Who Am I?


Just a week or so ago I was spinning. The moment we’ve dreamed about for a long time arrived. Our son’s healing was at the point he could be in a general education setting in his home school. So, for the 4th time since school began in August, our schedules and routines were changing. I’m in the midst of launching a program in my healing business unlike anything I’ve done before. It’s new. It’s exciting. It’s a bit uncomfortable. And I was about to have my first colonoscopy.

None of these things is “BAD”. They are all really good things. They’re transitions, change, new, which adds stress in a different way. I’ve also been upping the ante on my own personal healing these last 5-6 months. And that is affecting my thinking, my body, my feelings…pretty much my life.

I noticed as all these things were coming together, I was down. My energy was lower than before…I was moving slower. And that was strange. I was really happy. Yet I am super aware of my body talk and feelings because of my own Energetics mastery practices I do each day and understanding the role of my vibes and chakras. And my feelings and my body were not in sync. I was also procrastinating fully stepping into a new personal development program. And for me that’s weird. I LOVE the teacher and get so much out of ANYTHING from this person. And when I am fully “in” and ready for a new program, while I may be a little nervous, I just do it.

So I listened to my body when it told me to rest. It was really counter productive to what my brain was saying. Yet I know from years of Energetics Mastery practice, I needed to listen. Not always an easy choice especially when you have a lot of “TODO’s”. I stayed off social media promoting my program and my biz. I meditated longer. I gave myself what I needed. And my energy began moving up. And then I sat in meditation and answers began to bubble to the surface in pieces.

I processed some and dashed off a quick email to my healer for support. I was still stuck on something that had been coming up on and off with my healing business for a couple years. And it had made it’s way into my coaching time with my biz coach and my email with my healer. And as I processed from my coaching time and read the email response from my healer, I began feeling like I was SPINNING. Chaos was taking over. I felt super uncomfortable.

So, it began with the transitions. Great transitions. And then it made its way into my healing business. I began noticing in my copy for my new program something was missing. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was though I knew it would come to me. And when you are launching something amazing and new and realize something is missing, that feeling is stressful.

So, after a mini wave of chaotic spinning stress took over, I was able to get some support time with my healer. And during our time together through questions and my intuitive responses I began figuring out what was missing. I called out what was causing my spinning. And my spinning began to leave. And when I say spinning, it feels like chaos and discomfort inside my body and in my mind.

Here’s what came out. I have NOT completely, consistently and unequivocally shared who I am in my business. I’ve mentioned it. I’ve said it. I’ve owned it and then glossed over it.

And when I say this, I’m not standing in this in ego saying “look at me”, I’m so great, blah,blah, blah. I’m saying this from my place of truth. What I know down to my core. What I’ve witnessed and what’s been confirmed back to me.

What’s getting in the way of me saying who I am?
• When I market, I’m being respectful and not wanting to BLOW people over or cause blow back to me
• Part of me is scared or hiding from standing in my pure self, yet as I do my own work and make peace with this, it causes me to spin

So here goes…

I am a powerful healer.

And I hold space for people to heal which dramatically changes their lives.

And I haven’t been saying this. I’ve whispered it. Yet, I haven’t fully claimed it. And I am claiming it.

I said it out loud to my biz coach who mirrored back that this is the FIRST time I’ve stood up and claimed this. I say it and show it to my clients, yet when it comes to promoting or marketing so I can help more folks, I get shy.

Have you ever felt something so strongly down to your soul and held back?

I am a powerful healer.

And what that means is:
Whether in person, on the phone or through face to face technology, I use my ability of clair senses, sensory intuition (which help me to know, see, hear, smell, feel, and sometimes taste) and meld this with Eastern healing philosophies like Reiki, Energy healing, crystal healing and sound healing to help people heal physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I’ve helped clients find relief from physical pain. And I’ve seen clients learn to understand their physical pain, so they not only feel better, but also understand the message their body conveys to them, so they decide if they want to make a change. And when they do, the physical pain doesn’t return. And most often their life begins transforming.

Like my client who had elbow pain. It had been diagnosed as tennis elbow. I felt in my body as a toothache before she came to see me. And when I saw her she described feeling like she had a tooth ache in her elbow. And what I intuitively heard as I used healing techniques to alleviate her pain, was how imbalanced her life was between work, self-time and personal time. So much emphasis on work was not allowing her to feel the “sweetness” of life. And her lack of sweetness showed up in her body as if she’d had the opposite. Her body told her she needed more FUN.
This wasn’t new information to her. If she had really sat and thought about it, sure she knew she was imbalanced. She wasn’t paying attention. So her body began speaking to get her attention.
And as I shared this with her and she became aware, I taught her the foundations of Energetic and through my support, practicing and the tools and tips I shared with her, she developed Energetics Mastery. So not only did she enjoy more fun in her life, the elbow pain did not return. And she began “hearing” her body in a new way. A way that brought her into a closer communication with what her true self wanted to experience.

Not all clients feel the pain physically. Some do their best NOT to feel, which would be emotional pain. They bury it in doing lots of stuff, taking naps, avoidance through spending time on social media or tv, numbing out in some way (food, drugs, alcohol, exercise) and the list goes on. Many of these clients have complaints about something in their life that isn’t working. And often it’s more than one thing.

Things like:
*I don’t sleep well – my mind is constantly racing
*I am not treated well or respected: at work or in my relationship or both
*I can’t lose weight – I hate my body or parts of my body
*I’m stressed with my kids and find myself losing my patience a lot
*My sex life is lacking
*I know what I “should” do that would help me but I don’t do it because _______________ (obstacle).

And with clients like this, again, I begin with energy healing. And I’m lead to the area(s) of the body where the imbalance stems. And I couple this with teaching them and supporting them with Energetic Foundations and using practices, tools and tips with them so they take it to Energetics Mastery.

It is not a one and done “I’ve got it” scenario. And Mastery doesn’t mean perfect. It means mastering the understanding, awareness, techniques and tools to a point they become part of you.

The Energetic Foundation principles I use daily in my life and that I share with clients, needs cultivation. It’s a seed. And like a seed it needs food and water support to grow deeper roots and blossom. Just like we need tools and tips, practice and support to change and blossom.

Life isn’t perfect. We’re always going to deal with stuff that causes stress, fear, tension, etc. I do in my life too. My mission is to help. When you add energy healing and Energetics Mastery to your life, you become more aware quicker. You empower yourself with choice. You learn to love and accept yourself to a depth you didn’t even know existed.

I used these very tools to take myself from NUMBING out, not loving myself much, not feeling worthy or trusting me, not feeling confident, and hating on my body TO levels of joy in my life I didn’t even know existed. And yes, it’s in layers and the depth comes with practice.

And when stuff comes up for me, like it did the other week, I use my “go to” tools and get support. And it built resilience in me. I know when things get hard, somehow, it’s going to get better. I don’t feel stuck permanently. And that gives me hope. But I am straying from the crux of this message.

I am a powerful healer.

I help clients heal:
Physical pain
Emotional pain
Relationship pain
Self-love pain
Body Love pain
Feeling Stuck pain
Love pain

And I am on a mission to help people feel better and get what they want by helping them see and get what they need. And if you feel stuck, unsure, frustrated, lonely, or something similar and you are willing to embrace it so you can heal it, my sacred gift to you is for us to talk. Let’s help you discern if we are meant to partner and help you heal so you can live your best life ever.
Thank you for bearing witness as I FULLY step in to who I am.
XO Marni

PS. Click Here  It will take you to the form in my Energetics Mastery page to set up time for us to talk.

Vulnerably Naked

So as many of you who read my blog regularly know, I was bulimic from the age of 8 until I went to treatment at 25.  You don’t go to treatment and POOF, your healed.  It’s a way to get a giant head start (if you are willing to face your discomfort) towards healing.

I’m going to get very vulnerable and share things I usually reserve for my  closest of close.  What I’m sharing  I used to feel shame about.  How could I help other people heal if I still struggled with this shit?   What I know, is that sharing my own struggles allows you to see the real me and I know helps my clients connect and trust me at a deeper level for their own healing.  So here goes:

Over the years, my body went from a very bulimic size 4 with my ribs sticking out (compare this with a 2 or 0 by today’s sizing) to very oversized past 20.  Why?

When my size began to change:

  1. My physical body was catching up to my energy, HUGELY powerful

  2. I lived with a man right after college,  I believed I would marry.  One night he came home drunk, we had a brief conversation and beat the shit out of me.  And somewhere inside me I decided to make my size larger to protect me. (unconscious decision)

  3. I was having conflict with my mom at one point in my life and her go to was appearance.  She was raised with appearance being SUPER important.  Most specifically size.  And in my anger at her, I was saying “F-U…here I am bigger and bigger…I dare you to love me anyway.”  I know this isn’t rational.  Feelings rarely are or they wouldn’t be feelings.

  4. I lived with a man I believed I would marry (different from the earlier man).  This man I never wanted to date and ended up with him for 5 years and lost parts of myself in the process.  While he wasn’t physically abusive, he was emotionally abusive, manipulative, and vindictive.

  5. Beginning when I was young, someone super close to me told me I was TOO BIG (energetically), TOO MUCH, TOO LOUD, TOO INTIMIDATING.  So to make myself less intimidating, even after I healed my mom stuff , the physical fear, and  the emotional fear,  I reduced my size to a point and then stagnated, hitting a plateau.

I didn’t know all my whys immediately.  Each one of these whys was a layer of healing.  The healing began with awareness and then facing each belief; looking them in the eye, admitting this was my truth and my pain. Then, FORGIVING not just anyone else involved but above all ME.  Forgiving ME.  You can’t completely love yourself when you are unwilling or unable to forgive.

It didn’t happen like a light switch flipping on.  It took time.  Time for me to sit in the awareness.  Time for me to admit to myself the TRUTH.  Time for me to embrace the discomfort. Time for me to let go and forgive.  Time for me to activate my new beliefs.

And over the last 25 years I’ve done so much healing.  The connection between understanding my energy and its relationship to chakras became instrumental in my healing. And yet, I’ve known for awhile there was one sliver left tied to my body size.   I knew it was emotional.   And I was so ready to not just gain awareness but look it in the eye, forgive it and me and change my belief.  I was done dragging this around  and ready to be FREE.

The last piece is #5.  So for years I kept getting messages intuitively and through other healers to LOVE my body.  Okay…well, that came in stages.  I loved me for a long time and then I got pregnant and realized I never in all my life since my bulimic days, did I truly love my stomach.  Pregnancy was the first time I demonstrated love for this part of my body.  Not that other parts of me didn’t get larger…but it was my stomach where I held most of my shit: my anger and my fear.

When you understand the relationship between your energy and chakras, this makes complete sense.  Most of this related to my 2nd and 3rd chakras.  Feelings and Self.   For years I didn’t face my feelings, sometimes hiding through sex, food, Pot, TV, anything that would numb or zone me out.  I also spent years rebuilding my confidence in me, my self-belief, self-worth, my value.

So overtime I fell in love with my body.  It wasn’t right away.  For  a long time I equated beauty with size as it related to me.  Not when looking at anyone else.  With anyone else, I would pick up on their energy.  And their energy would either attract me or turn me off.

It took that realization to understand and accept, it works with me too.  So when my hubby or friends told me I was beautiful or glowing, I could truly receive it.

I knew I was ready a couple of years ago.  One of my energy mentors, Sonia Choquette, came to Charlotte.  I always knew I would meet her.  Well, my interaction ended up way beyond meeting.  She brought me up on stage with her and I danced, BY MYSELF, as part of healing, on the stage in front of 200+ peeps. If I didn’t know my body confidence before that night and my love, I knew it for sure then.  I wasn’t nervous.  I just put myself out there and was me and FREE.  This was a defining moment in my life.

And I thought.  That’s it.  I’m finally done with this part.  And while my size would begin to shrink, it plateaued.  And I knew there was something more.  And here is what kept coming up…

If I truly love my body, how can I ask it to change?  I believed if I truly loved my body, just like loving another person, you accept it or them, warts and all.  So if I was asking my body to change, then I couldn’t truly love it.  Could I?

YES, I could.  This was it.  This was a large fragment of what’s been stopping me.  Reframe the belief:

I love myself inside and out.  And loving myself and my BIG energy, I no longer need the protection of a bigger size.  I no longer need to put my desires in a drawer and make myself less intimidating physically to make loved ones, clients, friends, anyone more comfortable.  I can be me in my full beautiful power while my ideal physical body is  smaller in stature.  And while some people may feel overwhelmed by my energy, some of that is their own shit to heal.  It is what it is.  AND without altering my energy and who I am, I can adjust my delivery in ways less likely to overwhelm.

This reframed belief feels natural.  Easy.  And for me I feel it (my energy and energetic confirmations)in my body.  I get a tingling in my arms from my shoulders to my elbows running down and then back up and leaving me with goose bumps.

So now I’m feeling a bit emotionally naked and exposed and YET, I feel free.  We all have issues.  And if sharing mine helps you know you’re not alone, I’ve done what I set out to do.  If sharing my story stirred you up and made you uncomfortable, I’ve done what I’ve set out to do.  If sharing my story touched you in a way that you want to talk about it, I’m here for you. Just invite me into a conversation.

I’m here to share my story and help others heal.  I’m here to hold space so you can do the work you need to do.  And while I hold the space, you do the work and  feel safe.

XO

Marni

 

Scarcity or Abundance?

Had a convo with a new friend recently. We were at a local spot with a community board. As I went to grab a napkin, I noticed a couple of colleague’s cards on the board. And shared with her, I was excited to see people I knew.

My new friend, jokingly suggested, I take out the competition and pull their cards down. Now she was honestly kidding when she said it. This is something I would never even think of doing, though I know there are folks out there that do. No judgement. Seriously. It is just where they are in this experience we call life.

Continue reading “Scarcity or Abundance?”

How do you face your pain, so you can dance in the rain?

How do you face your pain, so you can dance in the rain?

This one’s hard for me to write. I had an AHA moment the other day about a choice I made a year ago. I used anger to numb my feelings of pain and stress. Many of us live lives with giant stressors daily. And when we don’t want to feel the stress or the feelings below the stress (usually fear, unworthy, unlovable, etc), we go for our drug of choice. Lashing out to cover up the real feeling inside.  Excessive anything creates life imbalance.  Yet, who hasn’t felt super sad and gone for something to “comfort” yourself?

You just want to numb out pain so you don’t have to feel.  No judgement here. We each have a drug of choice we gravitate towards.  Our choice serves us by numbing us and giving us the illusion of protection from pain. 

What is your drug of choice so you don’t have to feel?

*excess alcohol

*drugs

*over exercise

*bulimic

*anorexic

*smoking

*workaholic or constant busyness

*anger

*victim

*food

*sleep

*shopping

*overgiving 

With me, it wasn’t always an occasional thing. For a long time my drug of choice was bulimia.  This was “my thing” from the time I was 8, off and on (more on than off), until I was 25.  When I wasn’t choosing bulimia to numb me out, I chose anger to numb my bigger feelings of unlovable or unworthy; dissatisfaction in my body, my relationships, my career. Hugely big and scary.  I believed anger protected me from feeling weak and from anyone seeing how awful I really felt.  So not true.  My “hidden” feelings kept me from establishing strong valuable relationships; kept me from satisfaction in my career; kept me from enjoying my life. And what’s worse? I kept receiving more experiences and situations reflecting the shitty way I felt inside. 

This is true for most of us.  We have painful feelings we don’t want to feel including parts of ourselves we don’t want to claim.  So instead we are hiding that shit by not admitting it to ourselves and/or numbing the pain with our drug or drugs of choice.  You can definitely use more than one and may even use one I haven’t listed.

So how does facing your pain help you dance in the rain? For starters, you cannot truly love all of you if you can’t see and accept all of you.  And if you are not seeing all of you or unaware of your feelings because you’ve kept them hidden or numb for so long, then you don’t have awareness.  You cannot change or claim what you are unaware of.  So begin with awareness, ie. Facing your pain. Later after you face it, you can work on accepting it, shifting it, making changes…all kinds of healing.

Facing your pain can be scary and can feel HUGE.  Some of us hate change and facing pain is a big ass change. Claiming who you are, in all your glory and imperfectness is also a BIG CHANGE.  When it feels HUGE, the feelings you haven’t felt in a long time feel overwhelming, neverending and gigantic.  Thus, your reactions can be on the extreme side. 

You see I was in and out of numbness almost 20 years., When I started feeling again it felt HUGE, EXTREME, IMBALANCED.  The highs were high and the lows were LOW.  Who wants deal with that? I didn’t.  It felt like a rollercoaster at times and not in a fun way.  Yet to get to awareness and balance (the beginning of dancing), I had to face the pain and the extremes.   

And this is typically not a one and done situation.  Meaning you don’t have just one feeling you’ve not faced or one thing about yourself you don’t like or accept.  IT’S usually deeper and multiples. 

My numb imbalanced feelings lead me into a relationship for 5 years with someone I never wanted to date.  I fell into this relationship after I was in bulimic recovery and began loving myself.  And this is so common.  I see this with clients too.  While my love for me was deeper than before, I still had so many feelings of lack: value, worth, esteem.   This also translated into poor boundaries too.  And this boyfriend mirrored all my lack feelings back to me during our time together.  Since I was already in bulimic recovery, I turned to a different drug to numb my feelings.  I smoked A LOT of pot.  I numbed out feelings of sadness, lack of worth, self-doubt and just plain feeling unlovable as me.  I accepted treatment within the relationship that would have me out the door immediately and never looking back today. It was a mirror of how I felt about me.  

Towards the end of our relationship, I had begun learning about energy healing and my awareness was beginning to shift and my love for myself was beginning to deepen.  So, when an extreme event occurred between us,  my eyes opened as if I’d been asleep for five years and I took action leaving the relationship immediately.  My beautiful anger fueled me with the fierce power of courage to leave.  

My work was only beginning when I left the relationship.  When I became free, I began embracing some of my feelings for the first time in a long time.  Facing lots of painful realizations.

Can you see how not facing your pain can lead you to situations where you feel stuck, super unhappy and unlovable?

It is because I love myself, I can look at myself, all my parts: what I like and parts I don’t.  When I moved out from THE boyfriend into my own place, though it was painful to face my feelings, I began to dance.  And one afternoon, I was in the backyard setting up my grill and it began to rain.  And I stayed a moment and felt the water tap me all over and was overwhelmed with emotion and joy.  I began to dance in the rain. 

I’m still a work in progress, becoming aware of and healing parts of me at a deeper level consistently.  It’s a journey. And even gravitate to a numbing agent now and again, though most of the time, I write and deal with my feelings or share them with a friend or practice mindfulness or all of the above. And when the rain water and temps are warm, when it rains- especially in the Summer, I get out and dance in the rain. 

I don’t have all the things I desire in my life, YET.  I’m getting there.  I have hope.  I have belief.  I have love. I live my life as best I can in the present moment.  I continue facing my pains.  You only get out of it what you put into it.  And for me, the dancing becomes an even more vibrant joy when you claim all of you and your feelings.  Love deepens and possibilities abound.

We all have shit and it stinks (Thank you Gwenn)… so rather than push it into a pile and pretend it isn’t there stinking…Face it, smell it, accept it and heal so you can embrace all of you and take your dancing up a notch and fully experience the beauty of life.  

XO Marni

Lost Luggage, Lost love

I recently traveled for vacation with my 8 year old son meeting my hubby in Minneapolis.  A short time before our flight boarded, the flight was canceled.  No crew.  We thankfully made it to the TOP of the list for the next flight to fly standby.  When we agreed to fly standby, the airline rep told us, our bag would be going on this flight whether we made it or not.  FAMOUS last words.  We made it.  Our bag did not.  And I was reminded of the only other time my luggage was “delayed” and the difference inside ME today.

Just over fifteen years ago, PM (pre-Marc), I took a trip to Aruba with one of my besties.  One of the things I LOVE about my bestie, she is laid back, go with the flow, creates fun and lives in the moment.  Well, at the time, I thought I was like this too.  And I was to a degree, yet inside me I was still a work in progress as we all are.  I remember sharing with my friend about all the recent big changes and belief shifts in my life.  You know, like, I meditated.  At the time I had an inconsistently consistent mindful practice and while I received benefit from my inconsistent practice, some of what spurred me to share was about being “on trend”.  I engaged in intuitive energy healing.  My intuition sharp and clear while in TRUTH, my trust of myself was spotty.  I was more patient, more calm.  True.  And I loved myself.  YES.   Yet, I still felt unsatisfied in areas of my life.  Okay, I did NOT admit to myself let alone anyone else about any incomplete feelings.   I believed it was my outer stuff: my hair, my clothes, my body, my job, my finances were still the root cause to my life dissatisfaction. I mean I did the work, I loved myself.  So it couldn’t be that.  But my love for me  wasn’t full body, mind, heart, soul and psyche, feeling amazing inside love consistently.  So the thought that my STUFF: hair dryer, makeup, the “perfect bathing suit” and comfy great looking on me clothes would be missing caused me great anguish which spread from my psyche to my experience quickly.  Body stuff had been “getting me” on some level since I was a kid and developed early.

As a recovering bulimic, I was so NOT COMFORTABLE with the idea of having to find something to wear with limited choices.  My fears of finding “clothes I looked cute in” outweighed fun.

I kept it inside and attempted to “go with the flow”.  It didn’t work at all.   My friend went out and I stayed in the room trying to get information from the airline on where my bag was and when I could expect it.  I had looked forward to this trip for weeks and I was spending it chaining myself in the room.  I figured once I knew when I’d have my stuff, I’d be able to have fun (interpret as allow myself to have fun).

That evening I left the room to go to dinner.  My bestie made a comment about how for all my sharing about my life shifts, my behavior didn’t match up.  Wow, did that hurt.  That is what I love about my friend.  She didn’t say it to hurt.  She said it quite compassionately.  It hurt because it was TRUE.  And I loved myself enough to recognize the outer turmoil I experienced because of my lack of deeper self love.

I did go out after that and uncomfortably purchased: a dress, shorts and t-shirts, underwear and a bathing suit.  I made do for our time there as my luggage never showed up.  And I had fun, yet I lost a day and half of enjoying Aruba due to not fully loving myself on a fuller body, mind, heart, soul and psyche level.  And believe me, I’d done ALOT of work on liking and loving myself.  Therapy, books, classes, etc.   I was feeling better than ever about myself.  My lack of self love at a deeper level propelled me to give in to fear.  Fear about how I looked, fear about how I would fit in on the trip, fear about the money I spent on necessities being reimbursed and more. This experience showed me I still had healing work to do and it was time to level up. Learning to love me was not a one and done experience.

Apparently my luggage was partying in Mexico and arrived a bit hung over at my house about 3 hours after I arrived home from Aruba.  Then the specialty vacation airline gave me a hard time about reimbursement at a time when my finances were more limited. Really? I was on an island.  I had limited choices and certainly didn’t spend thousands.  This was one of my fears come to life about purchasing necessities.  I was still dealing with this weeks later when I met the love of my life, Marc, my husband.  It did all work out. But I digress…

So back to the present story.  We arrived in Minneapolis just after 3pm, much later than the 10am we were expected.  Truly happy to be there.  Found my hubs in baggage claim.  He told us the luggage had not arrived.  I thought he was kidding.  That is so his sense of humor.  He wasn’t kidding.  And immediately my Aruba experience flashed back.  Not out of fear at all.   I actually laughed aloud when I thought of it.  That is no longer my story.  That is not who I am.  I love me so many levels deeper than my time in Aruba.  It was just STUFF.  Sure, it would be a pain to have to replace it if my luggage didn’t show, but chances are it would arrive at some point.  And then my WHY for being in Minneapolis spoke up.   I am here with my family to enjoy quality time together.  We will buy clothes if we need to and we will figure it out.  Regardless, we will have fun and enjoy this adventure even if it is in the same stinky clothing.  So, we filed our claim with the airline and went on our way.

Before bed wearing one of Marc’s t-shirts, we checked and still no status on where our luggage was.  OK.  The next morning  we got up did what my sister calls a “CWBath” (the genitals, the face and the pits) and left the hotel.  First stop coffee at Starbucks.  2nd stop Marshall’s for a few essentials to change our clothes.

Arrived back at the hotel, changed clothes and checked the luggage tracker.  Good news.  Luggage found, placed on 8am flight out of Charlotte arriving in Minneapolis by 10am.  Then it takes up to 12 hours for delivery.  I shrugged and we moved on with the adventure of the day not giving luggage another thought.  Fortunately it was warmish and my FIT FLOPS,  which I wore on the flight, were comfy for walking.  We walked all over downtown exploring.

We had a blast making memories and laughing all day and decided to grab takeout and head back to our room for a late supper.  Just as we sat down to eat (about 915pm), the phone rang and YES, our luggage had arrived.  We looked at each other and laughed saying “we’ll get that after we eat”.  No rush.  I didn’t even unpack til the next morning.

I was thrilled at my shift and the freedom I could so clearly see and feel.  The difference today is I know the outer shit doesn’t matter.  Not the clothes, not the finances, not anything.  And not because anyone else says it doesn’t matter, but because I truly believe it. Why doesn’t it matter? Because I am in love with myself .  My feeling of wholeness is so complete, I could simply be in the moment.  When dissatisfaction or diminished enjoyment impact any area of your life, the very first thing you must learn how to do is love yourself.  Not the BLAH BLAH love yourself.  The whole body, mind, heart, soul and psyche feeling amazing on the inside kind of love yourself. This is the key to greater happiness, greater success and greater satisfaction in life.  That is the journey of this great adventure we call life. Only one other person I know could appreciate this beautiful story, I called my bestie and gave her a great chuckle.  And the rest is history.

BIG LOVE and GRATITUDE,

Marni