I love being a mommy. My son is a wonderful mirror for my deeds and misdeeds; my habits great & not so great and also my truck driver mouth. I enjoy a wonderful gift seeing myself through his eyes and watching him interact with the world doing things and saying things I’ve done a thousand times and for him it is only the first. I want to protect him from any potential pain and revel in all his joy!!
One of the best gifts I receive is a reminder every day to enjoy my own inner child. Sometimes I enjoy it with him and sometimes I enjoy my inner child by myself, with my hubby or with friends. Do you remember the freedom of being a child? Were you free as a child? For me, thinking of my inner child, sparks a memory as a five year old, riding my bike super fast and coasting down a hill with the wind whipping my hair and my feet kicking out on either side of the bike and screaming with joy. Freedom, happiness, pure joy!
I missed those feelings as I grew older. I had become so responsible and adult and wanting everything to be PERFECT and in order. Feeling things had to be done sometimes by others but mostly self imposed “rules”. I forgot about the perfection of just BEING in the moment; the perfection of imperfection; the perfection of innocence and feeling free.
Before my son was born my husband and I took a trip to Kiawah. We rented bikes as soon as we got there. I felt the beginnings of the kid in me returning. Everything we needed was at the resort, no reason to get in the car and leave. So we got ready to ride our bikes. I even put my hair in ponytails on the sides of my head like I did as a kid. And we began to ride. 15 or so minutes in, the rain began, heavy late spring/early summer warm rain. There was no where close to take shelter so it was either continue or go back to our room. Soaked already we chose to continue and rode super fast up the next hill. As I came down the hill I kicked out my heels off the pedals and screamed whoo hoo. The rain whipped my hair, my heart sped up faster and I felt that freedom and joy of being a five year old.
Now I have a five year old, almost six. His innocence and pure joy is amazing. He helps me remember my own every day. He finds the one spot on the playground covered in mud and plays in it with relish. The responsible parent in me groans about all the cleaning I will have to do but the other part of me wants to and now often does get in the mud and play with him. And that part of me that plays with him is the most authentic part of me.
What a gift he gives to me every day and I’m grateful to be in my own body and enjoying the moments so I can acknowledge this gift and enjoy it with him.
What do you do to enjoy freedom inside yourself? Do you worry like me about cleaning the mud? Do you worry about what others might think? Do you allow yourself to enjoy rolling around in the mud, riding the bike in the rain, screaming with joy and allowing your inner child to play? This life happen once. This day happens once. Do you want to remember it by getting all your tasks done? Do you want to remember it by living your life? What memories do you want to create?
By no means am I saying go out there and forget all responsibility. What I am suggesting is finding balance. Allowing spontaneity in your life from time to time. Creating amazing memories in your life and letting your inner child out to play more consistently. My inner child would love another playmate!! Seek multiple moments of joy and laughter with your inner child each day.
And when you see that mom playing in the mud with her child or riding bikes in the rain or even dancing in the grocery store for a 30 second dance party, come join us. That is me and I love playing with kids and other inner children.
Lovingly (and muddy) Lotus
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