love myself

After my last post about beginning the year with Gusto, I feel compelled to share a  glimpse into one of my shifts in beliefs as I embrace the new year; acknowledging my desire and setting intention. I know so many peeps who begin a new year with newly inspired goals or resolutions.  Do they achieve them? So many resolutions focus on  losing weight or working out.  Just check out a few minutes of TV  this month and see Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and so many others hoping to inspire viewers to call them with their plethora of commercials one after the other.   I’m sitting here after finishing what I call my weekly “kick my butt” session with my trainer.  I am surprised, excited and grateful by all my body has done for me this week.  One of my desires and intentions for 2015 is getting my outsides caught up to my insides.   Meaning saying more than I love my body by showing my body I mean it by caring for it and thus showing love for myself.

I began with a  commitment to what I put inside my body.  Back to basics and Isagenix. I began using Isagenix shakes & cellular cleanses years ago before I became pregnant to cleanse the toxins out of my body as a gift to my unborn child.   Since having my beautiful boy, I’ve been inconsistent with it due to a variety of factors I could list here (lots of it laziness), but ultimately all my choice. One of my reflections at the end of last year:  I never felt better and had more energy than when I was committed to what I put in my body.

With my renewed commitment for my body’s nourishment also comes a commitment to moving my ass.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a couch potato by any stretch, but I do talk myself out of getting to the gym or moving in some capacity from time to time.  Listening to that “putting off” voice is much easier now that I work from home.  So I asked my trainer: what should I do when I’m not with you.  The answer was simple.  As she gave me my “TO DO”, she stressed to only do this 4 times a week as I would need a break or I would burn out.   Okay…I will not overdo and I will do the 4 days plus 1 day with her.  Now, what to do.  It is FREEZING outside and as much as I’d like to run with or without the dog for a long sweat…not going to happen.  So, I decided to make use of our Y membership.  I made appointments with myself to get to the Y either for a class or getting on a piece of equipment that would get me moving and sweating.

Day one I headed in and went for the elliptical.  I’ve always liked it  but was unsure I was conditioned enough to make it 30 minutes.  I even asked a sweet man working there to review how best to use it.  So I got on and began.  Two minutes in I thought, OMG…what have I done.  The head trash negative talking began. No way can I do this for 30 minutes, I’m getting off at 5 and doing the treadmill or the bike.  5 minutes in I thought, this isn’t so bad, I’m feeling stretched out so I’ll do 10 minutes and then move on.   At ten minutes, I told myself I’d go til 15, 1/2 my time and then move to something else.  As 15 approached, I had steadily increased my heart rate and was in the heart of the work out.  I couldn’t leave yet so I thought I’ll stick it out til 20 minutes.  At 20 minutes, I had peaked, but felt I needed a cool down.  So by the time 25 minutes rolled around, I thought I’ve got this and finished the 30 minutes.  I was hesitant to get off the machine as I wondered would my body be exhausted? Pained? Would I fall on my face? Well, I must not give my body enough credit as I felt GREAT! Sweat dripping and smiling I moved on to work my core and stretch.

Leaving the Y, I felt terrific.   Then the thoughts of fear hit as I walked to my car (which I parked far from the door- Go me!).  How long will I do this before that voice comes back and gives me excuses?? How can I overcome that? How is this time different than time before? More contemplation…

This time IS DIFFERENT. I’m making myself accountable.    I shared all of this great accomplishment and fear with my husband and a few close friends.  Each day I text them along with my trainer about my work out.  Honest, no hiding.  I plan out my meals as best I can so I  stick to my 2 protein shakes a day and one healthy meal.  And Monday the 19th, I add my cleanse to the mix.

I wasn’t going to go public with this.  What happens if I tell all of you and then I “fall off the wagon” “have an off day”? But I’m human and not perfect just like everyone else.  Maybe someone else is trying to figure this out  (weight loss or some other shift in belief) and needs to know they are not alone feeling as they do.  Telling you also keeps me accountable.  A bit scary to have so much of me out there.

I’m feeling very exposed and vulnerable.  I know in the past I’ve set goals, targets, resolutions for releasing weight, getting more fit and they last for awhile and then life creeps in and the excuses start.  So why is this year different? I don’t know if I can put it in words.  Last year for me was filled with huge changes leaving corporate America and fulfilling my dream full time of helping people heal.  With that came some new insecurities and some big excitement rolled into one.  As I sat with myself reflecting over last year, what came to me is:  If I don’t deal with my own issues, how can I help others heal theirs?  I sat with the reasons or should I say emotions that carry my weight and realized so many of them were no longer valid.  So then I looked at my own will power, desire, determination, and love of myself.  If I truly believe I love myself then what would normally be called a resolution or goal is truly a shift in what I see in me and my desire to release for good.

Here is what I know about myself:  Once I decide to do something,  it is done.  I thank  my friend, Jeff Combs from Golden Mastermind for this awareness.  I attended his Breakthroughs session years ago, breaking through what holds you back in business & in life.  During a small portion of the weekend, I  broke 2 boards with my hand having never trained or done anything like this.  All because I believed without a shadow of doubt it was done.  This is the best way to explain the SHIFT in my beliefs & intentions with my body.  Jeff would say “Is it done?” And if you hesitate, you don’t get to break a board.  I responded confidently “IT IS DONE”, he showed me what to do and I did it.  Loving my body and making these lifestyle changes is DONE.  I’m not hungry.  In fact, I have to push myself sometimes to get all my food in.  I must admit I’m peeing like a racehorse from increasing my water and I smile thinking of the release of what I no longer need.  I feel great after my workouts.  I’m sleeping well.  And my body is already feeling different.

While my life isn’t literally about breaking boards, in a way, it is.  It is about BELIEVING in ME and Loving Me without a doubt!! It is DONE!

love myself2

If this helped inspire you too, please let me know.  I love your comments.

Look out 2015, I am so grateful!!

Lovingly Lotus

Categories: blog


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