We feel like a quiet volcano about to spew.  Being full…Full emotionally, mentally, physically. Is it caused by one situation? Sometimes. Is it caused by juggling a number of situations? Sometimes.  Can it be old stuff we’ve held onto? Sometimes. We realize it  when:

  1. Things that don’t usually bother us start grating on us
  2. Patience is out the window
  3. We feel different inside ourselves, uncomfortable. Feeling things healed long ago
  4. Crying at the drop of a hat
  5. Feeling suffocated in general or by clutter
  6. Trouble remembering normal everyday words to finish sentences (on the tip of our tongues)

What to do? Usually I create time by myself and meditate, cry, yell (alone)- any or all of the above.  Some of these I do at the same time. This time I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin.  I was feeling things I’d healed long ago.  I was very “touchy”.   I got angry at my family over stuff that normally doesn’t bother me. OUCH. Then I cried about my behavior and taking it out on them. Did I mention I’m not a fan of DRAMA? This was old stuff.  I meditated and journaled releasing as much as I could, but still needed a good cry.  Crying for me is a natural release for most of my emotions. So I squashed the rest of the release until my family left the house.

I knew there was just a little more to let go. And I asked for help releasing it as I don’t cry on command.  I prayed, meditated, journaled, worked out and yet my tears and emotions would begin coming up at the worst times like when I was about to pick up my son from school or have a meeting. So I stuffed it back down until later. I took a shower one evening figuring that would help stimulate my release. Nothing.  This hadn’t happened before. Then I watched a couple of movies on TV that usually make me cry to get it going again. NOTHING. Frustrated I gave up til morning. In the morning before my son woke up I began to get teary. Then I heard my son and cut it off. Not because he shouldn’t see me cry, only because it was a school day and this didn’t involve him. So after he went to school, I meditated again. NOTHING. Finally after a phone call from a friend…I listened to a piece of music she suggested. I don’t know if it was the instruments, the words, the combination of those things and the voice or what…but the tears began STREAMING down my face FINALLY releasing. Releasing frustration of old, anger of old, resentment of old, self worth issues of old. Such OLD stuff that I healed a long time ago and was still carrying residue inside.

We need to release so we aren’t like a bottle of soda that gets shaken up and opened spewing all over the place.  It is normal for us to get full now and again in our busy lives. It is also normal to release residue from old things we’ve healed and moved past to make room for what comes next in our lives.  Our fullness and release serve us as  great reminders.  Reminding us , we need to take time for ourselves consistently and ask for help.

So grateful for my hubby and his support. Holding me, listening, loving me.  So grateful for my son and his love.  So grateful for their forgiveness. So grateful for my friends and their love and support.  So grateful to be vulnerable together.

Lovingly Lotus

Categories: blog


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