Tag Archives: vibration

What is Happy and What is Love? How do you know?

What is love?   What is happiness? 

This is what was on my mind after I meditated this morning.  So today I’m going to free write my answers and share them with you.  Why? Because I believe these are the 2 most important topics of life.  And I’m on a mission to help bring more love into the world.  So here goes:

Happiness comes from love.  Happiness is something that you create in your mind and in your heart.  You tap into it even on the days you feel like your world is crashing down around you.  Happiness doesn’t mean you always have a smile plastered to your face.  It is a state of being.  Knowing in your mind and in your heart that even when the shit hits the fan and you are sad or angry about life happenings, somehow you still feel happiness inside you and in your life. 

That may sound weird to some people.
  Maybe to everyone.  Maybe it doesn’t even sound real.  But it is.  I know.  I have been that person with life crashing down and not knowing what to do and feeling overwhelmed and yet I still knew I am a happy person dealing with some uncomfortable or shitty situations.  It sounds weird rereading what I wrote..maybe even unreal. 

How do I better explain? Happiness doesn’t mean I never get mad or sad.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t cry or feel pain.  I do.  Yet somehow I also have hope and faith.  I struggle with my hope and faith at times and I have my pity parties and get my dark emotions out and yet I still turn around and know I am happy. 

Maybe it is because I know that the discomfort I am going through is temporary even when it feels like it is going on forever.  I don’t know when it works out or how but I trust somehow it works out for my greatest good.  That doesn’t mean I sit and watch my life go by.  I actively participate supporting my intentions and life affirmations bringing about life prosperity.  Yet Shit happens.  It does.  I cannot control anyone or everything.  Each of us has free will.

I live most days in gratitude, yet I have moments and days I fall off the wagon.  And still I consider myself happy.  

Five ways to know you are happy: Keep in mind this is about consistency and NOT PERFECTION.

  1. You smile from the inside out: not necessarily daily more like consistently and not like it is plastered to your face and fake.  A real joyful smile coming from inside you and emanating out of you.  So much so, you don’t even realize you are smiling at times and people naturally smile back at you.
  2. Even when you are going through difficult times, you have hope that your life will get better.  
  3. You can see and accept yourself warts and all most of the time and you give this same acceptance to your inner circle of loved ones.
  4. You consistently laugh.  Maybe not daily, but almost everyday you find something amusing.  Laughter is hugely important to happiness
  5.  You live life in the present and enjoy. Worrying creates more to worry about and doesn’t change anything.  Just take action where you can.

So if Happiness comes from love, what is love? Love for me is the feeling of acceptance and pure delight.  It is loving my imperfections and all of me which makes me, ME.  And doing the same for other people.  Does that mean I like everything about everyone? No, not even myself.  And yet, I accept those things I dislike about myself and about people I love because I love them.  I’m not talking about things that hurt people, drastic stuff.  I’m talking about the imperfections that make us human and at times drive us crazy, if we allow it.  Some of it is how we choose to experience it.  There was a time in my life I would say if only ____ would change ____, then we would be happier. That is NOT an example of acceptance or DEEP LOVE.  

That is the thinking that keeps us stuck and in the same motions over and over and over.  Living out repetitive patterns in many of our relationships.  YUCK. 

Love for myself: I am my best friend.  I enjoy time with me.  I am loud and big energy.  I love to laugh. I have a sharp tongue, very little filter, a “truck driver’s mouth”  and a sharp temper all with my  HUGE heart.  My loved ones know, I will drop anything to be there for you.  I trust easily until it is broken and then it is hard for me to trust again.  I’m getting better at forgiveness.  My son is great at it and I’m learning from him.  Boundaries with strangers are super easy; with loved ones they are harder, yet they are necessary to take care of me.  I am in a progressive state of love with my body after many years of war.  I love my hair and the way my green eyes change color.  I love not looking my age.  I’m NOT PERFECT.  I aim to do the best I can and be the best me I can be at any given moment and that changes from time to time.  I love me.  And saying that and meaning it down to my core, makes me happy.

 

I agree with the Dali Lama about life. Life for me is about the journey of love and happiness. 

XO

 Ask me about this…

The Power of Words

Words are soooo powerful.

When I was a kid my Grandma and my Dad used to call me the “da greser”  and my sister “da kleyner”.  Pronounced: (dah graseh = long A and lightly rolled “r”) and (dah klayneh = long A). Loosely translated Greser is Yiddish for bigger, older, greater  while Kleyner was little, younger, smaller.

Well at the time, I learned the meanings of these words, I was not in love with me.  So what I heard was the BIGGER sister and the SMALLER sister.  Oy vey! Those words had HUGE power over me and I heard and took all this to mean I was FAT, HUGE, BIG, LARGE.

Here is a picture of me at that time, standing behind a friend’s younger brother.

Surprising?

Words HAVE POWER.  Did my family mean for me to believe I was BIG and FAT? No.  But what you say to yourself has HUGE power and how you CHOOSE, yes, CHOOSE, to take in the words from people (especially ones you care about) have huge power over you too.

I defined myself  at this point in my life as the BIG one, the FAT one even when I wasn’t FAT.

My parents and grandparents loved me, adored me.  They had ZERO intention of hurting me or saying anything that would derail me or have such a negative impact in my life.  But there was a lot going on in my young 8-9 year old life and the free spirit I had been just a year before disappeared quickly.

Here is a pic during a recent adventure  with the love of my life .  I’m definitely larger.  The difference between how I saw myself then and now?  I am in love with me.  I’m happy.  I’m beautiful.  I love my body. I take care of myself meditating, exercising and mostly eating nutritiously and I’m healthy. I live in gratitude (most days). I would definitely love to release some weight yet I live my life enjoying the journey and not waiting for that day of what used to be my belief of “perfection”.

How do you get there? You learn how to use the power of words to help YOU fall in love with yourself.  It doesn’t mean you’ll never have a bad day or get triggered.  What it means is you are so in love with yourself you can keep going even after you stumble or fall.  You show yourself compassion.  You become aware of the words you think about yourself and how you speak TO yourself and about yourself.

I’m real about what I ‘m super great at and what is just not my strong suit.  Yet, I don’t say I SUCK at _____.   I do my best and ask for help when I need it.  We all have our unique abilities and areas of day to day living where ya just need support.  It’s really okay.

Read these out loud with enthusiasm and make note of  how you feel saying each one:

I love you!

I hate you!

Your tush is too big!

You are soo skinny.

You are gorgeous!

You are loud.

That wasn’t nice.

You are so sweet.

I suck at this.

You are powerful.

You are the big sister.

You are the older sister.

What did you notice?  Did you feel better with the compliments? OR did you struggle to believe them?   Did you dislike the put downs or feel agreement with them?

Now try this one.  Loud and Proud.  Say:  I am in love with me!

Can you say it out loud? Can you smile when saying it? Do you believe it? In your head? In your heart?

I hear friends, family and client’s talk about themselves sometimes and just feel for them cringing as I hear the way they put themselves down unconsciously or deflect sincere compliments.  Those are sure signs you may not be in love with you.  And I often ask if they would speak to someone else that way. Almost everyone says NO WAY!  “So what makes it okay to speak to yourself like that?”

Do any of these sound familiar:

  • Filled with self doubt (often or compartmentalized consistently)
  • Looking for love outside of you to fill you up and make you feel whole (emotionally and sexually)
  • Difficulty having and holding boundaries
  • Difficulty receiving compliments
  • Addicted to Drama or drama follows you constantly
  • Indecisive
  • Speak down to yourself or about yourself
  • complain often

If you said yes to any of these (I used to say yes to them all so don’t be shy here), most likely you are not in love with yourself.

Lack of love for yourself has the POWER to change your life.  Let’s rephrase that: Falling in Love with yourself has the SUPER POWER to change your life; shift how you feel inside and out; change how you experience day to day living situations and relationships.

The power of words is one SUPER TOOL I use in collaboration with powerful energetic healing to help clients begin falling love with themselves.

You were born as part of love and so you are LOVE.  As you grow, you hear words and learn about conditions and you create beliefs about yourself that are not true.  You can reframe these self laws and change them.  You have the POWER!!

Begin one word at a time.  Set an intention to become aware of how you speak to yourself (and how you think about yourself).  Get real.  Be honest.  Awareness is a HUGE key in the work I do.  You cannot change what you are NOT aware of.

Once you are aware of it, change can begin.  Pick ONE belief at a time.  Change it.  Reframe it so it is stretching your system making you a little uncomfortable and yet you see the possibility of it being true.   And work with that one until you believe in your heart and soul your new belief .  And then keep going taking it deeper.

It is SO possible.  I am living proof as are my clients.

I know you will see and feel changes in your life and your experiences.  You will create a feeling of lightness filled with joy.

And should you want support, I am here for you.  I am on a mission to help as many people as I can fall in love with themselves.  So I invite you to connect with me and ask.  It is a attribute of strength to know when you need support and ask for it.

I LOVE YOU!!

I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!

With Love and Gratitude,

Marni

 

 

 

 

I Am Always The Strong One

I am always the strong one.  At least that is the illusion I told myself.  I am the one who remains clear headed and calm while the chaos ensues around me.  I’m the one that handles the crisis during the crisis.  The cost is I don’t get to my feelings until much later after the chaos becomes calm. 

After the crisis and before I get to my feelings, I am cranky, bitchy, nitpicky.  And when I let loose, it is like my insides are falling out of me.  I cry tears that could fill the oceans.  I sob out loud and I just let go.  And man, am I tired when I’m finished.  It takes so much energy to hold up the world and keep it together when I just want to cry in that moment.  But if I did, then I wouldn’t be the strong one. Or would I?

This is how I grew up.  This was the role I created for myself.  My unique ability.  My “look at me and what I can do talent”.  The action I took for approval and love.  What I felt I had to do to be loved.  Yet, I was already loved.  Loved before conception, loved the second I was conceived, the moment I came into this body on this earth.  I am love. 

Somewhere along the way, I learned being dependable was strong and approved (approval = love) and showing lots of emotion was judged as weak.  So, funny, I live my life in a colorful world mixing colors constantly.  Yet for this huge decision, I looked at only 2 choices, black or white.  My fear erased color and with it possibilities. 

I did such a good job playing my “strong one” role that when I shared my feelings with loved ones and began taking off my mask, they responded with “you can handle it, you are strong”.  Often, that made me super angry to hear.  I wanted the perceived nurturing I saw going to the “weak”.  The rescuing.  I wanted to be rescued. 

And so I tried my hand at being a victim.  I didn’t get the reaction I wanted.  I received tough words and tough love. And that made me angry and kicked off more fears about me not being loved.  A self-fulfilling prophecy?

Life is about possibilities, endless possibilities.  Today I am still great in a crisis with my feelings hanging out or running down my face.  I allowed myself to see other possibilities.  I no longer have HUGE releases after a crisis that drain me of energy.  I gave myself permission to feel in the moment.  I am the strong one because I allow myself to feel and express my vulnerability without becoming a victim.

And I am grateful for this beautiful awareness.  I am grateful for the times I believed in the illusion.  And I am so grateful to know the difference.   This awareness I pass on to my son.  Feel your feelings, acknowledge them.  Crying is a release.  Admitting you are sad, frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, AFRAID, doesn’t make you weak…it is what you do next that becomes your story.  Do you become a victim of woe is me or do you keep moving, find gratitude and live your life, human, vulnerable and strong?

How do you begin reframing what you believe and your behaviors? I’ll share with you what I discovered. My magic powers I’ve used for years…

First you become aware.  Then you create an intention.  How do you want to embrace your life or a specific aspect of it.  Stick with something that stretches your comfort zone and yet you believe it is possible.  Sometimes it is your intention that helps grow your awareness.  And then develop an affirmation, an I am statement.  Something in your own words that you desire and can believe.  Both your intention and affirmation may be works in progress.  That is absolutely okay. 

And finally, gratitude.  When I live in gratitude, my fears are quieter.  It doesn’t mean they don’t exist, but fear doesn’t get so loud that it controls my life.  And when it does, I discover I have forgotten my gratitude.

I realize this may sound too easy or possibly lame depending on your perspective.  All I know is it works.  It works in my life.  And I have the incredible delight of witnessing it change the lives of my clients.

I sit in gratitude almost daily focusing on an intention and affirmation to guide me or grow me that day.  And sometimes I have the same intentions and affirmations for a few weeks as I allow myself to change.  My gratitude notebook goes everywhere with me in my purse.  When I feel something, I write it down.  And when I’m struggling, it helps me remember.  Some days it might be gratitude that I am breathing or the sun is shining. 

I realize this seems so simple. How could something this simple change your life? Try it consistently and watch yourself soar.  And if you dare enough to try it, write to me and tell me how your life is changing.  I want to dance in celebration for you and with you.   

 

I struggle

What am I going to write about? The time I struggled and showed my ass by behaving like I’d lost my mind? There are moments I feel like I’m part of the circus or better yet starring in a sit-com.  My life is far from always being full of laughter though we laugh a lot in our family.

I get tired of taking everything so seriously.  So I put on a pair of “TV glasses” and see what each situation I’m worried about, frustrated with, pissed about, and enjoying would like through the camera of a sit-com.

I discovered this solution when Eli was an infant.  I was alone and changing his diaper.  He stuck one foot in poop, then another, then his hand.  Somehow it got on my hands too.  I was by myself at home.  And as a new mom, I began to panic.  How do I figure this out? How do I get my son and myself clean without getting poop everywhere.  Every idea I thought of resulted in me seeing my son ending up falling to the floor.  All the tools I needed were in other rooms,  The thought of carrying poop from room to room with a dog and three cats standing by to enter the fray filled me with more anxiety.   My body tensed and tightened.  And then Eli began to cry.  Big surprise, right?  And then as he wriggled in more poop, for a split second I imagined my reaction if I was watching this on TV.  What was the big deal? And I began to laugh.  And as I laughed and my body loosened, Eli calmed and smiled.  I have no idea how, but somehow I cleaned us both pretty quickly and easily.  And from then on, I pulled out my “TV Glasses” during life situations.  Any caregivers out there ever experience similar situations?

Which brings me to a few days ago when again I was struggling, frustrated and a little scared.  Instead of picturing the sitcom, I cried.  I disagreed with my producer for my upcoming radio show and participated in unnecessary arguing drama.  I was not fit for human consumption and I felt it in my body. I reflected on all my “life plates” I keep spinning, my to dos.  Are these life or death “plates”? Nope.  What will happen if I don’t get EVERYTHING done? Nothing.  What am I afraid of?

Truth? Falling on my face which is FAILING. Yet even as I say that most of me is not afraid.  I know in the deepest part of me, even if I fall on my face there is a reason.  I know the experience will provide me with an opportunity.  Now truth be told.  It isn’t comfortable to fail.  So I don’t know of anyone who runs out and says Yes, I’ll choose Failure.  What I know is if I don’t choose change,  which comes with risks, and pushing out of what is comfortable, I stay stuck.

Complacency becomes another word for stuck.  Don’t make waves. Status quo.   Don’t ask a tough question because of what might happen.  Did you know stuck means you don’t get to experience the fantabulous either?

Self-esteem plays a huge role in your willingness to embrace change.  Change can have ALOT of unknown and unfamiliar feelings and factors.  So of course complacency will feel better in some aspects because you know it.  And you know your outcomes even if they are painful.

So here I go taking another leap:  1) I premiered my radio show heard globally   2) I stopped part of my business marketing which I believed until recently was the largest draw for meeting new clients.   I do not know what I’m doing next to grow my community.   I trust it will be revealed soon (there was a bit of GULP the first time I said that)  3) I am continuing to lovingly detach as a parent (more on this in future articles). Providing my son opportunities to grow and fail (as safely as I can)  4) I am visibly emerging with  live videos on social media, radio, joint ventures with other healers 5) I am learning how to do my radio show from my computer and all the mechanics and marketing (there are at least 10 things here I don’t know)  6) I am allowing in my relationship with Marc instead of listening to the voice telling me to “drive the train”.  With more leaping each week and sometimes daily.

And while some days it feels harder and some days I fail.  I am still happy everyday.  And more and more consistently, I feel an ease and a joy.  I feel a freedom like I did as a kid riding my bike super fast with the wind blowing my hair kicking my feet out as I went down a huge hill and yelling WHEEEEEEE!!!

With Love and Gratitude,

Marni

 

Why Wear Someone Else’s Underwear

Do you wake up feeling great and head out into your day only to find after a work meeting or a run to a store you feel off, cranky, sad, etc.? Does any room in your house or does your car feel off, cold or darker? If you are answering yes about any part of you or your space feeling off, you need energetic cleansing.  I want to help you and share some of my favorite rituals. I energetically cleanse myself and my home, often if not daily.  Whether you are an open channel or just unaware,  it is easy to pick up other people’s energy unknowingly not only in your own energetic field but also in your home, your car,  or any space you visit. If you wouldn’t want to share someone else’s underwear, why wear their energy?
So what do you do to feel better?
First
begin by becoming more aware of how you feel so you notice when your feelings (physical, mental and emotional) change.   I begin my day doing a quick scan of me.  How do I feel: emotionally, physically, energetically.  If you don’t know the answers to all of them, it is okay.  It will come with practice.  Daily consistency is key.
Second cleanse your self.
Why? 
Clearing a space without clearing yourself is like mopping your floor wearing dirty shoes.
How?

There are many approaches for cleansing yourself.

Here is a short list.  You may like one or a couple; use them separately or together. There are no rules.,, feel what feels good to you. When you finish check in and see how you feel.  Don’t make this hard or complicated.

1- begin with water in the body;

Program a glass of water by holding it and setting an intention

Think and drink

2-Visualization: Create an image or a ritual of the mind that as you picture it, you cleanse.  You ask for anything not yours to be released for your highest good and cleansed off of you.

3- Prayer: Ask in prayer for energetic cleansing

4 sage or palo santo: Light either of these, set an intention to cleanse your self and douse yourself in their fumes

5- music: Sing, play or dance choosing music that lifts you up and soothes your soul (this is subjective)

6- crystals: Use crystal healing to cleanse your energetic field

7-move outside: Walk, run, bike, etc feel the earth beneath you and feel your vibes raise higher.

8- Water over the body: Shower, bathe and as the water runs over you or you submerge your body in water, know you are cleansing

9- exercise: Yoga, Pilates, Barre, Cycling, Running, Basketball, etc. Any form where you are moving continuously or close to continuously

10-laugh: laughter heals your soul; And more….

The goal is to clear your vibes and begin moving your vibration higher.  All you must do is believe it is possible to succeed.

Just as weather changes daily, the approach appealing to you can shift or change.  The methods you choose can also change as you learn, heal and grow, especially when you choose an extensive letting go healing like Kahuna healing. What I do today is different than what I did years ago.  I try news things and adapt my own rituals. So don’t be afraid to try something new.
Once you cleanse you, space cleansing can begin.  And you use many of the same approaches. Scan your space first.  How does each room feel? This is super personal.  My personal fave is white sage.  It is powerful and grabs most unwanted energy.  I set a stage for myself.  I love music and play music throughout my cleansing time.  I set intentions for my space and visualize the cleansing and protection of it.  And then I walk and dance throughout my space focused on my intentions.
Now there are times I receive intuitive messages to choose another approach or I hear I need to meditate first and I pick up some nuance to incorporate.  When I go to a client’s home, each space is cleansed uniquely.  While I may bring sage, there may be other tools I hear to help including meditations and even bubbles.  And sometimes, if there is a darker energy or a spirit to cross over, that certainly brings additional alternatives to my choices.
When you finish, scan your space again.  And notice the difference.  You may not be able to describe it right away.  It could be it just feels better.  And then yes, you’ve done it.
As we begin this new year of 2017, I encourage you to cleanse your self, cleanse your space and look for opportunities for healing yourself and letting go of what you don’t wish to carry with you any longer.  Letting go can cleanse your soul.  If you want to know more about this, join me  and Nami for Kahuna Healing as the first New Moon of 2017 approaches (information below).

With Love & Gratitude, Marni

How do you Dance in the Rain?

Doubt means “a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction.”  Even today I have moments of doubt.  I sometimes struggle with things I cannot control namely other peoples free will.  This is more than evident as I parent our wonderful little boy as he is healing from PTSD.  And sometimes after a struggle with something uncontrollable,  do you notice your fears enticing your feelings of self doubt.   As in my past, I witness my clients experiencing the same struggle of doubts and stuck feelings sometimes daily.  Those days I experience what I call M3 (Marni Meltdown Moment/s)where my fear has gotten hold of me and negative talk creeps in.  It happens to all of us at one point or another.  So what do you do to help yourself through it?  How do you DANCE in the Rain?

I wish I had a magic wand to wave and say…POOF, all is peaceful and healed.  While I don’t have a wand, I have 6 Simple, yet extraordinary solutions that changed my life (I still use them today) and change my clients lives:

These first 3 I named, The Daily 3.  Gratitude, Intention, Affirmation: listing 3 under each.

  1. Daily Gratitude:  I know everyone these days is talking about gratitude and gratitude is “trending”. Did you ever think it is gaining steam around the globe because it is working?  Daily say out loud/write down in a gratitude notebook what you are grateful for.  Struggle to come up with new ones each day.  What happens? Your vibes begin rising and when you are experiencing a delightful day, you’ll get higher.  Yet when you experience an M3 day, gratitude begins raising your vibes moving away from stuck or negativity.   I’ll get you started with a few: I am grateful for the air I breathe, my family, my friends, my body, my sanctuary aka home, my clients, the sun and its beautiful shine today…and more (keep going)
  2. Daily Intention: Intentions are a guide, a map of where you want to go or how you want to be.  Without a map or an intention, you may still get there or somewhere near OR you may end up in a completely different place. How many times have you said or heard: “I’m sorry that wasn’t my intention.” What did you intend? Intention is mindful.  It brings to your mind, body and spirit the way you want to engage and interact with the world, your relationships, and yourself.  Here is one to get you started: I intend to speak with kindness and honesty from my heart both to myself and people I encounter (this includes in person, on the phone and email).   While this is typically how I roll anyway, my conscious intention keeps it fresh even when I begin feeling fear or negativity enter.  I intend to stay focused today is another one I like.  I sometimes get distracted by the shiny things, emails, etc. So focus for me and naming it helps me stay accountable to myself.
  3. Daily Affirmation: I love these so much I do them when I wake up and before bed.  Affirmations are what or who I am even if some of it is still in the want stage and I’m not fully there believing it yet.  You have to be able to believe your affirmation is possible.  That is super important.  And they are always done from a positive voice.  Here are a few for you: I am perfect health, I am grounded & balanced, I am happy, I am lighter.
  4. Daily Meditation: Meditation doesn’t have to be what you think.  Meditation can rewire your brain.  Science is proving it.  You don’t have to sit if that isn’t your thing.  There are so many ways to make this work in your lifestyle.  I have worked with clients who meditate washing dishes, running, mowing the lawn and more.  This is about time for you.  Your mind will not shut off, but you will give your ego mind permission to quiet with gratitude so your heart and intuition can be heard more easily.  Those moments give you clarity, raise your vibe, can help you sleep, can help lower pressure and more.  Give yourself at least 3 minutes.  And when you have more time expand it longer.  For me, meditation smooth’s me out and raises my vibes.  The clarity I gain helps me see even more possibilities for situations.
  5. Daily Love of myself:  Daily love is naming 3 things you love about yourself.  I love my laugh, my eyes and my big heart.  This was harder for me in the beginning.  My eyes was the first thing I could name and it felt awkward at the beginning like I was conceited.  Yet, I easily complimented my friends and family, even strangers about themselves.  So struggle through this and don’t give up.  If you were meeting you, what would you love?
  6. Daily Body moving & self care: Get up off the sofa.  You don’t have to run a marathon or do a heavy work out.  Go for a walk around the block.  Walk at a swift pace through your house, the mall, a parking lot, etc.  Do yoga at home or in community.  Ask a friend to walk dogs with you, etc.  Park a little further away from the store and walk extra.  And then get dressed, shower and nourish your body.  Each of these things will raise your vibes.  Even if you start out stomping, the oxygen to your blood will help those happy endorphins begin to create in your body.

Whether your feeling stuck daily and doubting yourself daily or you just have moments.  These 6 extraordinary solutions will change your life if you are daring enough to commit and eager to feel better.

If you are one of those daring, eager and committed souls and you are ready move toward grabbing happiness by the arm everyday and leaving stuck, doubt and pain behind and maybe your ready to start a meditation practice or take yours up a notch, then we should talk.  Sign up for a complimentary call with me.  I want to know what you are ready to leave behind and what you are ready to walk through the door towards and how what I do can support and help you.

YES, I want to Heal My Sh#t, please call me (complete this form)

Please tune in tomorrow at 9am Eastern & join us in the conversation. You will learn, laugh & be inspired to grow.

Are you familiar with the word chakra and what it is? I invite you to join my touching and sometimes humorous conversation about chakras with Paula Vail of For the Love of Reiki.

Source: https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/95900/chakras

Self-Esteem: Reclaiming Yours

Feeling stuck or in pain sucks. Gaining awareness is the first step in healing your self-esteem and living life in happiness. Join me tomorrow morning, November 15th at 9am Eastern, for a real and vulnerable conversation with my friend, Nami Nesterowicz. You will be so glad you did. And while you are listening call us. We want to hear from you. 1-866-472-5792. #selfesteem #love

 

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Heal Your Sh#t with Marni

Tuesday at 6 AM Pacific

November 15, 2016: Self-Esteem Healing: Reclaiming Yours

Join me and my friend and Master Healer, Nami in our heart tugging and at times playful conversation about healing self-esteem. I’ll share the 7 Habits indicating your self-esteem needs healing; Become part of our conversation as Nami and I share our own stories and tools we used to shift and reclaim our own self-esteem. Tune in and call us we want to hear from you and hear your questions.



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https://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/95549/self-esteem-healing-reclaiming-yours

 

You Can Pee In A Meeting!

When you’re in a personal or business conversation with someone you care about, and your conversation becomes negative or argumentative, how do you respond? Do you argue back, withdraw inside or flee out of the room?

I used to handle it either by withdrawing inside and saying nothing, crying (usually leading to some kind of drama), or matching the negativity with my own just as loud. All of those choices left me feeling bad inside and out. Plus the situation sucked out a lot of my energy.

Because I felt less confident (somedays my awareness of my feelings was nada), I felt powerless to change the situation. I mean c’mon, the person I care about in a relationship is not someone I wanted to fight. My boss or the President of a client’s company…definitely not someone I wanted to fight with. I didn’t see a choice other than black and white. Fight or not fight, quit the job or suck it up. I was sooooo wrong.

One day I was in a meeting on the other side of the country with a very important client. I hadn’t slept great. I was feeling self-conscious about my weight and not great in my skin. It was me and two colleagues meeting with the VP and the President of our client’s company. The client President became enraged as we discussed strategy ideas and details. I was VP of our ad agency at the time. My colleagues were the President of our company and the VP of creative.  This was one of our biggest clients. The client President launched into attack after attack. We were all floored and had never seen this side of him. I was squirming because the energy in the room dropped and I felt like I was slowly suffocating.

I didn’t sit in silence and I didn’t cry or yell back, though I really wanted to do both. I asked questions and answered his questions hoping to calm the energy and “please him”. I could feel the tension rising all around the room. And my fight/flight instinct was about to go into hyper mode. I took a sip of water to calm myself. And then with every ounce of strength, internally shaking and not listening to my fear, I stood up. It was time for me to pee in this meeting.

Standing up stopped the barrage of attacks from the client President.  He stared at me. I looked in his eyes and saw anger and looking deeper I saw below his anger, fear. I could feel how powerless he felt inside himself. Then I calmly said something like: “I truly want to hear the rest of what you are saying. What you are saying is important. I have to pee and cannot wait any longer. Can we take 5? Please excuse me.”

And I walked out of the room. No I didn’t wait for his answer. Is anyone going to tell me I cannot pee? Ha, no way.

I did go to the bathroom. I felt scared and angry. What did I just do? I could get fired or we could lose this account. My feelings from years ago being bullied and feeling crappy about myself came flooding back. I felt disempowered to change ANYTHING back then. I struggled to remember I was NOT her anymore. So I consciously chose taking the time to cleanse my energy, breathe, remind myself of who I am standing tall in my wonderfulness, raising my vibration and protected my energy. Maybe I was gone 5 minutes total.

When I returned, the room was still tense. Definitely fear, but it was so much calmer.

My one act of standing up and walking out disrupted the negative energy flow.

I sat down and smiled radiating and holding my higher energy. We began our meeting again. The President calmed down and even apologized for his poor behavior. I smiled inside and graciously accepted along with my colleagues.

I learned something that day. I learned everyone has choice. You have a choice beyond black and white, fight or flight, your way or their way. I learned about my self-esteem and its effect on the energy I exuded out of me. I felt off when I originally entered the meeting. Insecurity inside myself attracted energy and an experience that mirrored my “less than” feelings. Also, I learned my energy attracted people and experiences into my life like a magnet.

In your life, in your important relationships, you don’t share a brain with your partner/friend/colleague/client. You usually come to each relationship with your own experiences which shaped your beliefs. Chances are you and they will have a conflict or disagreement. Combine deep caring, lack of sleep, hunger, fear of any kind and POW the great making for an argument.

Are you the one igniting the fire? Are you the peacemaker crying and withdrawing? Are you the one that stands up to the igniter and throws gasoline all over it making it even larger and louder?

If you are like me, you’ve been all of them in different relationships during your many life moments.

At the end of the day you and everyone else wants to feel SEEN, HEARD and LOVED. If you remember this and remember you can pee in a meeting which is my unfiltered way of saying…take a time out…THEN you empower yourself to take care of you, love you and handle conflict with calm, faith, hope and love, seeing many possibilities beyond fight or flight disrupting and SHIFTING your energy and the energy in the room. Thus you have the opportunity to then choose another way to communicate with each other and even discover a way to synergize creating a win/win for both of you.

Do you want to discover more secrets and valuable tools to become aware and shift your energy and those feelings of stuck or crappiness about yourself? RSVP now for the limited spaces and reserve your spot for my monthly workshop beginning in September: Exploring Your Body & Emotion’s voice through Chakras

You’ll experience the maximum impact… by attending all 4 workshops.  They’re designed to work together… Attend all workshops for $108 and save $52 off the single workshop price.  And I understand that, if you’ve never done anything like this work before, you might want to dip your toe in first!  Your first workshop with me is $40.   Full details are at www.lovinglylotus.com- register now! http://wp.me/P4V60B-25

If you commit for the powerful results of the entire series now during the “early bird time”, your investment is $72. RSVP today by clicking this link http://wp.me/P4V60B-25

How you feel inside at any given time affects your energetic vibration which in turn attracts the people and experiences you draw into your life. Do you want to become aware of what is making you feel stuck or creating pain OR drawing similar unwanted experiences your way?

RSVP now empowering yourself and begin transforming your life.

http://wp.me/P4V60B-25

Did God abandon me?

Have you ever felt lost and abandoned by what you trust, what you know, who you know and what keeps you feeling comfortable in your own skin?

As a young child I soared with happiness.  I lived authentically and in a big way with big energy. I trusted me and the world. I felt connected like an umbilical cord to everything.  And then my world changed.

Thinking back to it, it didn’t seem traumatic.  When I was 8 we moved.  Moved away from friends and family, schools, neighborhood, everything I knew and had known most of my life.   We landed in a place where we knew no one.  They spoke differently. My sister and I were the only Jewish kids in our elementary school. I have an unusual name, Marni, which stuck out. My hair was white blond (and stuck out). I have a loud laugh too.   Not long after we moved, I began developing so I stuck out physically too, as this was early.

Couple me sticking out to even more changes: our new house was broken into and robbed 2 months after we moved in; my Dad was traveling ALOT and no longer home each night; there was a killer in the new county we lived in that was abducting white blonde headed kids, raping and killing them.  That last one panicked my parents.  So instead of enjoying the freedom I had grown up with leaving my house with friends and riding my bike all day.  I was able to go about a block away.  If I went further there had to be a destination and a phone call home when I arrived.

And finally, my new school was a big change from an open room school where I had been working at my own pace and soaring academically to one classroom learning at the same pace as my peers.

Lots of change, right? Feeling free changed. Feeling safe changed.  Feeling accepted changed. Feeling loved changed.  And then the bullying began.   I don’t recall all the particulars.  One day it was my hair.  One day it was my new larger breasts or that I wore a bra.  Two boys threatened to beat me up on the playground because I was Jewish.  Girls who had been my “friends” no longer played with me at recess and either ignored me or joined in with the bullies.

I told my parents and felt shame that I wasn’t having the happy experience I felt they expected.  My parents are loving people and care about me.  They are not perfect.  They told me if I ignored it, the bullying would stop.  It didn’t.  They were getting more and more brutal.  I went to the principal of the school.  He listened to me, told me to develop a thicker skin and try to ignore it.  I began feeling unimportant and invisible. I no longer felt connected.

I began to change. I withdrew.  I escaped into books, writing and tennis.  The outgoing fun loving  social child became quiet and introverted.  The message in my energy was PLEASE DON”T SEE ME.  If you don’t see me, you won’t be mean to me.  I was filled with negative self-talk about my own lack of worth.

Yet, I was angry.  I felt abandoned by everyone in my life that helped me feel secure and safe to be my true happy self including and especially God.

How could God allow this to happen to me? I wondered: If we are all parts of God, how can this be happening?  My self worth was crushed.  I felt invisible to those that could help me and targeted by the kids.  I prayed every way I knew for this punishing experience to end.  Remember I was 8, 9 years old, just a year older than my son is today.   Over time with all that was so out of control in my life and  pushing my feelings to numb, I became bulimic and developed amnesia of sorts.

As I grew up, I healed pieces of me over time.  I sought treatment for my bulimia and that was the first big step in releasing the anger I felt and living more like true Marni.  Learning meditation at treatment uncorked a big chunk of my amnesia and I began remembering who I had been before we moved.    As I healed each of these pieces, I thought this is the BIG ONE.  The one that would bring real Marni back to life completely.

Don’t get me wrong.  I changed a lot after treatment.  The outgoing free and happy Marni began returning.  I began talking to God again. I lived happier and happier.  I met an amazing man that became my best friend and husband.  Yet as much as I understood his love for me, I still questioned it and didn’t fully trust it.  My lack of trust showed up many times an issue escalated between us, I believed he would leave me.  He didn’t say this, yet I went there.

By the time I became aware and owned this was a pattern in me, I stepped into my life as a healer and believed strongly in my connection to the Universe and God and even divine reasons for life experiences. And I couldn’t understand why I didn’t feel completely authentic.  Something wasn’t getting through.

BOOM.  Hit over the head.  That is how I felt this past summer when my hubs and I had a big misunderstanding.  I discovered he kept something from me financially.  I went right to my distrust place and assumed he did it with the intent of leaving me.  Fortunately, I searched within me for other possibilities before I went overboard. I learned what he had done was to support me fulfilling my life purpose in the best way he knew how because he believed in me and my ability to help others.  OY.

Why did I go there?  It goes back to my 8/9 year old experiences.  I NEVER grieved for feeling abandoned in my life.  I shut down. Not abandoned by people only, I never grieved for feeling abandoned by God.  The anger I carried around was unconscious anger towards God for the pain and suffering of my childhood and not understanding why I “deserved” it.    Becoming aware of these feelings and their depth rocked my world.  How could I help others and believe all I believe and feel this way?   And yet I did.

My new awareness forged a deeper spiritual connection in me.  I almost always trusted easily on the surface.  Now my trust is much deeper.  I believe everything happens for a reason or as my Grams always said “Out of Shit, You get Flowers”.  And as I look back on my life, God never abandoned me, I abandoned me when my world flipped upside down.  I let go of my faith.

This past summer rocked my world within every aspect of my life.  Nothing went untouched.  Again my faith was tested.  I questioned if I truly believed what I believe and if I did, how could I question it?   I went back to basics of what I know about energy, chakras, faith, love and growth.  I learned: Questioning what you believe is okay.  It doesn’t mean you no longer believe them.  It actually strengthens your belief and your faith. I know when life feels really tough and super yucky, look out, the pain is growth. No different than a kid’s leg or arm growing.  Is it what I would choose? No.  Would you?

Yet believing in my connection to God, that everything happens for a reason and somehow I’m always taken care of…. have gotten me through the most challenging 9 months of my life.  I know when I ask for help it is heard and I give up control as to how and when that help shows up for me.  I do not feel isolated and alone.  I feel connected.

Lovingly Lotus