Tag Archives: gratitude

I Am Always The Strong One

I am always the strong one.  At least that is the illusion I told myself.  I am the one who remains clear headed and calm while the chaos ensues around me.  I’m the one that handles the crisis during the crisis.  The cost is I don’t get to my feelings until much later after the chaos becomes calm. 

After the crisis and before I get to my feelings, I am cranky, bitchy, nitpicky.  And when I let loose, it is like my insides are falling out of me.  I cry tears that could fill the oceans.  I sob out loud and I just let go.  And man, am I tired when I’m finished.  It takes so much energy to hold up the world and keep it together when I just want to cry in that moment.  But if I did, then I wouldn’t be the strong one. Or would I?

This is how I grew up.  This was the role I created for myself.  My unique ability.  My “look at me and what I can do talent”.  The action I took for approval and love.  What I felt I had to do to be loved.  Yet, I was already loved.  Loved before conception, loved the second I was conceived, the moment I came into this body on this earth.  I am love. 

Somewhere along the way, I learned being dependable was strong and approved (approval = love) and showing lots of emotion was judged as weak.  So, funny, I live my life in a colorful world mixing colors constantly.  Yet for this huge decision, I looked at only 2 choices, black or white.  My fear erased color and with it possibilities. 

I did such a good job playing my “strong one” role that when I shared my feelings with loved ones and began taking off my mask, they responded with “you can handle it, you are strong”.  Often, that made me super angry to hear.  I wanted the perceived nurturing I saw going to the “weak”.  The rescuing.  I wanted to be rescued. 

And so I tried my hand at being a victim.  I didn’t get the reaction I wanted.  I received tough words and tough love. And that made me angry and kicked off more fears about me not being loved.  A self-fulfilling prophecy?

Life is about possibilities, endless possibilities.  Today I am still great in a crisis with my feelings hanging out or running down my face.  I allowed myself to see other possibilities.  I no longer have HUGE releases after a crisis that drain me of energy.  I gave myself permission to feel in the moment.  I am the strong one because I allow myself to feel and express my vulnerability without becoming a victim.

And I am grateful for this beautiful awareness.  I am grateful for the times I believed in the illusion.  And I am so grateful to know the difference.   This awareness I pass on to my son.  Feel your feelings, acknowledge them.  Crying is a release.  Admitting you are sad, frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, AFRAID, doesn’t make you weak…it is what you do next that becomes your story.  Do you become a victim of woe is me or do you keep moving, find gratitude and live your life, human, vulnerable and strong?

How do you begin reframing what you believe and your behaviors? I’ll share with you what I discovered. My magic powers I’ve used for years…

First you become aware.  Then you create an intention.  How do you want to embrace your life or a specific aspect of it.  Stick with something that stretches your comfort zone and yet you believe it is possible.  Sometimes it is your intention that helps grow your awareness.  And then develop an affirmation, an I am statement.  Something in your own words that you desire and can believe.  Both your intention and affirmation may be works in progress.  That is absolutely okay. 

And finally, gratitude.  When I live in gratitude, my fears are quieter.  It doesn’t mean they don’t exist, but fear doesn’t get so loud that it controls my life.  And when it does, I discover I have forgotten my gratitude.

I realize this may sound too easy or possibly lame depending on your perspective.  All I know is it works.  It works in my life.  And I have the incredible delight of witnessing it change the lives of my clients.

I sit in gratitude almost daily focusing on an intention and affirmation to guide me or grow me that day.  And sometimes I have the same intentions and affirmations for a few weeks as I allow myself to change.  My gratitude notebook goes everywhere with me in my purse.  When I feel something, I write it down.  And when I’m struggling, it helps me remember.  Some days it might be gratitude that I am breathing or the sun is shining. 

I realize this seems so simple. How could something this simple change your life? Try it consistently and watch yourself soar.  And if you dare enough to try it, write to me and tell me how your life is changing.  I want to dance in celebration for you and with you.   

 

How do you Dance in the Rain?

Doubt means “a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.”  Even today I have moments of doubt.  I sometimes struggle with things I cannot control namely other peoples free will.  This is more than evident as I parent our wonderful little boy as he is healing from PTSD.  And sometimes after a struggle with something uncontrollable,  do you notice your fears enticing your feelings of self doubt.   As in my past, I witness my clients experiencing the same struggle of doubts and stuck feelings sometimes daily.  Those days I experience what I call M3 (Marni Meltdown Moment/s)where my fear has gotten hold of me and negative talk creeps in.  It happens to all of us at one point or another.  So what do you do to help yourself through it?  How do you DANCE in the Rain?

I wish I had a magic wand to wave and say…POOF, all is peaceful and healed.  While I don’t have a wand, I have 6 Simple, yet extraordinary solutions that changed my life (I still use them today) and change my clients lives:

These first 3 I named, The Daily 3.  Gratitude, Intention, Affirmation: listing 3 under each.

  1. Daily Gratitude:  I know everyone these days is talking about gratitude and gratitude is “trending”. Did you ever think it is gaining steam around the globe because it is working?  Daily say out loud/write down in a gratitude notebook what you are grateful for.  Struggle to come up with new ones each day.  What happens? Your vibes begin rising and when you are experiencing a delightful day, you’ll get higher.  Yet when you experience an M3 day, gratitude begins raising your vibes moving away from stuck or negativity.   I’ll get you started with a few: I am grateful for the air I breathe, my family, my friends, my body, my sanctuary aka home, my clients, the sun and its beautiful shine today…and more (keep going)
  2. Daily Intention: Intentions are a guide, a map of where you want to go or how you want to be.  Without a map or an intention, you may still get there or somewhere near OR you may end up in a completely different place. How many times have you said or heard: “I’m sorry that wasn’t my intention.” What did you intend? Intention is mindful.  It brings to your mind, body and spirit the way you want to engage and interact with the world, your relationships, and yourself.  Here is one to get you started: I intend to speak with kindness and honesty from my heart both to myself and people I encounter (this includes in person, on the phone and email).   While this is typically how I roll anyway, my conscious intention keeps it fresh even when I begin feeling fear or negativity enter.  I intend to stay focused today is another one I like.  I sometimes get distracted by the shiny things, emails, etc. So focus for me and naming it helps me stay accountable to myself.
  3. Daily Affirmation: I love these so much I do them when I wake up and before bed.  Affirmations are what or who I am even if some of it is still in the want stage and I’m not fully there believing it yet.  You have to be able to believe your affirmation is possible.  That is super important.  And they are always done from a positive voice.  Here are a few for you: I am perfect health, I am grounded & balanced, I am happy, I am lighter.
  4. Daily Meditation: Meditation doesn’t have to be what you think.  Meditation can rewire your brain.  Science is proving it.  You don’t have to sit if that isn’t your thing.  There are so many ways to make this work in your lifestyle.  I have worked with clients who meditate washing dishes, running, mowing the lawn and more.  This is about time for you.  Your mind will not shut off, but you will give your ego mind permission to quiet with gratitude so your heart and intuition can be heard more easily.  Those moments give you clarity, raise your vibe, can help you sleep, can help lower pressure and more.  Give yourself at least 3 minutes.  And when you have more time expand it longer.  For me, meditation smooth’s me out and raises my vibes.  The clarity I gain helps me see even more possibilities for situations.
  5. Daily Love of myself:  Daily love is naming 3 things you love about yourself.  I love my laugh, my eyes and my big heart.  This was harder for me in the beginning.  My eyes was the first thing I could name and it felt awkward at the beginning like I was conceited.  Yet, I easily complimented my friends and family, even strangers about themselves.  So struggle through this and don’t give up.  If you were meeting you, what would you love?
  6. Daily Body moving & self care: Get up off the sofa.  You don’t have to run a marathon or do a heavy work out.  Go for a walk around the block.  Walk at a swift pace through your house, the mall, a parking lot, etc.  Do yoga at home or in community.  Ask a friend to walk dogs with you, etc.  Park a little further away from the store and walk extra.  And then get dressed, shower and nourish your body.  Each of these things will raise your vibes.  Even if you start out stomping, the oxygen to your blood will help those happy endorphins begin to create in your body.

Whether your feeling stuck daily and doubting yourself daily or you just have moments.  These 6 extraordinary solutions will change your life if you are daring enough to commit and eager to feel better.

If you are one of those daring, eager and committed souls and you are ready move toward grabbing happiness by the arm everyday and leaving stuck, doubt and pain behind and maybe your ready to start a meditation practice or take yours up a notch, then we should talk.  Sign up for a complimentary call with me.  I want to know what you are ready to leave behind and what you are ready to walk through the door towards and how what I do can support and help you.

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