So many reasons for me to be happy and grateful. I am happy and grateful. Yet today is a struggle day. It comes out of nowhere. I feel really sad.
My nickname is Sunny. I smile ALOT. I see the good even in the shit storm, but please don’t confuse it with me being fake happy or never feeling anything but happiness.
I am underlying happy in myself most of the time on most days.
However, I have minutes, hours, days and times in my life where I’m anxious or overwhelmed. Most of the time my tools work for me. Some days I sit and cry (a tool).
Having a “bad” moment, we often judge ourselves that we’re either not happy, getting it wrong, shouldn’t be taking the time to be sad or frozen or whatever the feeling is.
This is bullshit. Holding in the feelings is what keeps you stuck in them longer and keeps us stuck in repeating patterns. And denying your feelings isn’t SELF-LOVE. Loving you means you love you shitty days and all. You love you even if you want things to change. It is deepening your love for yourself every day that creates the life you want to live physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, relationships and more.
Truth be told I’ve been dealing with something for a few months that some days has me spinning, overwhelmed or so sad I cry loudly when no one is around. It sneaks up on me. I have so MUCH to be grateful for, so I’ve felt guilty for feeling this way or being in my “down day” .
I know how I’m feeling today comes from all that has happened these last few months, but these surprise visits of sadness and overwhelm are not how I usually feel. I feel so uncomfortable. Doing my best not to feel guilty. I am doing what feels the best for me today. While I adore my clients and am so grateful for each of them. Today I thank God I had no one on the my schedule. Funny, the feelings like this never happen when I have a typical client day- most grateful for that.
I share this to normalize feelings. I share this so you know it’s absolutely an act of self love to sit and cry, take a mental health day, take time to check out in nature or binge on Netflix. There is NOTHING to feel guilty for or beat yourself up. You’re human. Perfectly imperfect.
As I sat today trying to meditate and the tears overwhelmed me, I yelled out for a moment …just stop – I don’t want to feel like this anymore. And I was guided and heard, let it out and embrace it.
In other words EMBRACE YOU MARNI!!! Love yourself even more Marni and let it out. And did I ever. Interestingly…I began to feel just a smidge better. I put on some of my favorite high vibe music and let the tears flow and flow and flow. Then I felt drawn to write about it. So here I am.
I help people everyday create healing. I’m much better today than years ago about creating healing for myself yet at times I look outward and think it’s not okay as I look at my to do list.
Fuck the todo list. You won’t be remembered for the todo list. You won’t be remembered for getting the most things done. You’ll be remembered for how you lived and loved. Every day is a gift…so do you want to live your life and make memories (even sad ones) or check out of the feeling world and just “get it done”?
Sure things have to get done but in this world the has become so IMMEDIATE…does it all truly need to be done so quickly and by unrealistic due dates? Absolutely not.
Cry the tears, let the rage out of the cage, sit and numb out on Netflix and be one with yourself. What happens next will show you, you LOVE yourself and are truly FREE!!
If you’re still reading this, I hope it’s impacted you to love yourself more deeply. And I hope you know I’m here for you to help you create healing anytime. Thank you so much for reading this.
Peace and Love to you always, Marni
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