  I’m happy.  I’m beautiful.  I love my body. I take care of myself meditating, exercising and mostly eating nutritiously and I’m healthy. I live in gratitude (most days). I would definitely love to release some weight yet I live my life enjoying the journey and not waiting for that day of what used to be my belief of “perfection”.

How do you get there? You learn how to use the power of words to help YOU fall in love with yourself.  It doesn’t mean you’ll never have a bad day or get triggered.  What it means is you are so in love with yourself you can keep going even after you stumble or fall.  You show yourself compassion.  You become aware of the words you think about yourself and how you speak TO yourself and about yourself.

I’m real about what I ‘m super great at and what is just not my strong suit.  Yet, I don’t say I SUCK at _____.   I do my best and ask for help when I need it.  We all have our unique abilities and areas of day to day living where ya just need support.  It’s really okay.

Read these out loud with enthusiasm and make note of  how you feel saying each one:

I love you!

I hate you!

Your tush is too big!

You are soo skinny.

You are gorgeous!

You are loud.

That wasn’t nice.

You are so sweet.

I suck at this.

You are powerful.

You are the big sister.

You are the older sister.

What did you notice?  Did you feel better with the compliments? OR did you struggle to believe them?   Did you dislike the put downs or feel agreement with them?

Now try this one.  Loud and Proud.  Say:  I am in love with me!

Can you say it out loud? Can you smile when saying it? Do you believe it? In your head? In your heart?

I hear friends, family and client’s talk about themselves sometimes and just feel for them cringing as I hear the way they put themselves down unconsciously or deflect sincere compliments.  Those are sure signs you may not be in love with you.  And I often ask if they would speak to someone else that way. Almost everyone says NO WAY!  “So what makes it okay to speak to yourself like that?”

Do any of these sound familiar:

  • Filled with self doubt (often or compartmentalized consistently)
  • Looking for love outside of you to fill you up and make you feel whole (emotionally and sexually)
  • Difficulty having and holding boundaries
  • Difficulty receiving compliments
  • Addicted to Drama or drama follows you constantly
  • Indecisive
  • Speak down to yourself or about yourself
  • complain often

If you said yes to any of these (I used to say yes to them all so don’t be shy here), most likely you are not in love with yourself.

Lack of love for yourself has the POWER to change your life.  Let’s rephrase that: Falling in Love with yourself has the SUPER POWER to change your life; shift how you feel inside and out; change how you experience day to day living situations and relationships.

The power of words is one SUPER TOOL I use in collaboration with powerful energetic healing to help clients begin falling love with themselves.

You were born as part of love and so you are LOVE.  As you grow, you hear words and learn about conditions and you create beliefs about yourself that are not true.  You can reframe these self laws and change them.  You have the POWER!!

Begin one word at a time.  Set an intention to become aware of how you speak to yourself (and how you think about yourself).  Get real.  Be honest.  Awareness is a HUGE key in the work I do.  You cannot change what you are NOT aware of.

Once you are aware of it, change can begin.  Pick ONE belief at a time.  Change it.  Reframe it so it is stretching your system making you a little uncomfortable and yet you see the possibility of it being true.   And work with that one until you believe in your heart and soul your new belief .  And then keep going taking it deeper.

It is SO possible.  I am living proof as are my clients.

I know you will see and feel changes in your life and your experiences.  You will create a feeling of lightness filled with joy.

And should you want support, I am here for you.  I am on a mission to help as many people as I can fall in love with themselves.  So I invite you to connect with me and ask.  It is a attribute of strength to know when you need support and ask for it.

I LOVE YOU!!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!

With Love and Gratitude,

Marni

 

 

 

 

I Am Always The Strong One

I am always the strong one.  At least that is the illusion I told myself.  I am the one who remains clear headed and calm while the chaos ensues around me.  I’m the one that handles the crisis during the crisis.  The cost is I don’t get to my feelings until much later after the chaos becomes calm. 

After the crisis and before I get to my feelings, I am cranky, bitchy, nitpicky.  And when I let loose, it is like my insides are falling out of me.  I cry tears that could fill the oceans.  I sob out loud and I just let go.  And man, am I tired when I’m finished.  It takes so much energy to hold up the world and keep it together when I just want to cry in that moment.  But if I did, then I wouldn’t be the strong one. Or would I?

This is how I grew up.  This was the role I created for myself.  My unique ability.  My “look at me and what I can do talent”.  The action I took for approval and love.  What I felt I had to do to be loved.  Yet, I was already loved.  Loved before conception, loved the second I was conceived, the moment I came into this body on this earth.  I am love. 

Somewhere along the way, I learned being dependable was strong and approved (approval = love) and showing lots of emotion was judged as weak.  So, funny, I live my life in a colorful world mixing colors constantly.  Yet for this huge decision, I looked at only 2 choices, black or white.  My fear erased color and with it possibilities. 

I did such a good job playing my “strong one” role that when I shared my feelings with loved ones and began taking off my mask, they responded with “you can handle it, you are strong”.  Often, that made me super angry to hear.  I wanted the perceived nurturing I saw going to the “weak”.  The rescuing.  I wanted to be rescued. 

And so I tried my hand at being a victim.  I didn’t get the reaction I wanted.  I received tough words and tough love. And that made me angry and kicked off more fears about me not being loved.  A self-fulfilling prophecy?

Life is about possibilities, endless possibilities.  Today I am still great in a crisis with my feelings hanging out or running down my face.  I allowed myself to see other possibilities.  I no longer have HUGE releases after a crisis that drain me of energy.  I gave myself permission to feel in the moment.  I am the strong one because I allow myself to feel and express my vulnerability without becoming a victim.

And I am grateful for this beautiful awareness.  I am grateful for the times I believed in the illusion.  And I am so grateful to know the difference.   This awareness I pass on to my son.  Feel your feelings, acknowledge them.  Crying is a release.  Admitting you are sad, frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, AFRAID, doesn’t make you weak…it is what you do next that becomes your story.  Do you become a victim of woe is me or do you keep moving, find gratitude and live your life, human, vulnerable and strong?

How do you begin reframing what you believe and your behaviors? I’ll share with you what I discovered. My magic powers I’ve used for years…

First you become aware.  Then you create an intention.  How do you want to embrace your life or a specific aspect of it.  Stick with something that stretches your comfort zone and yet you believe it is possible.  Sometimes it is your intention that helps grow your awareness.  And then develop an affirmation, an I am statement.  Something in your own words that you desire and can believe.  Both your intention and affirmation may be works in progress.  That is absolutely okay. 

And finally, gratitude.  When I live in gratitude, my fears are quieter.  It doesn’t mean they don’t exist, but fear doesn’t get so loud that it controls my life.  And when it does, I discover I have forgotten my gratitude.

I realize this may sound too easy or possibly lame depending on your perspective.  All I know is it works.  It works in my life.  And I have the incredible delight of witnessing it change the lives of my clients.

I sit in gratitude almost daily focusing on an intention and affirmation to guide me or grow me that day.  And sometimes I have the same intentions and affirmations for a few weeks as I allow myself to change.  My gratitude notebook goes everywhere with me in my purse.  When I feel something, I write it down.  And when I’m struggling, it helps me remember.  Some days it might be gratitude that I am breathing or the sun is shining. 

I realize this seems so simple. How could something this simple change your life? Try it consistently and watch yourself soar.  And if you dare enough to try it, write to me and tell me how your life is changing.  I want to dance in celebration for you and with you.   

 

I struggle

What am I going to write about? The time I struggled and showed my ass by behaving like I’d lost my mind? There are moments I feel like I’m part of the circus or better yet starring in a sit-com.  My life is far from always being full of laughter though we laugh a lot in our family.

I get tired of taking everything so seriously.  So I put on a pair of “TV glasses” and see what each situation I’m worried about, frustrated with, pissed about, and enjoying would like through the camera of a sit-com.

I discovered this solution when Eli was an infant.  I was alone and changing his diaper.  He stuck one foot in poop, then another, then his hand.  Somehow it got on my hands too.  I was by myself at home.  And as a new mom, I began to panic.  How do I figure this out? How do I get my son and myself clean without getting poop everywhere.  Every idea I thought of resulted in me seeing my son ending up falling to the floor.  All the tools I needed were in other rooms,  The thought of carrying poop from room to room with a dog and three cats standing by to enter the fray filled me with more anxiety.   My body tensed and tightened.  And then Eli began to cry.  Big surprise, right?  And then as he wriggled in more poop, for a split second I imagined my reaction if I was watching this on TV.  What was the big deal? And I began to laugh.  And as I laughed and my body loosened, Eli calmed and smiled.  I have no idea how, but somehow I cleaned us both pretty quickly and easily.  And from then on, I pulled out my “TV Glasses” during life situations.  Any caregivers out there ever experience similar situations?

Which brings me to a few days ago when again I was struggling, frustrated and a little scared.  Instead of picturing the sitcom, I cried.  I disagreed with my producer for my upcoming radio show and participated in unnecessary arguing drama.  I was not fit for human consumption and I felt it in my body. I reflected on all my “life plates” I keep spinning, my to dos.  Are these life or death “plates”? Nope.  What will happen if I don’t get EVERYTHING done? Nothing.  What am I afraid of?

Truth? Falling on my face which is FAILING. Yet even as I say that most of me is not afraid.  I know in the deepest part of me, even if I fall on my face there is a reason.  I know the experience will provide me with an opportunity.  Now truth be told.  It isn’t comfortable to fail.  So I don’t know of anyone who runs out and says Yes, I’ll choose Failure.  What I know is if I don’t choose change,  which comes with risks, and pushing out of what is comfortable, I stay stuck.

Complacency becomes another word for stuck.  Don’t make waves. Status quo.   Don’t ask a tough question because of what might happen.  Did you know stuck means you don’t get to experience the fantabulous either?

Self-esteem plays a huge role in your willingness to embrace change.  Change can have ALOT of unknown and unfamiliar feelings and factors.  So of course complacency will feel better in some aspects because you know it.  And you know your outcomes even if they are painful.

So here I go taking another leap:  1) I premiered my radio show heard globally   2) I stopped part of my business marketing which I believed until recently was the largest draw for meeting new clients.   I do not know what I’m doing next to grow my community.   I trust it will be revealed soon (there was a bit of GULP the first time I said that)  3) I am continuing to lovingly detach as a parent (more on this in future articles). Providing my son opportunities to grow and fail (as safely as I can)  4) I am visibly emerging with  live videos on social media, radio, joint ventures with other healers 5) I am learning how to do my radio show from my computer and all the mechanics and marketing (there are at least 10 things here I don’t know)  6) I am allowing in my relationship with Marc instead of listening to the voice telling me to “drive the train”.  With more leaping each week and sometimes daily.

And while some days it feels harder and some days I fail.  I am still happy everyday.  And more and more consistently, I feel an ease and a joy.  I feel a freedom like I did as a kid riding my bike super fast with the wind blowing my hair kicking my feet out as I went down a huge hill and yelling WHEEEEEEE!!!

With Love and Gratitude,

Marni

 

Please tune in tomorrow at 9am Eastern & join us in the conversation. You will learn, laugh & be inspired to grow.

Are you familiar with the word chakra and what it is? I invite you to join my touching and sometimes humorous conversation about chakras with Paula Vail of For the Love of Reiki.

Source: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/95900/chakras

Self-Esteem: Reclaiming Yours

Feeling stuck or in pain sucks. Gaining awareness is the first step in healing your self-esteem and living life in happiness. Join me tomorrow morning, November 15th at 9am Eastern, for a real and vulnerable conversation with my friend, Nami Nesterowicz. You will be so glad you did. And while you are listening call us. We want to hear from you. 1-866-472-5792. #selfesteem #love

 

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Heal Your Sh#t with Marni

Tuesday at 6 AM Pacific

November 15, 2016: Self-Esteem Healing: Reclaiming Yours

Join me and my friend and Master Healer, Nami in our heart tugging and at times playful conversation about healing self-esteem. I’ll share the 7 Habits indicating your self-esteem needs healing; Become part of our conversation as Nami and I share our own stories and tools we used to shift and reclaim our own self-esteem. Tune in and call us we want to hear from you and hear your questions.



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7 habits revealing you have low self esteem

low self esteem

Years ago, my friends and family would tell me I needed to like myself more.  They said I had low self-esteem.  It frustrated me to hear what I took as judgement and criticism.  That is until the day I realized, they were right. 

Self-esteem seems to be a “taboo” topic especially to admit a lack of.  It makes you vulnerable or feel somehow less than.  Yet it is so common for so many to struggle with their self-identity.

How do you know if you have low self-esteem?

Here are 7 habits revealing you have low self-esteem:

1) Self-doubt: literally is self-distrust, lack confidence; not believing in yourself to achieve anything or specific things you truly desire in your life, negative beliefs, living in negativity

2) Love Lack: Looking for love outside of you to fill you up and make you feel whole (emotionally and sexually); inability or difficult time accepting compliments; negative talk about self

3) Accommodating Boundaries: allowing yourself, your values, your decisions to be walked over or compromised; accommodating others at the detriment to your own needs or desires; more than compromising; giving up; expressing your boundary and not standing up for it when someone crosses it

4) Indecisive: Flip flopper, cannot make a decision, constantly questioning did you make the right decision, changing your mind (from buying shoes to choosing relationships); wishy washy; a “what if” game champ

5) Never-ending search for THE magic pill: always looking for what or who will “fix” you/your life: a better job, more money, a better relationship, more friends, better home or car, new clothes,  losing or gaining weight- instead of realizing the MAGIC is like Dorothy and the ruby slippers, it is ALWAYS inside you.

6) Drama Addiction: Drama follows you everywhere; Drama/Crisis shows up throughout your life either by invitation or your own creation; dramatic high test emotional responses and outbursts reacting to all events in your life; lots of fuss and commotion over most events in your life especially the “little things”; little things become BIG things easily for you

7) Invisible/Overtalker: Feeling not heard in conversations as if you’ve said nothing or aren’t there; even feeling frustrated about not being heard that becomes a DRAMA (see #6), pushing your feelings away so you feel less pain; OR Difficulty truly listening just to listen and constantly interrupting and talking over most conversations

If any of these habits sound or feel familiar, chances are your self esteem needs healing.

How do I know? At times in my life:
I have experienced them all many times over sometimes on the same day.

I have been filled with doubt that I could have the life I wanted.

I have gone “looking for love in all the wrong places”.

I have been a “people pleaser” afraid to speak up for myself and compromising myself to fit in or “be liked”.

I have re-lived times in my life replaying what happened, questioning my decisions and torturing myself with “what ifs”.

I have blamed others and twisted myself in knots trying to make relationships what I thought they were supposed to be, finding unhappiness in my job, my body, my clothes and telling myself if these things were what everyone else said they should be OR my perception of what everyone said they should be, THEN my life would improve.

I have created and participated in drama over anything and everything, DRAMA QUEEN.

I have felt the need to talk no matter who else was talking and control the conversation and I have felt completely invisible in a conversation with   friends.

I felt stuck, unhappy, uncomfortable, disconnected and insecure.  I wanted to escape and have the life I saw people around me having.

Is this you?
I help clients everyday just like you.  Click on the link below and let’s talk about where you are, where you want your life to be and how, what I do can help you.

UGH or Joy: we choose

Feeling all kinds of frustration after what began as a lovely day. Well, okay let me back track. My day began with the alarm going off and my hubs hitting snooze (multiple times).  small bump. While he showered,  I did a morning meditation with Killian and Hunter (dog and cat) loving on me.  Hubs and I joked around while getting ready.

Happy morning. Then I realized I forgot to set our son’s alarm last night and we were two minutes past wake up time. Doesn’t seem like much unless you are almost 7 and two minutes is a HUGE amount of time.  He woke up easily, yay! Then walking like he was still asleep, he shuffled downstairs and began putting vitamins in his mouth and getting dressed. Now if these vitamins were candy (and they do taste sweet), they would be gone in 10 seconds, okay maybe a minute. He chooses to suck on them while he is dressing. He was dressed pretty quick but unable to eat because of the vitamins still in his mouth.  BUMP. This dragged on for almost 15 minutes. Finally got him eating in time to say…stop let’s brush teeth and you can bring your waffle to the bus stop. Now at this point, we are all happy just on SPEEDY moving.

Delicious moments at the bus stop with our little man asking for a hamster. Um, NO. Dog and cat are plenty thanks. The hubs later concurred loudly with laughter. Lots of hugs and kisses and silly dancing later, he got on the bus. I was off to get my morning walk/run on and talk to my hubs. Great walk and talk. Love being outdoors in the neighborhood as everything is waking up.

Back at home, gave the dog some outside time and went out the front door to meditate. DELISH!!! 45 minutes to an hour later I made my protein shake and went to do email before beginning to write. The beginnings of a great day!

And that is where it all began the UGH. One email account was sending but not receiving. The other account was not receiving and the address book disappeared. Okay. Tackled the latter. Tech support worked with me. Address book recovered. Yay! Then they worked on receiving issue. Done. Feeling good I moved onto the first account. That was not as easy. When the tech person isn’t confident and knows about as much as me, I have a challenge with trust. When asked to delete my account and do some other things that didn’t make sense, my fears slid in. What if it deletes all my inbox email I haven’t foldered? What if I delete the wrong thing and cannot recover?  She couldn’t explain what to delete and I was panicking. BIG BUMP. Called my amazing hubby, who said NO…do NOT DELETE. I will handle when I get home tonight and since web mail works, use that today. Breathing again and grateful he is techy. I know I complain when he has his nose in his phone or computer A LOT. Today at this moment, I am grateful for it!! CHOICE.

So I’m over the panicking. Not complaining. Choosing my weather, my mood. Feeling my heartbeat slow down. Getting back to my zen and writing away.  HAPPY!

We choose if we allow our fears or any perceived bumps in the road to steal our joy. When we acknowledge our fears and look for other possibilities and/or embrace them so we can move past them, their power diminishes over us. So now I’m sitting here smiling away, AGAIN. Grateful for all that occurred this morning and the awareness I gained from it and enjoying the choices I made.

Wishing us all a great day!! It is what we make of it.

Lovingly Lotus.