Who Am I?


Just a week or so ago I was spinning. The moment we’ve dreamed about for a long time arrived. Our son’s healing was at the point he could be in a general education setting in his home school. So, for the 4th time since school began in August, our schedules and routines were changing. I’m in the midst of launching a program in my healing business unlike anything I’ve done before. It’s new. It’s exciting. It’s a bit uncomfortable. And I was about to have my first colonoscopy.

None of these things is “BAD”. They are all really good things. They’re transitions, change, new, which adds stress in a different way. I’ve also been upping the ante on my own personal healing these last 5-6 months. And that is affecting my thinking, my body, my feelings…pretty much my life.

I noticed as all these things were coming together, I was down. My energy was lower than before…I was moving slower. And that was strange. I was really happy. Yet I am super aware of my body talk and feelings because of my own Energetics mastery practices I do each day and understanding the role of my vibes and chakras. And my feelings and my body were not in sync. I was also procrastinating fully stepping into a new personal development program. And for me that’s weird. I LOVE the teacher and get so much out of ANYTHING from this person. And when I am fully “in” and ready for a new program, while I may be a little nervous, I just do it.

So I listened to my body when it told me to rest. It was really counter productive to what my brain was saying. Yet I know from years of Energetics Mastery practice, I needed to listen. Not always an easy choice especially when you have a lot of “TODO’s”. I stayed off social media promoting my program and my biz. I meditated longer. I gave myself what I needed. And my energy began moving up. And then I sat in meditation and answers began to bubble to the surface in pieces.

I processed some and dashed off a quick email to my healer for support. I was still stuck on something that had been coming up on and off with my healing business for a couple years. And it had made it’s way into my coaching time with my biz coach and my email with my healer. And as I processed from my coaching time and read the email response from my healer, I began feeling like I was SPINNING. Chaos was taking over. I felt super uncomfortable.

So, it began with the transitions. Great transitions. And then it made its way into my healing business. I began noticing in my copy for my new program something was missing. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was though I knew it would come to me. And when you are launching something amazing and new and realize something is missing, that feeling is stressful.

So, after a mini wave of chaotic spinning stress took over, I was able to get some support time with my healer. And during our time together through questions and my intuitive responses I began figuring out what was missing. I called out what was causing my spinning. And my spinning began to leave. And when I say spinning, it feels like chaos and discomfort inside my body and in my mind.

Here’s what came out. I have NOT completely, consistently and unequivocally shared who I am in my business. I’ve mentioned it. I’ve said it. I’ve owned it and then glossed over it.

And when I say this, I’m not standing in this in ego saying “look at me”, I’m so great, blah,blah, blah. I’m saying this from my place of truth. What I know down to my core. What I’ve witnessed and what’s been confirmed back to me.

What’s getting in the way of me saying who I am?
• When I market, I’m being respectful and not wanting to BLOW people over or cause blow back to me
• Part of me is scared or hiding from standing in my pure self, yet as I do my own work and make peace with this, it causes me to spin

So here goes…

I am a powerful healer.

And I hold space for people to heal which dramatically changes their lives.

And I haven’t been saying this. I’ve whispered it. Yet, I haven’t fully claimed it. And I am claiming it.

I said it out loud to my biz coach who mirrored back that this is the FIRST time I’ve stood up and claimed this. I say it and show it to my clients, yet when it comes to promoting or marketing so I can help more folks, I get shy.

Have you ever felt something so strongly down to your soul and held back?

I am a powerful healer.

And what that means is:
Whether in person, on the phone or through face to face technology, I use my ability of clair senses, sensory intuition (which help me to know, see, hear, smell, feel, and sometimes taste) and meld this with Eastern healing philosophies like Reiki, Energy healing, crystal healing and sound healing to help people heal physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I’ve helped clients find relief from physical pain. And I’ve seen clients learn to understand their physical pain, so they not only feel better, but also understand the message their body conveys to them, so they decide if they want to make a change. And when they do, the physical pain doesn’t return. And most often their life begins transforming.

Like my client who had elbow pain. It had been diagnosed as tennis elbow. I felt in my body as a toothache before she came to see me. And when I saw her she described feeling like she had a tooth ache in her elbow. And what I intuitively heard as I used healing techniques to alleviate her pain, was how imbalanced her life was between work, self-time and personal time. So much emphasis on work was not allowing her to feel the “sweetness” of life. And her lack of sweetness showed up in her body as if she’d had the opposite. Her body told her she needed more FUN.
This wasn’t new information to her. If she had really sat and thought about it, sure she knew she was imbalanced. She wasn’t paying attention. So her body began speaking to get her attention.
And as I shared this with her and she became aware, I taught her the foundations of Energetic and through my support, practicing and the tools and tips I shared with her, she developed Energetics Mastery. So not only did she enjoy more fun in her life, the elbow pain did not return. And she began “hearing” her body in a new way. A way that brought her into a closer communication with what her true self wanted to experience.

Not all clients feel the pain physically. Some do their best NOT to feel, which would be emotional pain. They bury it in doing lots of stuff, taking naps, avoidance through spending time on social media or tv, numbing out in some way (food, drugs, alcohol, exercise) and the list goes on. Many of these clients have complaints about something in their life that isn’t working. And often it’s more than one thing.

Things like:
*I don’t sleep well – my mind is constantly racing
*I am not treated well or respected: at work or in my relationship or both
*I can’t lose weight – I hate my body or parts of my body
*I’m stressed with my kids and find myself losing my patience a lot
*My sex life is lacking
*I know what I “should” do that would help me but I don’t do it because _______________ (obstacle).

And with clients like this, again, I begin with energy healing. And I’m lead to the area(s) of the body where the imbalance stems. And I couple this with teaching them and supporting them with Energetic Foundations and using practices, tools and tips with them so they take it to Energetics Mastery.

It is not a one and done “I’ve got it” scenario. And Mastery doesn’t mean perfect. It means mastering the understanding, awareness, techniques and tools to a point they become part of you.

The Energetic Foundation principles I use daily in my life and that I share with clients, needs cultivation. It’s a seed. And like a seed it needs food and water support to grow deeper roots and blossom. Just like we need tools and tips, practice and support to change and blossom.

Life isn’t perfect. We’re always going to deal with stuff that causes stress, fear, tension, etc. I do in my life too. My mission is to help. When you add energy healing and Energetics Mastery to your life, you become more aware quicker. You empower yourself with choice. You learn to love and accept yourself to a depth you didn’t even know existed.

I used these very tools to take myself from NUMBING out, not loving myself much, not feeling worthy or trusting me, not feeling confident, and hating on my body TO levels of joy in my life I didn’t even know existed. And yes, it’s in layers and the depth comes with practice.

And when stuff comes up for me, like it did the other week, I use my “go to” tools and get support. And it built resilience in me. I know when things get hard, somehow, it’s going to get better. I don’t feel stuck permanently. And that gives me hope. But I am straying from the crux of this message.

I am a powerful healer.

I help clients heal:
Physical pain
Emotional pain
Relationship pain
Self-love pain
Body Love pain
Feeling Stuck pain
Love pain

And I am on a mission to help people feel better and get what they want by helping them see and get what they need. And if you feel stuck, unsure, frustrated, lonely, or something similar and you are willing to embrace it so you can heal it, my sacred gift to you is for us to talk. Let’s help you discern if we are meant to partner and help you heal so you can live your best life ever.
Thank you for bearing witness as I FULLY step in to who I am.
XO Marni

PS. Click Here  It will take you to the form in my Energetics Mastery page to set up time for us to talk.

Vulnerably Naked

So as many of you who read my blog regularly know, I was bulimic from the age of 8 until I went to treatment at 25.  You don’t go to treatment and POOF, your healed.  It’s a way to get a giant head start (if you are willing to face your discomfort) towards healing.

I’m going to get very vulnerable and share things I usually reserve for my  closest of close.  What I’m sharing  I used to feel shame about.  How could I help other people heal if I still struggled with this shit?   What I know, is that sharing my own struggles allows you to see the real me and I know helps my clients connect and trust me at a deeper level for their own healing.  So here goes:

Over the years, my body went from a very bulimic size 4 with my ribs sticking out (compare this with a 2 or 0 by today’s sizing) to very oversized past 20.  Why?

When my size began to change:

  1. My physical body was catching up to my energy, HUGELY powerful

  2. I lived with a man right after college,  I believed I would marry.  One night he came home drunk, we had a brief conversation and beat the shit out of me.  And somewhere inside me I decided to make my size larger to protect me. (unconscious decision)

  3. I was having conflict with my mom at one point in my life and her go to was appearance.  She was raised with appearance being SUPER important.  Most specifically size.  And in my anger at her, I was saying “F-U…here I am bigger and bigger…I dare you to love me anyway.”  I know this isn’t rational.  Feelings rarely are or they wouldn’t be feelings.

  4. I lived with a man I believed I would marry (different from the earlier man).  This man I never wanted to date and ended up with him for 5 years and lost parts of myself in the process.  While he wasn’t physically abusive, he was emotionally abusive, manipulative, and vindictive.

  5. Beginning when I was young, someone super close to me told me I was TOO BIG (energetically), TOO MUCH, TOO LOUD, TOO INTIMIDATING.  So to make myself less intimidating, even after I healed my mom stuff , the physical fear, and  the emotional fear,  I reduced my size to a point and then stagnated, hitting a plateau.

I didn’t know all my whys immediately.  Each one of these whys was a layer of healing.  The healing began with awareness and then facing each belief; looking them in the eye, admitting this was my truth and my pain. Then, FORGIVING not just anyone else involved but above all ME.  Forgiving ME.  You can’t completely love yourself when you are unwilling or unable to forgive.

It didn’t happen like a light switch flipping on.  It took time.  Time for me to sit in the awareness.  Time for me to admit to myself the TRUTH.  Time for me to embrace the discomfort. Time for me to let go and forgive.  Time for me to activate my new beliefs.

And over the last 25 years I’ve done so much healing.  The connection between understanding my energy and its relationship to chakras became instrumental in my healing. And yet, I’ve known for awhile there was one sliver left tied to my body size.   I knew it was emotional.   And I was so ready to not just gain awareness but look it in the eye, forgive it and me and change my belief.  I was done dragging this around  and ready to be FREE.

The last piece is #5.  So for years I kept getting messages intuitively and through other healers to LOVE my body.  Okay…well, that came in stages.  I loved me for a long time and then I got pregnant and realized I never in all my life since my bulimic days, did I truly love my stomach.  Pregnancy was the first time I demonstrated love for this part of my body.  Not that other parts of me didn’t get larger…but it was my stomach where I held most of my shit: my anger and my fear.

When you understand the relationship between your energy and chakras, this makes complete sense.  Most of this related to my 2nd and 3rd chakras.  Feelings and Self.   For years I didn’t face my feelings, sometimes hiding through sex, food, Pot, TV, anything that would numb or zone me out.  I also spent years rebuilding my confidence in me, my self-belief, self-worth, my value.

So overtime I fell in love with my body.  It wasn’t right away.  For  a long time I equated beauty with size as it related to me.  Not when looking at anyone else.  With anyone else, I would pick up on their energy.  And their energy would either attract me or turn me off.

It took that realization to understand and accept, it works with me too.  So when my hubby or friends told me I was beautiful or glowing, I could truly receive it.

I knew I was ready a couple of years ago.  One of my energy mentors, Sonia Choquette, came to Charlotte.  I always knew I would meet her.  Well, my interaction ended up way beyond meeting.  She brought me up on stage with her and I danced, BY MYSELF, as part of healing, on the stage in front of 200+ peeps. If I didn’t know my body confidence before that night and my love, I knew it for sure then.  I wasn’t nervous.  I just put myself out there and was me and FREE.  This was a defining moment in my life.

And I thought.  That’s it.  I’m finally done with this part.  And while my size would begin to shrink, it plateaued.  And I knew there was something more.  And here is what kept coming up…

If I truly love my body, how can I ask it to change?  I believed if I truly loved my body, just like loving another person, you accept it or them, warts and all.  So if I was asking my body to change, then I couldn’t truly love it.  Could I?

YES, I could.  This was it.  This was a large fragment of what’s been stopping me.  Reframe the belief:

I love myself inside and out.  And loving myself and my BIG energy, I no longer need the protection of a bigger size.  I no longer need to put my desires in a drawer and make myself less intimidating physically to make loved ones, clients, friends, anyone more comfortable.  I can be me in my full beautiful power while my ideal physical body is  smaller in stature.  And while some people may feel overwhelmed by my energy, some of that is their own shit to heal.  It is what it is.  AND without altering my energy and who I am, I can adjust my delivery in ways less likely to overwhelm.

This reframed belief feels natural.  Easy.  And for me I feel it (my energy and energetic confirmations)in my body.  I get a tingling in my arms from my shoulders to my elbows running down and then back up and leaving me with goose bumps.

So now I’m feeling a bit emotionally naked and exposed and YET, I feel free.  We all have issues.  And if sharing mine helps you know you’re not alone, I’ve done what I set out to do.  If sharing my story stirred you up and made you uncomfortable, I’ve done what I’ve set out to do.  If sharing my story touched you in a way that you want to talk about it, I’m here for you. Just invite me into a conversation.

I’m here to share my story and help others heal.  I’m here to hold space so you can do the work you need to do.  And while I hold the space, you do the work and  feel safe.

XO

Marni

 

Taking the STING out of Conflicts

So the other day I was sharing a story my son’s day  at camp with a friend.  And she was struck by the way he handled a conflict with a friend.

A day or two before Eli had been called a name by this friend.  He handled the conflicts as most 9 year olds would and even lots of us adults.  He was upset.  So he got a counselor involved.

The next day he and the friend kind of avoided each other.  And Eli was still upset thinking the friend didn’t like him anymore.

I’m so grateful he shares this with me and Marc so we can counsel him.  So I asked him a few questions:

 

  1. What is the story you are writing?   You know the one I mean? The one that hasn’t happened yet.  The one that is projecting from your Ego/FearVoice/Inner Critic?

*Writing a story or ASSUMING what will happen shifts your energy and the energy of the situation.  REMEMBER: Energy follows Energy

This type of thinking can bring about increased stress, anxiety, depression, anger and yet- NOTHING has happened YET.

Try not to be mad at the fear voice.  It is only trying to protect you and keep you safe.  Instead give it gratitude.  Thank it for having your back.  And then tell it.  I’m SAFE.  Please get quieter so I can hear my Heart/Intuitive voice.

This is the voice that won’t steer you wrong.  It leads from LOVE.

Now Eli, had already decided his friend was done with him.  They were not friends.  And he decided that if Eli approached the friend he would not be received.

So we role played with each other and with his stuffed animals.  We did some silly ones, some funny ones, some angry ones and some positive outcome ones.  And Eli began to see the story hadn’t been written… YET.

2.  The next question I asked him “What from your past hurts is feeding your worries. ”  Can you think of another time when you felt this same way? OR When the story you are writing came true?

Now Eli has been doing a tremendous healing around an incident that happened a couple of years ago when a man in charge of his Tae Kwon Do after school program physically threatened him.  So he was able to speak his feelings about this AND the bullying by the older kids in the program who tortured him while the adult provided no protection or solace.

He connected TRUST and his own CONFIDENCE were the wounds contributing to the story writing.

3.  Next I asked him: Where is your power when you write these stories?  Where is your trust and confidence?

He is so cute.  He said “Mommy, I give away my power when I don’t trust myself and God to help me and that makes me feel not confident. And Mommy, you taught me energy follows energy.  So I’m bringing my energy down when I could TRUST myself and God which will give me the power and confidence to do something different.”

I have to admit my eyes welled up with tears at this point.  It has been a short, yet long 2 year journey filled with some scary shit. So to hear him say all this was beautiful and such a testament to his amazingness and the POWER LOVE has in healing.

4.  We spoke about his options of what he could do the next day.  All of it being his choice.  Do nothing.  Ask a counselor to help him speak with the friend.  Speak with the friend on his own using a powerful technique called “I statements”.  And more.

BEFORE making this decision, I asked him to sit with this.  Think back to the time you’ve spent with this friend BEFORE the conflict.  Is this someone you really enjoyed?  Did you feed each other’s energy? Did you have fun? Was there a mutual respect until the conflict?  And if you could have the outcome you desire, what would it be?

Marc and I told him this was his to decide and there was NO right and NO wrong.  We’ve both tried many of these things with great outcomes and shitty outcomes.  He had to really feel this out.

So here is what he did: He found the friend and asked if they could speak (BIG ASS COURAGE for my guy).  The friend agreed.

Then Eli used the POWER of “I” statements.

 

 

When you do _____

I feel _____

Because ____ (vulnerable)_____

Self reflective share

And then he gave his friend an opportunity to do the same.  Though at 9, his friend didn’t know what to do.  So he asked Eli if they could move forward and be friends.  And Eli being the forgiving soul he is, said YES.  And off they went.

The “I” statement takes the  sting out of confrontation while you stay in your power during a conflict.  And provides an easy to maneuver conversation aiding in coming to resolution.  All involved are seen and heard through this SUPER POWER tool.

The keys in conflict is know you are getting stirred up by your wounds, your fears.  If possible finding space to calm, breathe and discern the answers to the questions I asked Eli will help you process.

And the “I” statement during confrontation, conflict, in the heat of the moment…helps empower you and the other person.  It keeps you from going below the belt and provides the beginning of a map to communicating through the conflict and synergizing a solution.  And that takes the STING out.

Look, none of us is perfect.  And we aren’t here in this life to be perfect.  It’s about learning, experiencing and loving while we are here.  You are going to make mistakes, you are going to make bad choices.  You can drown in them or choose to learn from them.

Free will baby, it’s all about choice.
XO

What is Happy and What is Love? How do you know?

What is love?   What is happiness? 

This is what was on my mind after I meditated this morning.  So today I’m going to free write my answers and share them with you.  Why? Because I believe these are the 2 most important topics of life.  And I’m on a mission to help bring more love into the world.  So here goes:

Happiness comes from love.  Happiness is something that you create in your mind and in your heart.  You tap into it even on the days you feel like your world is crashing down around you.  Happiness doesn’t mean you always have a smile plastered to your face.  It is a state of being.  Knowing in your mind and in your heart that even when the shit hits the fan and you are sad or angry about life happenings, somehow you still feel happiness inside you and in your life. 

That may sound weird to some people.
  Maybe to everyone.  Maybe it doesn’t even sound real.  But it is.  I know.  I have been that person with life crashing down and not knowing what to do and feeling overwhelmed and yet I still knew I am a happy person dealing with some uncomfortable or shitty situations.  It sounds weird rereading what I wrote..maybe even unreal. 

How do I better explain? Happiness doesn’t mean I never get mad or sad.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t cry or feel pain.  I do.  Yet somehow I also have hope and faith.  I struggle with my hope and faith at times and I have my pity parties and get my dark emotions out and yet I still turn around and know I am happy. 

Maybe it is because I know that the discomfort I am going through is temporary even when it feels like it is going on forever.  I don’t know when it works out or how but I trust somehow it works out for my greatest good.  That doesn’t mean I sit and watch my life go by.  I actively participate supporting my intentions and life affirmations bringing about life prosperity.  Yet Shit happens.  It does.  I cannot control anyone or everything.  Each of us has free will.

I live most days in gratitude, yet I have moments and days I fall off the wagon.  And still I consider myself happy.  

Five ways to know you are happy: Keep in mind this is about consistency and NOT PERFECTION.

  1. You smile from the inside out: not necessarily daily more like consistently and not like it is plastered to your face and fake.  A real joyful smile coming from inside you and emanating out of you.  So much so, you don’t even realize you are smiling at times and people naturally smile back at you.
  2. Even when you are going through difficult times, you have hope that your life will get better.  
  3. You can see and accept yourself warts and all most of the time and you give this same acceptance to your inner circle of loved ones.
  4. You consistently laugh.  Maybe not daily, but almost everyday you find something amusing.  Laughter is hugely important to happiness
  5.  You live life in the present and enjoy. Worrying creates more to worry about and doesn’t change anything.  Just take action where you can.

So if Happiness comes from love, what is love? Love for me is the feeling of acceptance and pure delight.  It is loving my imperfections and all of me which makes me, ME.  And doing the same for other people.  Does that mean I like everything about everyone? No, not even myself.  And yet, I accept those things I dislike about myself and about people I love because I love them.  I’m not talking about things that hurt people, drastic stuff.  I’m talking about the imperfections that make us human and at times drive us crazy, if we allow it.  Some of it is how we choose to experience it.  There was a time in my life I would say if only ____ would change ____, then we would be happier. That is NOT an example of acceptance or DEEP LOVE.  

That is the thinking that keeps us stuck and in the same motions over and over and over.  Living out repetitive patterns in many of our relationships.  YUCK. 

Love for myself: I am my best friend.  I enjoy time with me.  I am loud and big energy.  I love to laugh. I have a sharp tongue, very little filter, a “truck driver’s mouth”  and a sharp temper all with my  HUGE heart.  My loved ones know, I will drop anything to be there for you.  I trust easily until it is broken and then it is hard for me to trust again.  I’m getting better at forgiveness.  My son is great at it and I’m learning from him.  Boundaries with strangers are super easy; with loved ones they are harder, yet they are necessary to take care of me.  I am in a progressive state of love with my body after many years of war.  I love my hair and the way my green eyes change color.  I love not looking my age.  I’m NOT PERFECT.  I aim to do the best I can and be the best me I can be at any given moment and that changes from time to time.  I love me.  And saying that and meaning it down to my core, makes me happy.

 

I agree with the Dali Lama about life. Life for me is about the journey of love and happiness. 

XO

 Ask me about this…

Lost Luggage, Lost love

I recently traveled for vacation with my 8 year old son meeting my hubby in Minneapolis.  A short time before our flight boarded, the flight was canceled.  No crew.  We thankfully made it to the TOP of the list for the next flight to fly standby.  When we agreed to fly standby, the airline rep told us, our bag would be going on this flight whether we made it or not.  FAMOUS last words.  We made it.  Our bag did not.  And I was reminded of the only other time my luggage was “delayed” and the difference inside ME today.

Just over fifteen years ago, PM (pre-Marc), I took a trip to Aruba with one of my besties.  One of the things I LOVE about my bestie, she is laid back, go with the flow, creates fun and lives in the moment.  Well, at the time, I thought I was like this too.  And I was to a degree, yet inside me I was still a work in progress as we all are.  I remember sharing with my friend about all the recent big changes and belief shifts in my life.  You know, like, I meditated.  At the time I had an inconsistently consistent mindful practice and while I received benefit from my inconsistent practice, some of what spurred me to share was about being “on trend”.  I engaged in intuitive energy healing.  My intuition sharp and clear while in TRUTH, my trust of myself was spotty.  I was more patient, more calm.  True.  And I loved myself.  YES.   Yet, I still felt unsatisfied in areas of my life.  Okay, I did NOT admit to myself let alone anyone else about any incomplete feelings.   I believed it was my outer stuff: my hair, my clothes, my body, my job, my finances were still the root cause to my life dissatisfaction. I mean I did the work, I loved myself.  So it couldn’t be that.  But my love for me  wasn’t full body, mind, heart, soul and psyche, feeling amazing inside love consistently.  So the thought that my STUFF: hair dryer, makeup, the “perfect bathing suit” and comfy great looking on me clothes would be missing caused me great anguish which spread from my psyche to my experience quickly.  Body stuff had been “getting me” on some level since I was a kid and developed early.

As a recovering bulimic, I was so NOT COMFORTABLE with the idea of having to find something to wear with limited choices.  My fears of finding “clothes I looked cute in” outweighed fun.

I kept it inside and attempted to “go with the flow”.  It didn’t work at all.   My friend went out and I stayed in the room trying to get information from the airline on where my bag was and when I could expect it.  I had looked forward to this trip for weeks and I was spending it chaining myself in the room.  I figured once I knew when I’d have my stuff, I’d be able to have fun (interpret as allow myself to have fun).

That evening I left the room to go to dinner.  My bestie made a comment about how for all my sharing about my life shifts, my behavior didn’t match up.  Wow, did that hurt.  That is what I love about my friend.  She didn’t say it to hurt.  She said it quite compassionately.  It hurt because it was TRUE.  And I loved myself enough to recognize the outer turmoil I experienced because of my lack of deeper self love.

I did go out after that and uncomfortably purchased: a dress, shorts and t-shirts, underwear and a bathing suit.  I made do for our time there as my luggage never showed up.  And I had fun, yet I lost a day and half of enjoying Aruba due to not fully loving myself on a fuller body, mind, heart, soul and psyche level.  And believe me, I’d done ALOT of work on liking and loving myself.  Therapy, books, classes, etc.   I was feeling better than ever about myself.  My lack of self love at a deeper level propelled me to give in to fear.  Fear about how I looked, fear about how I would fit in on the trip, fear about the money I spent on necessities being reimbursed and more. This experience showed me I still had healing work to do and it was time to level up. Learning to love me was not a one and done experience.

Apparently my luggage was partying in Mexico and arrived a bit hung over at my house about 3 hours after I arrived home from Aruba.  Then the specialty vacation airline gave me a hard time about reimbursement at a time when my finances were more limited. Really? I was on an island.  I had limited choices and certainly didn’t spend thousands.  This was one of my fears come to life about purchasing necessities.  I was still dealing with this weeks later when I met the love of my life, Marc, my husband.  It did all work out. But I digress…

So back to the present story.  We arrived in Minneapolis just after 3pm, much later than the 10am we were expected.  Truly happy to be there.  Found my hubs in baggage claim.  He told us the luggage had not arrived.  I thought he was kidding.  That is so his sense of humor.  He wasn’t kidding.  And immediately my Aruba experience flashed back.  Not out of fear at all.   I actually laughed aloud when I thought of it.  That is no longer my story.  That is not who I am.  I love me so many levels deeper than my time in Aruba.  It was just STUFF.  Sure, it would be a pain to have to replace it if my luggage didn’t show, but chances are it would arrive at some point.  And then my WHY for being in Minneapolis spoke up.   I am here with my family to enjoy quality time together.  We will buy clothes if we need to and we will figure it out.  Regardless, we will have fun and enjoy this adventure even if it is in the same stinky clothing.  So, we filed our claim with the airline and went on our way.

Before bed wearing one of Marc’s t-shirts, we checked and still no status on where our luggage was.  OK.  The next morning  we got up did what my sister calls a “CWBath” (the genitals, the face and the pits) and left the hotel.  First stop coffee at Starbucks.  2nd stop Marshall’s for a few essentials to change our clothes.

Arrived back at the hotel, changed clothes and checked the luggage tracker.  Good news.  Luggage found, placed on 8am flight out of Charlotte arriving in Minneapolis by 10am.  Then it takes up to 12 hours for delivery.  I shrugged and we moved on with the adventure of the day not giving luggage another thought.  Fortunately it was warmish and my FIT FLOPS,  which I wore on the flight, were comfy for walking.  We walked all over downtown exploring.

We had a blast making memories and laughing all day and decided to grab takeout and head back to our room for a late supper.  Just as we sat down to eat (about 915pm), the phone rang and YES, our luggage had arrived.  We looked at each other and laughed saying “we’ll get that after we eat”.  No rush.  I didn’t even unpack til the next morning.

I was thrilled at my shift and the freedom I could so clearly see and feel.  The difference today is I know the outer shit doesn’t matter.  Not the clothes, not the finances, not anything.  And not because anyone else says it doesn’t matter, but because I truly believe it. Why doesn’t it matter? Because I am in love with myself .  My feeling of wholeness is so complete, I could simply be in the moment.  When dissatisfaction or diminished enjoyment impact any area of your life, the very first thing you must learn how to do is love yourself.  Not the BLAH BLAH love yourself.  The whole body, mind, heart, soul and psyche feeling amazing on the inside kind of love yourself. This is the key to greater happiness, greater success and greater satisfaction in life.  That is the journey of this great adventure we call life. Only one other person I know could appreciate this beautiful story, I called my bestie and gave her a great chuckle.  And the rest is history.

BIG LOVE and GRATITUDE,

Marni

I Am Always The Strong One

I am always the strong one.  At least that is the illusion I told myself.  I am the one who remains clear headed and calm while the chaos ensues around me.  I’m the one that handles the crisis during the crisis.  The cost is I don’t get to my feelings until much later after the chaos becomes calm. 

After the crisis and before I get to my feelings, I am cranky, bitchy, nitpicky.  And when I let loose, it is like my insides are falling out of me.  I cry tears that could fill the oceans.  I sob out loud and I just let go.  And man, am I tired when I’m finished.  It takes so much energy to hold up the world and keep it together when I just want to cry in that moment.  But if I did, then I wouldn’t be the strong one. Or would I?

This is how I grew up.  This was the role I created for myself.  My unique ability.  My “look at me and what I can do talent”.  The action I took for approval and love.  What I felt I had to do to be loved.  Yet, I was already loved.  Loved before conception, loved the second I was conceived, the moment I came into this body on this earth.  I am love. 

Somewhere along the way, I learned being dependable was strong and approved (approval = love) and showing lots of emotion was judged as weak.  So, funny, I live my life in a colorful world mixing colors constantly.  Yet for this huge decision, I looked at only 2 choices, black or white.  My fear erased color and with it possibilities. 

I did such a good job playing my “strong one” role that when I shared my feelings with loved ones and began taking off my mask, they responded with “you can handle it, you are strong”.  Often, that made me super angry to hear.  I wanted the perceived nurturing I saw going to the “weak”.  The rescuing.  I wanted to be rescued. 

And so I tried my hand at being a victim.  I didn’t get the reaction I wanted.  I received tough words and tough love. And that made me angry and kicked off more fears about me not being loved.  A self-fulfilling prophecy?

Life is about possibilities, endless possibilities.  Today I am still great in a crisis with my feelings hanging out or running down my face.  I allowed myself to see other possibilities.  I no longer have HUGE releases after a crisis that drain me of energy.  I gave myself permission to feel in the moment.  I am the strong one because I allow myself to feel and express my vulnerability without becoming a victim.

And I am grateful for this beautiful awareness.  I am grateful for the times I believed in the illusion.  And I am so grateful to know the difference.   This awareness I pass on to my son.  Feel your feelings, acknowledge them.  Crying is a release.  Admitting you are sad, frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, AFRAID, doesn’t make you weak…it is what you do next that becomes your story.  Do you become a victim of woe is me or do you keep moving, find gratitude and live your life, human, vulnerable and strong?

How do you begin reframing what you believe and your behaviors? I’ll share with you what I discovered. My magic powers I’ve used for years…

First you become aware.  Then you create an intention.  How do you want to embrace your life or a specific aspect of it.  Stick with something that stretches your comfort zone and yet you believe it is possible.  Sometimes it is your intention that helps grow your awareness.  And then develop an affirmation, an I am statement.  Something in your own words that you desire and can believe.  Both your intention and affirmation may be works in progress.  That is absolutely okay. 

And finally, gratitude.  When I live in gratitude, my fears are quieter.  It doesn’t mean they don’t exist, but fear doesn’t get so loud that it controls my life.  And when it does, I discover I have forgotten my gratitude.

I realize this may sound too easy or possibly lame depending on your perspective.  All I know is it works.  It works in my life.  And I have the incredible delight of witnessing it change the lives of my clients.

I sit in gratitude almost daily focusing on an intention and affirmation to guide me or grow me that day.  And sometimes I have the same intentions and affirmations for a few weeks as I allow myself to change.  My gratitude notebook goes everywhere with me in my purse.  When I feel something, I write it down.  And when I’m struggling, it helps me remember.  Some days it might be gratitude that I am breathing or the sun is shining. 

I realize this seems so simple. How could something this simple change your life? Try it consistently and watch yourself soar.  And if you dare enough to try it, write to me and tell me how your life is changing.  I want to dance in celebration for you and with you.   

 

I struggle

What am I going to write about? The time I struggled and showed my ass by behaving like I’d lost my mind? There are moments I feel like I’m part of the circus or better yet starring in a sit-com.  My life is far from always being full of laughter though we laugh a lot in our family.

I get tired of taking everything so seriously.  So I put on a pair of “TV glasses” and see what each situation I’m worried about, frustrated with, pissed about, and enjoying would like through the camera of a sit-com.

I discovered this solution when Eli was an infant.  I was alone and changing his diaper.  He stuck one foot in poop, then another, then his hand.  Somehow it got on my hands too.  I was by myself at home.  And as a new mom, I began to panic.  How do I figure this out? How do I get my son and myself clean without getting poop everywhere.  Every idea I thought of resulted in me seeing my son ending up falling to the floor.  All the tools I needed were in other rooms,  The thought of carrying poop from room to room with a dog and three cats standing by to enter the fray filled me with more anxiety.   My body tensed and tightened.  And then Eli began to cry.  Big surprise, right?  And then as he wriggled in more poop, for a split second I imagined my reaction if I was watching this on TV.  What was the big deal? And I began to laugh.  And as I laughed and my body loosened, Eli calmed and smiled.  I have no idea how, but somehow I cleaned us both pretty quickly and easily.  And from then on, I pulled out my “TV Glasses” during life situations.  Any caregivers out there ever experience similar situations?

Which brings me to a few days ago when again I was struggling, frustrated and a little scared.  Instead of picturing the sitcom, I cried.  I disagreed with my producer for my upcoming radio show and participated in unnecessary arguing drama.  I was not fit for human consumption and I felt it in my body. I reflected on all my “life plates” I keep spinning, my to dos.  Are these life or death “plates”? Nope.  What will happen if I don’t get EVERYTHING done? Nothing.  What am I afraid of?

Truth? Falling on my face which is FAILING. Yet even as I say that most of me is not afraid.  I know in the deepest part of me, even if I fall on my face there is a reason.  I know the experience will provide me with an opportunity.  Now truth be told.  It isn’t comfortable to fail.  So I don’t know of anyone who runs out and says Yes, I’ll choose Failure.  What I know is if I don’t choose change,  which comes with risks, and pushing out of what is comfortable, I stay stuck.

Complacency becomes another word for stuck.  Don’t make waves. Status quo.   Don’t ask a tough question because of what might happen.  Did you know stuck means you don’t get to experience the fantabulous either?

Self-esteem plays a huge role in your willingness to embrace change.  Change can have ALOT of unknown and unfamiliar feelings and factors.  So of course complacency will feel better in some aspects because you know it.  And you know your outcomes even if they are painful.

So here I go taking another leap:  1) I premiered my radio show heard globally   2) I stopped part of my business marketing which I believed until recently was the largest draw for meeting new clients.   I do not know what I’m doing next to grow my community.   I trust it will be revealed soon (there was a bit of GULP the first time I said that)  3) I am continuing to lovingly detach as a parent (more on this in future articles). Providing my son opportunities to grow and fail (as safely as I can)  4) I am visibly emerging with  live videos on social media, radio, joint ventures with other healers 5) I am learning how to do my radio show from my computer and all the mechanics and marketing (there are at least 10 things here I don’t know)  6) I am allowing in my relationship with Marc instead of listening to the voice telling me to “drive the train”.  With more leaping each week and sometimes daily.

And while some days it feels harder and some days I fail.  I am still happy everyday.  And more and more consistently, I feel an ease and a joy.  I feel a freedom like I did as a kid riding my bike super fast with the wind blowing my hair kicking my feet out as I went down a huge hill and yelling WHEEEEEEE!!!

With Love and Gratitude,

Marni

 

How do you Dance in the Rain?

Doubt means “a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.”  Even today I have moments of doubt.  I sometimes struggle with things I cannot control namely other peoples free will.  This is more than evident as I parent our wonderful little boy as he is healing from PTSD.  And sometimes after a struggle with something uncontrollable,  do you notice your fears enticing your feelings of self doubt.   As in my past, I witness my clients experiencing the same struggle of doubts and stuck feelings sometimes daily.  Those days I experience what I call M3 (Marni Meltdown Moment/s)where my fear has gotten hold of me and negative talk creeps in.  It happens to all of us at one point or another.  So what do you do to help yourself through it?  How do you DANCE in the Rain?

I wish I had a magic wand to wave and say…POOF, all is peaceful and healed.  While I don’t have a wand, I have 6 Simple, yet extraordinary solutions that changed my life (I still use them today) and change my clients lives:

These first 3 I named, The Daily 3.  Gratitude, Intention, Affirmation: listing 3 under each.

  1. Daily Gratitude:  I know everyone these days is talking about gratitude and gratitude is “trending”. Did you ever think it is gaining steam around the globe because it is working?  Daily say out loud/write down in a gratitude notebook what you are grateful for.  Struggle to come up with new ones each day.  What happens? Your vibes begin rising and when you are experiencing a delightful day, you’ll get higher.  Yet when you experience an M3 day, gratitude begins raising your vibes moving away from stuck or negativity.   I’ll get you started with a few: I am grateful for the air I breathe, my family, my friends, my body, my sanctuary aka home, my clients, the sun and its beautiful shine today…and more (keep going)
  2. Daily Intention: Intentions are a guide, a map of where you want to go or how you want to be.  Without a map or an intention, you may still get there or somewhere near OR you may end up in a completely different place. How many times have you said or heard: “I’m sorry that wasn’t my intention.” What did you intend? Intention is mindful.  It brings to your mind, body and spirit the way you want to engage and interact with the world, your relationships, and yourself.  Here is one to get you started: I intend to speak with kindness and honesty from my heart both to myself and people I encounter (this includes in person, on the phone and email).   While this is typically how I roll anyway, my conscious intention keeps it fresh even when I begin feeling fear or negativity enter.  I intend to stay focused today is another one I like.  I sometimes get distracted by the shiny things, emails, etc. So focus for me and naming it helps me stay accountable to myself.
  3. Daily Affirmation: I love these so much I do them when I wake up and before bed.  Affirmations are what or who I am even if some of it is still in the want stage and I’m not fully there believing it yet.  You have to be able to believe your affirmation is possible.  That is super important.  And they are always done from a positive voice.  Here are a few for you: I am perfect health, I am grounded & balanced, I am happy, I am lighter.
  4. Daily Meditation: Meditation doesn’t have to be what you think.  Meditation can rewire your brain.  Science is proving it.  You don’t have to sit if that isn’t your thing.  There are so many ways to make this work in your lifestyle.  I have worked with clients who meditate washing dishes, running, mowing the lawn and more.  This is about time for you.  Your mind will not shut off, but you will give your ego mind permission to quiet with gratitude so your heart and intuition can be heard more easily.  Those moments give you clarity, raise your vibe, can help you sleep, can help lower pressure and more.  Give yourself at least 3 minutes.  And when you have more time expand it longer.  For me, meditation smooth’s me out and raises my vibes.  The clarity I gain helps me see even more possibilities for situations.
  5. Daily Love of myself:  Daily love is naming 3 things you love about yourself.  I love my laugh, my eyes and my big heart.  This was harder for me in the beginning.  My eyes was the first thing I could name and it felt awkward at the beginning like I was conceited.  Yet, I easily complimented my friends and family, even strangers about themselves.  So struggle through this and don’t give up.  If you were meeting you, what would you love?
  6. Daily Body moving & self care: Get up off the sofa.  You don’t have to run a marathon or do a heavy work out.  Go for a walk around the block.  Walk at a swift pace through your house, the mall, a parking lot, etc.  Do yoga at home or in community.  Ask a friend to walk dogs with you, etc.  Park a little further away from the store and walk extra.  And then get dressed, shower and nourish your body.  Each of these things will raise your vibes.  Even if you start out stomping, the oxygen to your blood will help those happy endorphins begin to create in your body.

Whether your feeling stuck daily and doubting yourself daily or you just have moments.  These 6 extraordinary solutions will change your life if you are daring enough to commit and eager to feel better.

If you are one of those daring, eager and committed souls and you are ready move toward grabbing happiness by the arm everyday and leaving stuck, doubt and pain behind and maybe your ready to start a meditation practice or take yours up a notch, then we should talk.  Sign up for a complimentary call with me.  I want to know what you are ready to leave behind and what you are ready to walk through the door towards and how what I do can support and help you.

YES, I want to Heal My Sh#t, please call me (complete this form)

Self-Esteem: Reclaiming Yours

Feeling stuck or in pain sucks. Gaining awareness is the first step in healing your self-esteem and living life in happiness. Join me tomorrow morning, November 15th at 9am Eastern, for a real and vulnerable conversation with my friend, Nami Nesterowicz. You will be so glad you did. And while you are listening call us. We want to hear from you. 1-866-472-5792. #selfesteem #love

 

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Heal Your Sh#t with Marni

Tuesday at 6 AM Pacific

November 15, 2016: Self-Esteem Healing: Reclaiming Yours

Join me and my friend and Master Healer, Nami in our heart tugging and at times playful conversation about healing self-esteem. I’ll share the 7 Habits indicating your self-esteem needs healing; Become part of our conversation as Nami and I share our own stories and tools we used to shift and reclaim our own self-esteem. Tune in and call us we want to hear from you and hear your questions.



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